How to get along with mother-in-law? Simple rules! Psychologist's advice: how to get along with the mother-in-law Mother-in-law how to get along in the same house.

To understand the reason for the appearance of conflicts with the husband's mother, you need to mentally put yourself in her place. It immediately becomes clear that the appearance of a daughter-in-law in the house disrupts the usual course of things. The mother-in-law has been equipping her house and life for years, and now a person has appeared who is trying to make his own adjustments to the already established way of life. It is clear that it is necessary to do this, because she also has her own habits and preferences. This is the thought that needs to be conveyed to the mother-in-law.

The bulk of the conflicts between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law occur not because of hostility towards each other or a complex nature, but because of the violation of family rules by the daughter-in-law.

How to survive in the same house as your mother-in-law

With the mother-in-law, you must try to establish a psychological distance. You don't have to act unnatural to make yourself look better. She will notice it anyway and will not appreciate such efforts.

You should not start to put things in order in the mother-in-law's house on the very first day after the move. In this case, it is worth being patient and waiting for time.

Even before moving to the mother-in-law, it is important to discuss everyday issues. In such a conversation, do not be shy to ask questions and put forward your suggestions. It should be clear how the housekeeping will be distributed: who will be responsible for food and who will be responsible for laundry.

The financial issue is also of great importance. It is necessary to agree on who will buy food, household chemicals and other things for common use. By the way, in this case it would be much more reasonable to maintain separate budgets.

Morally, you need to be prepared for the fact that the mother-in-law will begin to teach how to run a household. She can do this delicately, throwing meek remarks with a smile, or, conversely, starting a long fiery speech in which a sharp emphasis will be placed on things that she did not like. But in this or that case, it is important to remain calm. Perhaps even the mother-in-law will try to specifically bring her daughter-in-law to emotions, then all the more it is worth keeping herself in control. It is more likely that after a while the husband's mother will calm down, noticing that the daughter-in-law does not react to her negativity.

And, of course, in order not to turn the mother-in-law against yourself, you need to remember and observe one, but extremely important rule: under no circumstances should you sort things out with your husband in the presence of your mother-in-law. It must be understood that she is a mother who will always be on the side of her child. And even if the mother-in-law does not interfere in the skirmishes between her

According to sociological surveys, approximately 50% of women find a common language with their mother-in-law, sometimes they even love her as their own. Whereas the second half of the spouse's mother successfully poisons life. Potentially conflicting mothers-in-law are divided into five types. They act using different tactics, and the cause of conflicts is the same - a feeling of jealousy and competition for the son's attention. How to get along with a mother-in-law of a certain type will be discussed in detail in this article.

The first type: the mother-in-law is a dictator

This woman is used to keeping everything under control and managing everyone. There is no authority for her, and the opinion of her daughter-in-law usually worries her the least. A mother-in-law of this type immediately after the wedding will unceremoniously enter your house and begin to establish her own rules. It is very difficult to get along under the same roof with such a woman, usually it does not end with anything good. Who wants to hear ten times a day reproaches, like “I told you…”? A dictatorial mother-in-law can easily enter your room without knocking whenever she pleases. Almost everything in her daughter-in-law annoys her: how she looks, speaks, moves, takes care of her husband, and so on. Their main weapon is obsession and unceremoniousness. They are great masters of weaving intrigues and "putting in place."

Wedding, honeymoon, shared dreams lead to living with parents. The mother-in-law remembers that her boy is now not only her beloved son, but also her beloved husband.

Even if the husband's family received you well, it is worth knowing the rules of common residence.

1. Keep traditions.

You have invaded a new home and disrupted the life that has existed there for many years. Do not change the rules and habits of the family.

Honor formed traditions, follow them. This will show your upbringing and respect for new family members.

Do not follow absurd rules. Don't start a rebellion, make a quiet revolution, gradually introducing ideas.

2. Keep your distance.

Annoyed by prying eyes? From the very beginning, limit your personal space. Do not allow strangers into the room without knocking.

Do not turn a family corner for privacy into a courtyard- relationship with her husband will suffer.

Do not put off the remote question, the future coexistence depends on it. But do not forget that the daughter-in-law is not the mistress of the house, but a guest.

3. Maintain financial independence.

Prove that you are no longer children - you can take care of yourself. In case of urgent need, ask for a service or borrow an amount.

Having got a job, you can feel material power over the situation, meet less often with your husband's mother.

4. Respect the opinion of the mother-in-law.

Do not "poke" on the first day of dating. Show that you respect your mother-in-law and appreciate. Observe subordination, do not talk familiarly.

5. Share life.

There are two mistresses in one house - do not turn household duties into duties. Delimit the territory, remove your part.

It is worth introducing a cleaning regime, dividing duties by day. Instead of making your own schedule, try to show your husband's mother that she is the main scheduler.

6. Find common ground.

Find common topics of conversation. The two women will have something to talk about. Do not gossip and complain about your husband.

It is better to offer a joint hobby like shopping or a walk in the park in the evenings.

7. Pay attention.

Mother-in-law is a woman. Compliment your new roommate, but don't flatter. Give small gifts for no reason. Listen to the advice of the mother of the husband, it is not necessary to follow them.

8. Talk about her son.

Don't start the conversation in a negative way, especially on emotions after a quarrel. No mother wants to hear that she raised her child badly.

9. Analyze the situation.

Is it impossible to live next door? Mother-in-law annoying? Make a list of the mother-in-law's claims, try to discuss them in a calm atmosphere, arguing the arguments.

10. Do not conflict.

Husband's mom screams loudly and stamps her feet? Don't make it worse. If you are blown away, you should forget about friendly relations with the new mother.

11. Do not take out quarrels in public.

Don't tell your husband what a bad mother he has. In order for peace to reign in the family, do not discuss quarrels with friends, relatives. It is better to resolve disputes among themselves.

Separate living space. Do not huddle in a crowd in a odnushka, start an independent life.
No need to run to the bank and take out a mortgage tomorrow, rent an apartment or find out how to get a dorm room.
Humble yourself. Accept the mother-in-law with all the whims and tantrums. The situation is unbearable, what can not be tolerated? Discuss with your husband the option of living separately.
She is the head of the family. Don't deny the experience, the dominance of the new mom. By undermining her authority, you will worsen the situation.
Mother-in-law is not a mother. It is good if the mother of the husband is warmly related to the daughter-in-law. But the closer your relationship, the greater the dose of moralizing.
« She doesn't let us live normally.! Never complain about your mother-in-law, do not blame all the problems of your marriage.
Solve problems with your husband. On the advice of psychologists, it is necessary to intervene in the "women's showdown". Sometimes a view from the outside helps to resolve a conflict situation.

Pros and cons of such a residence

Is it terrible to live with your husband's mother? Tears, divorce, children in half? Compare the pros and cons of living together, look for a way out of this situation.

№	Minuses	pros
1. Two mistresses under one roof	There are problems with the distribution of labor	Two housewives - less housework. You can not worry that your beloved husband will remain hungry
2. Division of territory	There is a constant clash of opinions, the rules of common residence are forcibly imposed	Parents provide financial assistance, no need to pay rent
3. Presence of the mother-in-law	There is no way to be alone with her husband, tired of hiding and kissing in the corners	Husband's mother will help with childcare and housework
4. Interesting tips	The mother-in-law tries to impose an opinion	Sometimes mom really suggests ways to solve a problem.

In any situation, you can find a way out. If you have problems with the distribution of labor, it is worth making a cleaning schedule. The method will save time and nerves.
My home, my rules. Parental law. Not satisfied with the laws of common residence? Express your opinion, arguing disagreement.
Restaurants have not been canceled! Hint to your husband that you want to spend time together, retire at least for a few hours.
Sometimes Old Generation Advice Is Really Helpful. Before you refuse to follow your mother-in-law's instructions, listen carefully. The more you communicate, the faster you will get along.

Useful video

How to get along with mother-in-law?

Marrying a beloved and loving man, you should not expect that his parents will immediately be imbued with tender feelings for you. First of all, this concerns the mother of the spouse, who cannot help but feel jealous of the “invader”, even being a smart and self-sufficient woman. Trying to get along with the mother-in-law, one should not expect love from her. People who suddenly become relatives in the eyes of the law are not at all obliged to treat each other warmly.

Not only those who immediately count on love are mistaken, but also those who actively try to earn it. A deliberate demonstration of one's own talents and virtues will not help to achieve the goal. A respectful attitude on the part of the daughter-in-law will be appreciated by the mother-in-law more than, for example, the ability to cook well.

New family rules

How to get along with the mother-in-law in one apartment? The daughter-in-law must understand that she is actually invading someone else's house, in which there are long-established traditions. Some of them may seem strange and redundant, but this will have to be accepted in order to avoid conflicts. If, say, joint meals are accepted in the family, you should not defiantly ignore them, have dinner in your room.

This does not mean that the newlywed should completely abandon their own habits, views on the coexistence of family members. The main thing is to carry out "reforms" gradually, refraining from sudden changes. In this case, the chances are high that the husband's mother will agree to meet halfway. Otherwise, you can limit innovations in the territory of your personal room, and give the mother-in-law all the remaining space.

Permissible limits

How to get along with the mother-in-law in the same apartment so that there are no conflicts? While respecting the wishes of your husband's mother, you should not forget your own needs. A woman who constantly sacrifices her interests will feel unhappy, which will negatively affect her relationship with her husband. For example, being a staunch vegetarian, it is not at all necessary to eat meatballs, even if this is the mother-in-law's signature dish.

Talking about personal space should not be postponed "for later." The daughter-in-law has every right not to want her room to be invaded without knocking, to take her belongings without asking, and so on. Of course, it is necessary to report this in the most correct form, to try so that the list of “requirements” does not turn out to be too long.

So how do you get along with your mother-in-law? Of course, the daughter-in-law should not only insist on keeping the distance, but also not forget about it herself. It is likely that there are things in the house that cannot be touched, and the mother-in-law does not report this simply out of politeness. A frank conversation solves many problems.

Independence

How to get along with your mother-in-law so that everyone is happy? Often people get married before they become completely financially independent. However, it is naive to constantly resort to the help of the husband's mother and at the same time count on her respect. If a young family is fully supported by the parents, they feel entitled to actively interfere in the life of the spouses, comment on their behavior and actions, and give advice. This can have a negative impact on relationships.

These days, even full-time students can easily find part-time jobs. This is beneficial not only in terms of financial independence. Having got a job, the daughter-in-law will see her mother-in-law much less often, which will positively affect their relationship. If there is an urgent need for money, it is more expedient to ask for the necessary amount on credit, and not free of charge.

Compliance with subordination

We study further the question of how to get along with the mother-in-law. Nowadays, the tradition of calling the mother-in-law mother is gradually disappearing. At least in the first months of cohabitation, it is preferable to use the name and patronymic, address "you". Of course, if the mother-in-law herself insists on the “mother” option, you should not actively resist. Even if at first it sounds a little false, you can gradually get used to it.

Household

Many are interested in how to get along with the mother-in-law under one roof. Research shows that homework is an inexhaustible source of conflict. Every woman, no matter how old she is, has her own views on housekeeping, which she considers to be truly correct.

While the daughter-in-law lives on the territory of the mother-in-law, she has to give in mainly to her. This does not mean that you have to do a lot of unusual things for yourself, for example, agree to participate in daily wet cleaning if you are used to mopping floors twice a week. It is better to express admiration for the culinary talents of the husband's mother and ask her for recipes for her signature dishes.

Some part of household duties should definitely be taken on, even if the mother-in-law tries to continue to do everything on her own, otherwise in the near future this will become a reason for reproaches.

Common interests

Considering the question of how a daughter-in-law can get along with her mother-in-law, it is worth saying that people who have common topics for conversation find it much easier to get along with each other. You should not wait for the husband's mother to make the first move, as this may never happen. Finding out the hobby of a new relative is quite simple. Of course, interest in her hobbies must be sincere. You should not, for example, talk about your love for four-legged friends, suffering from allergies. Sooner or later, the truth will come out, causing the relationship to worsen rather than improve.

Spending time together is the shortest path to friendship. It is possible that both women like to go to the theater or indulge in shopping. Why not do it together from time to time - at least once a month? You can also offer your husband's mother a joint visit to the pool or gym if she expresses a desire to play sports. In the end, there are banal walks in the park, useful not only for relationships, but also for health.

Attention

How to make cohabitation with the mother-in-law peaceful, avoid conflicts? Any person likes when they show attention to him. This does not mean that you need to stuff a woman into girlfriends. It is enough just from time to time to show interest in her life, ask about success at work, congratulate her on important dates.

It is also worth learning to listen to the mother-in-law's advice, even if she gives them all the time, without waiting for a corresponding request. It is not at all necessary to follow the recommendations of the husband's mother, but do not ignore her words. After all, from a woman who is much older and more experienced, you can always hear something really useful.

In addition, do not forget about compliments, it is necessary to focus on precisely those qualities that the mother-in-law loves most in herself. It is difficult to find a person who does not have any virtues, the main thing is the ability to discover them. It is highly likely that the mother-in-law as a result will learn to notice the positive aspects of the daughter-in-law. It is not easy to treat badly a person who sincerely praises you.

Talk about son

How to get along with the mother-in-law in the same house peacefully? Of course, married life is difficult to imagine without conflicts. Spouses, even if they love each other very much, from time to time there are certain claims to the second half. It is strictly forbidden to discuss the shortcomings of the husband with his mother. We must not forget that every woman sincerely considers her own child the best. The daughter-in-law's complaints about her son will hardly meet with sympathy; rather, it will hopelessly ruin relations with her mother-in-law.

Talking about a husband with his mother should only be done in a positive way. She will be pleased to hear praise for her child. It is worth noting that it was she who was involved in his upbringing. Why not show gratitude?

Making a list

How to get along with mother-in-law? The advice of a psychologist, unfortunately, does not always help. What to do if the mother of the spouse refuses to make contact, continues to provoke conflicts? Constantly hearing reproaches from the mother-in-law, you should make a list of her complaints and analyze it. It is possible that the list will also include fair reproaches. Let's say the husband's mother does not like the fact that she is forced to take on the lion's share of the housework.

Separately noting fair claims, you can think over and write down answers to unfair reproaches. This is necessary in order to calmly and reasonably discuss the current situation with the mother-in-law, without surrendering to the power of emotions and not falling for provocations.

We do not inflate conflicts

Is it possible to get along with the mother-in-law if she likes to sort things out in a raised voice? Unfortunately, this also happens. In this case, it is worth doing the way diplomats act. No need to try to outshout the opponent, you just need to agree with him in everything. At the same time, the voice should remain measured and calm. Any debater will be confused when he hears that he is absolutely right. In the end, you can wean the mother-in-law from scandals by constantly agreeing with her and not succumbing to provocations.

Of course, we are talking about a conflict in which only one side is guilty. If the quarrel occurred through the fault of the daughter-in-law, you should not start a "cold war" with the husband's mother, refuse to communicate, and so on. The ability to admit one's wrong is a quality that has been valued at all times.

Husband involvement

You should not say unpleasant things about your mother-in-law to your soulmate, no matter how huge the temptation is. It is extremely rare to find people who have a negative attitude towards their own mothers. You can connect your husband to the conflict only as a last resort, if the situation is completely out of control. It is also not recommended to set him up against his mother, such actions will only spoil the relationship between the spouses.

Children

How to get along with the mother-in-law if she actively intervenes in the upbringing of children, guided solely by her own views? Many women, seeing the "second mother" as an enemy, try to limit her communication with the child. The main victim in such a situation is the baby, as adults unconsciously draw him into their conflict.

It is much better to spend time calmly explaining to the husband’s mother what exactly she is doing wrong in what is connected with raising children, taking care of them. In order for the result of the conversation to meet expectations, you need to back up your words with thoughtful arguments, refer to the opinion of specialists.

Useful literature

“How do you get along with your mother-in-law? 63 simple rules "- a wonderful book, authored by Irina Korchagina. This manual is aimed at women who have recently entered into marriage and have not yet mastered the art of communicating with relatives of the second half. The book contains simple recommendations. Using them, you can easily put an end to the "battles" with your husband's mother. Useful information will be able to gather for themselves and the fair sex, who have been married for a long time, but have not yet learned how to get along with their mother-in-law.

This work is useful not only for daughters-in-law, but also for women whose son is going to marry or is already married. The author does not take sides, sincerely cheering for all the participants in the conflict.