My husband lies to me all the time. What to do if the husband is lying

Men deceive women - a topic as eternal as "is there any other life in the universe." One thing is clear: if a man is lying, then something does not suit him.

The difference between male and female lies

Strong relationships cannot exist without trust. Men and women can neglect it and deceive half, but they act differently.

The American psychologist Paul Ekman in his book “Psychology of Lies” singles out such a type of lie as “telling the truth in the form of deception”. Imagine a situation. A husband comes home from work and finds his wife chatting merrily on the phone. Seeing the faithful, she is embarrassed and abruptly stops the conversation. “Who were you talking to?” he asks. "With lover! What is female curiosity? the wife answers. The husband, feeling embarrassed, jokes back and does not take it seriously. The woman did speak to her lover, but escaped suspicion. Men are not capable of such twists and turns. They lie as openly as if they were telling the truth.

What does a lie give a man

Subconsciously, a man feels that “having told the truth, he will lose his friendship,” and lies. By deceiving, he profits.

Seduces women. Having deceived the chosen one in the style of “I love, I’ll buy a locomotive, I’ll get a star from the sky,” a man gets a woman ready for anything. And the expression “if a man lies, he loves and does not want to lose”, “unties” his hands, or his mouth.
Enlists support and loyalty. “Darling, I didn't mean to upset you, but all my money was stolen from me. Don't worry, I'll think of something, ”the wife hears and continues to do housework and hope for the best, considering that she was lucky with her husband.
Gets home comforts. From childhood, the boy understands that his mother should not be disturbed. "It's better to hide the deuce." “In the yard we read books, not jumped from garages.” “If something happens to my mother, I will be left without dinner.” A man transfers this knowledge into adulthood.
Feels superior. It is pleasant for anyone to realize that he is the best, strong, dexterous and smart. “I graduated from the Faculty of Economics and I have my own business,” the man lies, noticing admiration in the eyes of a woman. In fact, he is a loader at the factory, but the main thing is that the goal has been achieved.

When a man constantly lies - this is a syndrome of pathological lies. He makes up stories for no reason in order to increase the significance for others. Scientists from California examined the brains of pathological liars and found that they have less gray matter - neurons, and more nerve fibers than normal people.

Another type of “bad” lie is that a man lies and cheats. He does not want to be deprived of comforts, but seeks thrills. Or dissatisfied with family life and looking for comfort on the side.

Causes and signs of male lies

“Honey, I’m so tired at work today, they handed in a report,” the man assures. You already know from a girlfriend: he was sitting in a bar with employees an hour ago. And you decide how to behave: throw a scandal or get away with it. Make it clear that you know everything, but do not start quarrels. It is more difficult to determine that a man is lying in situations where the truth is unknown. Male behavior depends on the reason for lying.

self defense

“You have no idea what I went through! Almost had an accident!” he exclaims, arriving 3 hours late for his date. And there is the smell of beer. Outright lies offend a woman, but a man has his own goals:

trying to get rid of guilt;
does not want to admit where he was;
afraid of your reaction.

Signs of a lie:

gets confused in details;
actively gestures;
presses on pity;
nervous.

How to react:

Don't focus.
Analyze behavior. Perhaps you are acting like an angry mother with a naughty child.
Be loyal and distinguish a trifle from a serious offense.

The psychology of relationships is as follows - the stronger the sanctions for drinking beer, the more likely the repetition of lies in the future.

Heroism

In public, a man behaves as if he is a Hollywood star. Alone, calm and quiet.

The reasons:

low self-esteem;
boredom in a relationship
lack of attention.

Signs:

colorful turns of speech;
boasting;
proud look.

How to react:

Control yourself. Scandals won't fix it.
Turn the boast into a joke. In a conversation about politics, he declares that even Putin agrees with him. Say: “yes, just yesterday we talked on Skype.” And amuse the guests, and bring the hero down from heaven.

selfishness

For the hundredth time he promises to fix the closet door, and for the hundredth time he forgets, and so on in everything. He feeds you empty promises like you feed him breakfast.

The reasons:

irresponsibility;
the habit of getting away with everything.

How to react:

Don't throw tantrums.
Clearly explain your position.
Be guided by the principle: forgot to buy groceries - go hungry.

Manipulation

Appeals with the phrases “you know better, dear” and “you are my smartest”. In the end, the woman decides everything herself.

The reasons:

laziness;
manipulating you.

How to react:

Ask him for help, pretend that without him you won’t even open a bottle.
Let him feel important.
Give compliments.

Modesty

His problems are always known from others. He lies that everything is fine and you feel unwanted.

The reasons:

unsuccessful experience;
fear of being seen as a failure.

How to react:

Make it clear that his problems are your problems.
Support the man in everything.

Infidelity

Male infidelity is easy to suspect. He:

often late from work;
gets confused in stories;
moves away from the topic of living together;
tries to shame you for not trusting;
does not make eye contact during interrogations;
pronounces words clearly
tugging at the neck, hands and nose.

How to react:

If you notice one of the signs, this is not a reason to accuse a man of treason. Control yourself.
Decide if you need to know the truth. Can you continue to live with this person if the betrayal is confirmed.
Either forgive or look for someone else. Forgiving, be prepared - betrayer once, betray again.

Men tend not to tell the whole truth, they omit details. A woman needs to know everything and in detail. Hence the misunderstanding. Do not scold a man for trifles, and there will be less lies in a relationship.

Can you change your partner's behavior once and for all? This article contains various recommendations of psychologists and useful tips.

Destructive attitude

Emotionally destructive relationships cannot lead to anything good. It is impossible to build a joint future and family with a person who constantly lies to you. The only thing a woman can do in this situation is to ask herself what is really going on. If a husband lies constantly, especially for many years, and does not even try to repent, then he probably does not need help with his problem.

In this case, you need to change not the partner, but your attitude towards him. Yes, no woman likes to live with a husband who constantly cheats. But is it possible to remain calm and feel happy if the partner does not even see problems in his behavior? If you don't like playing detective or mommy to catch him in a lie, then it's time to think about taking extreme measures. The fact that he doesn't want to change or work on his problem will only frustrate and depress you. So what to do if the husband is constantly lying?

Is there a solution to this problem?

If the husband constantly lies even on trifles, then this is an alarming bell. Without knowing the nature of lying, it is impossible to understand why your partner does this. And if consultations do not help, then this habit will sooner or later begin to destroy the marriage.

Depending on the nature of his lies, you may be asking yourself why you put yourself at risk for sexually transmitted diseases, for example. Such questions may seem harsh and painful, but only in this way will you be able to confront your husband.

Communication is an important part of a happy marriage.

If you notice that your husband is constantly lying, then try to talk to him and discuss this problem. This may seem like a banal and stupid method that clearly does not work. However, this way you can find out at least an approximate reason for his pathological lies.

If the partner refuses to listen, the nature of the relationship will change. This does not mean that you will have to divorce him, but the trust will be broken. This practice is hard, but if you want to have a healthy relationship, you have to come to terms with the truth and reality. Remember that the only person you can change is yourself. You can help yourself with wisdom and fortitude, and not with fear and disappointment.

After talking with your husband, you need to pay attention to his behavior. Has he stopped lying or is he hiding something more carefully from you now? Does he seek to change his behavior and is he ready to work on pathological lies? Does he continue to ignore the problem and act like nothing happened?

Contacting a specialist

Many women wonder why their husband constantly lies. Psychologists note: craving to deceive can become an addiction and is treated only with the help of special therapies. Even if it looks like some people enjoy their lies, they really don't. Sometimes they simply cannot stop themselves and suffer not only from lies, but also from the pain that they cause to others.

In psychiatry, the craving for pathological lies is defined as Munchausen's syndrome. Do not rush to get a divorce if you notice that your husband is lying all the time. What to do in this case? Try to analyze his behavior and find the root of the lie. Perhaps the main reason for lying is mental or emotional trauma received in childhood. This applies not only to men, but also to women.

Humiliation, insult from parents and peers, brothers and sisters can lead to pseudology. Constant criticism, an attempt to assert oneself at the expense of small children, rejection in society and the first unsuccessful relationship. Everything that adversely affects the fragile psyche can cause emotional shock, which provokes a craving for lies. A woman getting married may not even suspect that she has chosen a partner prone to pseudology.

Why are they lying?

Husband lies constantly on trifles, deceives and obviously hides something? After the conversation, it is important to understand why he does this. If you are still sure that the root of the problem lies in the partner's past, then it's time to act. And first of all, you need to understand why the husband constantly lies on trifles and is prone to pseudology.

If it's all about mental and emotional trauma that has remained unhealed since childhood, then your partner is probably unconsciously creating an illusory world around him, much better than in his childhood. Pay attention to what his lies are based on: does he embellish events, add non-existent facts, does he seek to distinguish himself in any story and make him a significant figure, is he offended if someone refutes his lies, especially when in public?

Many psychologists believe that it is impossible to cure pseudology. The reason is simple: a pathological liar is simply not able to survive in the real world, because for so many years he has painstakingly collected his illusory world piece by piece and pebbles. But some therapies still allow you to help a person realize his problem and start working on it. No drugs or clinical trial is prescribed. As a rule, several sessions of visiting a psychologist are enough to find out the reason for the lies and the desire to change.

Be prepared for any turn of events

A man's behavior is determined by two different but very powerful emotions: attachment and sexual desire (it is important to see the difference between love, sex and deep sympathy). In all likelihood, your husband cannot imagine his life without his wife. He paints himself a picture of comfort with the woman who bore him two children. But at the same time, he is driven by sexual desire, which is a powerful motivator (sex drive).

These two fundamental emotions pull people in opposite directions: today the husband is with you, and tomorrow - with a new woman. Unfortunately, in a marriage it can be difficult to maintain a passionate and sexually exciting relationship over time. According to statistics, couples have the hottest and most mind-blowing intimate relationship in the first couple of years that they are together. Gradually, sex becomes a rare pleasure. This does not mean that intimacy is completely absent in marriage years later, but the fact remains: the passion and intensity of sexual intercourse disappear with time.

Coolidge effect

For some people, the passion and intensity of sex is extremely important and rewarding, and can sometimes be addictive. And in order to experience these pleasant sensations over and over again, it is necessary to constantly maintain sexual contact. Often, men prefer new experiences rather than change sexual relationships while in marriage. This phenomenon is called the Coolidge effect.

As the story goes, American President John Calvin Coolidge Jr. and his wife visited the farm. The first lady noted that a rooster can trample hens all day, while constantly changing individuals. Although it will be difficult to admit, because it goes against popular morality, the variety of sexual partners can be very pleasant.

When people are confronted with these two strong emotions (attachment and sexual desire), they often do what your husband does: lie and cheat. Some are simply not able to live with one partner throughout their lives. And since people now exist in an age where the concept of love and intimacy is idealized, relationships become even more difficult. Now everyone wants their marriage to be full of passion, intimacy and unconditional love.

So what to do?

You are probably wondering: will the husband change? Probably not. If a partner can get rid of petty lies on his own or with the help of a psychologist, then it is unlikely that he will get a new experience from cravings.

However, only you yourself can understand whether it will be better to live without a husband further or not. Be prepared for the fact that a polygamous person cannot abruptly accept monogamy. It may take years to realize the lack of desire to have different sexual partners.

Signs of a pathological liar

Husband constantly lies, but you do not know how to expose him in a lie? Try to be attentive in conversations with him, learn to remember the details of his stories and stories.

Notice the scale of his lies. It is small (fleeting) and global (carefully thought out). A person who is prone to pseudology is always trying to become a “professional” in every business. He can come up with stories about himself that you probably never even heard of before. Of course, when you are in a company, new information about a partner can surprise and discourage. Asking your husband the logical question of why he didn't tell the story sooner can lead to excuses.

Signs of a pathological liar:

This man is always confused in his "testimony". Today he can say one thing, and tomorrow - another. If you make a remark, you will probably be offended.
A person who is prone to pseudology often behaves secretly and withdrawn. He has very few friends and relatives, because they do not fit into the picture of an ideal world.
Such people behave stiffly, but when the opportunity arises, they become absolute masters in any field. Most of all, they prefer to give advice, sometimes not even suspecting that there is little truth and reality in them.
A pathological liar knows how to invent new facts on the go. You may not even notice that you received another portion of lies.

How to deal with pseudology

If the husband constantly lies, hides money, tells fables, but at the same time you are sure that he really has problems, then you can help him in this way:

Try to record dialogues - on a voice recorder or in a notepad. But the first option is much more effective, because the partner can react extremely violently to the letter, considering it a deception and staging.
Always ask why the man lied to you, why he did it, and what was his purpose.
What to do if the husband constantly lies? Try to expose his lies, even if he tries to get out of the situation. Be prepared for the fact that you can become guilty because you do not trust your husband.

the main task

Do not build an illusory world around you. Understand that if a man lies to you, then sooner or later it will begin to destroy the marriage. How can you trust a person who is not sure of his own words? Where is the guarantee that his pathological lies will not develop into something serious?

In most cases, people who are prone to pseudology can take on large amounts of debt, constantly inventing various diseases and critical life situations that do not really exist.

Finally

Now you know what to do when your husband is constantly cheating and lying even on trifles. Only the liar himself can curb the desire to constantly deceive, and his relatives can only understand, accept and forgive. But not all women are ready to continue to live side by side with a man who does not even try to fight his problem, does not repent and does not realize the gravity of the situation.

When it turns out that the husband is telling a lie, all trust in him disappears and the other half begins to subject him to constant checks not only in deeds, but also in words. Below are different situations that can tell that the husband is lying and tips on how to act in them.

Confidence- this is a very important component in marriage, and first you need to understand what pushes your soulmate to lie. It happens that a lie is an integral part of a man's character, and then this fact does not greatly affect the trust in the family, but simply gives rise to irritability.

There are times when a husband lies because he has a woman on the side, that is mistresses. In such a situation, it is better to speak frankly, although such a conversation is not easy, but a necessary undertaking. If the betrayal is proven by facts, but with all this, the husband is not recognized, in this case, you need to decide how to behave further. There are two options for how to proceed, stay with him and endure lies or file for divorce.

There are many cases where a man does not have the courage to confess lies. He prefers to do something secretly without causing conflict situations. Often such a husband lies on trifles, and anger is born because of the very fact of lying, because it is unpleasant to be deceived. Of course, when a man avoids conflicts in this way, it is very angry and annoying. But you need to know that such behavior is not only part of the character, but also a reaction to the behavior of the wife when her husband is convicted of a lie. The reaction of the wife can be very negative and harsh, which is not able to endure a liar.

There are such cases when a woman herself, by her interrogations, provokes a man to cheat For example: where have you been? why so late? who called? etc.

Such behavior is laid down in a man due to the fact that it is impossible to behave differently with a woman. Better a sweet lie than a bitter truth. After all, not all men have enough different virtues that a woman should like. In this way, he is trying to impress her, but a woman needs this to drive beautifully over her ears and she will believe, because they have such a nature, and sometimes she herself does not know what she needs, a woman does not seek confirmation by facts, but blindly believes in words.

The first thing to do is to change yourself and your attitude towards the actions of your husband. If he lies that he was at work, but in fact he was with friends, you need to accept his comrades. After all, even before the wedding they were and gatherings with them are part of his life. This has to be measured.

In dealing with him, it is necessary to exclude interrogations with predilection. After all, if every evening you extort from your husband his actions during the day, then for him the wife immediately becomes a strict mother and there is a desire to hide her actions.
Try to start trusting your husband. If it seems that he cannot be trusted, put yourself in his place, because he is lying precisely because he does not know whether his wife can be trusted. If you develop joint trust in the family, then the lie will disappear by itself.
It is worth considering whether any lie is evil? After all, there are times when a woman resorts to various female tricks and tricks, and this is also a deception, to some extent.

So, build your relationship with your loved one not on lies, but on the truth. Change yourself and him for the better. Be happy in marriage for many years. And do not forget that a successful marriage is also a lot of work.

Our best advice is to get it right.

A slight distortion of information about yourself for a man is a mere trifle. Judge for yourself, just as women like to slightly dramatize, exaggerating the size of a real catastrophe, so men like to embellish the events of their lives, making achievements even more significant. In some ways, both of these phenomena are even interconnected: she reacts too violently to the world and cries, he begins to lie in order to avoid her tears. However, this does not negate the pain that a woman experiences when she catches her beloved in a lie. Why do men lie? Let's figure it out.

3 reasons for male lies: the psychology of the stronger sex

1. Make an impression

As a turkey fluffs his tail to attract the attention of a female, so a man wants to score as many points as possible in the eyes of the lady he likes. His logic is simple - in any way to lure her into his networks, fall in love, and then come what may. And at the very beginning, this tactic often works. He enthusiastically lies about his age, status, education and even financial situation, if only a woman would be seduced. He does not understand only one thing - the secret becomes clear, and the companion, most likely, will be jarred by the very fact of lies, rather than the real state of affairs.

2. Avoid consequences

There is another story: a man dreams of going fishing, but he knows that his wife will be against it. Therefore, he does not find anything better than to lie, having gone fishing under the guise of "business negotiations". And the more a woman will resist the desires of her partner in the future, the less he will devote her to his plans. Under the guise of meetings, drinking parties with friends will take place, under the guise of a pay cut, a man will begin to save money to repaint the car. Who is to blame? Rather, a woman who has established too tight control, cutting off her beloved's breath. After all, if you tell him how he is, he is unlikely to get anything but discontent and repression.

3. Save freedom

It also happens that a man lies on trifles even when he does nothing reprehensible. For example, he says that he is leaving for work, and he goes to his parents. Or he swears that he drank one glass of milk for dinner, while he ate a pot of soup. And how to understand it? Most likely, in this teenage way, he tries to rebel against the excessive control of a woman, fighting for every breath of freedom.

How to recognize his lies?

Lighter than easy. As soon as he jumps off the topic, tries to explain something in a very intricate way, begins to put passwords on equipment, generally behave atypically and secretly - catch it red-handed! If a man is really lying, his reaction will speak for itself. Or he will turn on the aggression mode, starting to react with hostility to ordinary questions. Or the opposite behavior will follow - excessive attention, which before that was not characteristic of him. In this way, he will try to compensate for a deep sense of guilt.

What to do if a man is cheating?

Our best advice is to get it right. Do not accumulate resentment in yourself in order to explode at the most inopportune moment and make a scandal by doing stupid things. But, having caught the setup, start a frank conversation.

Sometimes a man lies to save himself. Not because a scoundrel or a rogue, such as the world has never seen. But because he wants to save the woman he loves from unnecessary worries, so that she does not get upset because of his mistakes, does not worry about the lack of some benefits. The purpose of a man in this case is noble, albeit unjustified. Having caught on this kind of lies, it is better to talk frankly with your partner in order to come to a common consensus.

It happens that a man’s lie is nothing more than a consequence of bad upbringing. Often the childhood of such liars was not sugary, they were often punished, limited in their desires, which is why they learned to get out, hiding the truth. If such a man subsequently chooses a mother woman as a companion, who takes care of him and bothers him in everything, he can return to a childish pattern of behavior, which only a family counselor can help get rid of.

If a man is subject to various kinds of addictions, a lie in this case becomes a means of survival. Agree, it is much easier to lie to a partner than to confess your love for gambling or smoking marijuana? The primary step in this case will be precisely the fight against addictions, rather than with lies. And of course, the man himself should want recovery first of all.

There is also a pathological need to deceive, the causes of which are hidden deep in the bowels of the subconscious and are associated with a variety of children's complexes. This kind of lies is treated exclusively by specialists in this field, and even then not always successfully.

Finally, the most common and painful reason for lying is a man's concealment of the fact of infidelity. In this case, restoring the previous level of trust between partners is really a titanic effort, but still it is possible if both are ready and want to change. The only option in which it is better to terminate the relationship is the repeated repetition of treason.

So, each situation of deception is deeply individual and requires clarification of all causes and circumstances. But it is quite possible to change a man's attitude to this problem, especially if both are set up for a constructive dialogue.

For some people, cheating becomes normal and habitual.

Married men are especially fond of concealment and outright lies: this is not always associated with betrayal, but the fact that there is no trusting relationship makes the spouse worry.

Exhausted by repeated male lies, women ask what to do if the husband is lying. But the answers to this question, as well as the reasons for lying, can be many: from a banal childhood habit to an unpleasant secret that is kept from a spouse.

The most common reasons for cheating

You should not draw unambiguous conclusions about the nature of your spouse and the specifics of relations with him, you should understand the situation. If more and more often one hears from a spouse not only a slight or insignificant lie, but also an outright lie, then finding out the reasons for such behavior, which is uncharacteristic for an adult with a strong life position, will be the only true way to solve the problem.

But what to do: the husband lies constantly, even if there is no serious reason for this? Some of the most common reasons an adult male lies are:

Fear of being misunderstood. Many men prefer to embellish reality so as not to be ridiculed or misunderstood: few people dare to confess to supposedly “non-male” actions and hobbies. For example, choosing a new chandelier or blogging. The task of a woman is to let her husband understand that all his habits and addictions are perceived without reservation.

Relationship difficulties. If there is no relationship between the spouses, then a lie for a man becomes a way to avoid a quarrel and another conflict - in this case, the issue should be resolved jointly.

Boasting. Attracting the attention of a spouse and making her admire her husband is another reason for men's lies: to exaggerate one's importance at work, to brag about success in repairing cars - for a man this is not a deceit at all, but a way to "dissolve feathers."

Caring for a woman. Oddly enough, but it is precisely the concern for the peace of mind of their soulmate that often makes men keep back, dodge and lie. A loving spouse will never tell the truth about his wife's extra centimeters at the waist, about an unsuccessful blouse or hard meat for dinner: since childhood, trained to take care and not offend fragile and tender girls, men are forced to dodge throughout their lives.

How to recognize a dangerous deception?

Lies are not always dictated by concern for a spouse or a desire to avoid conflict. Sometimes the reasons for lying are more dangerous and turning a blind eye to them is fraught with a final discord in the relationship.

Tired of repeated lies, women ask what to do if the husband is cheating and lying. Catch a lie and destroy the family or close your eyes and forgive adventures?

Cheating is one of the most common causes of marital lies. Some of the men prefer to remain silent and silent. Others build real castles out of lies and remain confident in their inviolability.

Both that, and other model of behavior gives out a liar and demonstrates to the spouse the presence of any difficulties in the relationship. A serious problem in such a situation is the complete unwillingness of men to admit the existence of a lie: many, even being caught and convicted, continue to lie with inspiration and prove the opposite.

What to do if the husband is lying, and a thorough lie has no flaws and it is not possible to convict him of it?

In this case, one should act according to the call of the heart: many women prefer to live in their little world and look at it through rose-colored glasses, turning a blind eye to adultery and lies, others tear such relationships. It should be understood that he who lied once will surely lie again.

Solutions to the problem

When a woman thinks about what to do if her husband is constantly lying, she should choose one of the appropriate lines of behavior and perform certain actions based on the decision made:

speak frankly. It must be understood that without trust and frankness, no relationship can last long, and trust must be mutual. If a woman constantly suspects her husband of lying, then she can find lies even where there is none. A spouse who does not trust his wife will also lie and dodge where one could simply tell the truth.

make a scandal. Many women choose this method of dealing with lies as the most effective one, but is it really that effective? Of course, after a serious shake-up, the spouse caught in a lie will calm down, but he will not stop lying - he will simply begin to think through each word more carefully so that next time he cannot be caught in a lie.

Lie back. A radical way to show your spouse your desperation is to put him in his place. Even the most inveterate liar will not be able to look indifferently at how his wife deceives him and hides something, and after finding out the reasons, you can return to an explanatory conversation.

Accept your husband for who he is. It is important for a man to be loved and understood, so that all his hobbies are taken seriously, and success is pleasing. Pay more attention to your spouse: he loves football - go to the stadium with him, wants to relax - lie on the couch together, got carried away with modeling - give him a construction kit. Remember that a husband who understands will not lie: it will be much easier for him to tell the truth and hear words of understanding.

Deception can destroy everything, including the most prosperous union. But only a woman is able to maintain a fragile unity, help her husband get out of the veil of lies, restore balance and regain former understanding.

Trust and boundless confidence in a partner can work a miracle, resuscitating even the most hopeless relationship. Spouses' trust in each other is the simple formula for a happy marriage.