How to get along with your mother-in-law. How to live with mother-in-law under a common roof? How to live with a daughter-in-law in an apartment
The first thing I would start with: set myself up for love. When I'm suffocated by negativity towards someone, I always say to myself: Lena, stop. Every person has two sides. Now you only see the bad. Let's look at this man from the good side.
Most often, the soul softens after this, and even shame for oneself appears. And as a result, pity for the person whom I rotted in my eyes and saw only the bad in him.
This is a wonderful state that helps to find the truth. That is, not their own truth, but the truth of both sides. After all, as you know, two people are ALWAYS to blame for a quarrel. And the one who is smarter is more to blame.
After that, I tune in to the position of a proactive person. Not a reactive one who REACTS to the situation, responds with his actions to other people's actions, but a person who paves his own path, along which he needs to be followed.
So. We live together. There are pros and cons. We will leave, there will be pluses and minuses. The ideal, when there are only pluses, does not happen in life.
In order to define your actions, you first need to decide on a goal.
By all appearances, your husband is doing well in his parents' house. Yes, and you are not so bad. Only the situation with homework that has arisen interferes. Apparently you have no complaints about the father-in-law.
And the mother-in-law, just a tired woman, to whom life gave the joy of rest for a minute, and then quickly took it away. She was offended. But not on you. And that it will be hard for her again. Get the situation right. How long have you been housekeeping? And for how many years she fed, watered, raised, and even worked.
She's just tired. And he can't find the strength to go back.
When you have children, then you, too, as she will cook, clean, wash. Because this is YOUR family. And this is a very strong motive.
And the mother-in-law with the father-in-law is not your family, so the motive is weak and you are on strike.
But for the mother-in-law, you are not her family, and your husband is now, as it were, more yours than hers, so her motive is also not strong.
What a summary: neither you nor your mother-in-law are ready to do all the housework.
What to do? You can, as you have already tried, "leave the ball to each other." Such a decision only leads to conflict. What did you actually come to.
And now a simple psychological move.
Never! never criticize a person. No husband, no daughter, no friend, no one! This causes resentment, defensive reaction and guaranteed conflict.
You need to DISCUSS ACTIONS.
The child is not a slob who always has dirty hands, but: look, his hands are dirty, they are dirty, let's wash them. Don't forget to wash your hands when you get dirty. And I'll give you some hints until you yourself remember.
Technically it looks like this: Sit down at the table. Place a sheet of paper in front of you. And "draw" mentally the problem on the sheet. The main thing: no people.
Morning. Cost Cooking, cleaning.
Evening, dinner, cooking, cleaning.
Saturday, shop, market, laundry, big cleaning.
You can draw this on paper in a circle. And in the second, larger circle, draw the people to whom this applies.
Get four people. Who decides all these issues? For one person, anyone, too much. It's easier for two. For four, just lightly))).
Gather the whole family, put a piece of paper on the table, warn that no one can talk about a person, but can only talk about a person’s actions. He does not talk about the past, but only talks about the present and the future.
Here are the cases before us. We all use it. It's four of us. Let's write the cases in a column and put each one in the columns. And now what affairs in whom cause what emotions.
Washing dishes? Me - 2, mother-in-law - three, father-in-law, husband - 4. Oh, the husband is less disgusted than others to wash the dishes. The husband is washing the dishes. Etc.
Another way.
At the moment when you love and pity your mother-in-law, call her to whisper. Confess that in the heat of the moment they did not take into account how hard it is now for her to drag four adults on her. Tell me what's hard for you. Agree on how to divide the responsibilities between two. She cooks, you clean, she does laundry, you shop. Moreover, arrange a joint conspiracy against men: why serve such bullies? Let's wisely, like a woman, teach them to wash dishes, take out the trash, go for potatoes.
I don’t know the specifics of your family, but I know for sure that with a positive attitude, you will come up with your own scenario that will not only help you overcome the crisis, but also give you a chance to improve what you have: get closer to your mother-in-law, for example. And your husband will appreciate you more, and this is not so unimportant in a big life.
And if you separate, you will lose both.
Unless each of you will cook two servings less. But EVERYBODY will do the full range of things. What were they fighting for? And as a result, a complete set of housewives for everyone. And so there is a chance for each of you to make your life easier.
About how to behave if separate housing looms in the distant future, and the young are forced to exist on the same square meters as the mother-in-law, we asked the psychologist, the founder of the Happy Family Center, Irina Korchagina.
I will repay, or history repeats itself
Every woman first lives in the status of a daughter-in-law and suffers from the oppression of her mother-in-law. She then becomes a mother-in-law herself. It would seem that a woman should remember her suffering, draw conclusions and say to herself: I was tormented by my mother-in-law, now I will not oppress an innocent girl who married my son, and I will not cause her suffering. Not! This is not happening! A woman, moving from the status of a daughter-in-law to the status of a mother-in-law, seems to say to herself: well, now you will answer for my suffering. She rolls up her sleeves and with increased force begins to do with her daughter-in-law what her mother-in-law once did with her.
Why is this happening? The explanation lies on the surface: the whole existence of man is built on rivalry. Men fight for territories, for power, for markets, for women. Well, women - women fight for men. The rivalry between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law is dominated by non-contact battles, although sometimes they are fought in such a way that shreds fly through the back streets.
The mother-in-law is always neither a friend nor an enemy, but a rival.
We take as a basis that you got a good mother-in-law. She tells her daughter-in-law that she is always on her side and, like a woman, she will always understand and support her. Don't believe! In the most critical moments, the mother-in-law will always take the side of her son, because he is her blood, flesh of her flesh. In relations with the mother-in-law, you should always be on your guard, never relax and keep a reasonable distance. It is ideal to live as far away from the mother-in-law as possible. Best of all - in another city. But this condition, unfortunately, is rarely feasible, so I propose some rules that will help you maintain a comfortable relationship with your mother-in-law.
Divide the beds correctly
It is no coincidence that they say that two housewives do not get along in the same kitchen, so if you had to share a roof with your husband's parents, find yourself an unoccupied niche in the household. It's a niche! If you do nothing, you will be accused of idleness. If you grab onto everything in a row, this will be regarded as an attempt on the master's territory, and war is guaranteed for you, so a correctly found niche will save you.
For example, your mother-in-law is a wonderful hostess, but she does not know how to sew, then start sewing something for your husband, even some shorts for giving. If you don’t know how to sew at all and don’t even know how to pick up scissors, then find some craftsman, let them cut these shorts for you, and with a smart face you will pretend that you are processing the seams.
The main thing is that the mother-in-law observes you with work in hand, and then sees the result of your work on her adored son. This is enough to build a reputation.
Take into account that all your economic efforts should be intended only for your husband, that is, her son. Any other innovation of the daughter-in-law will be rejected and even written down as a liability.
If, for example, you notice that your mother-in-law does not sew curtains, and decide to eliminate this gap in the household with your own hands, sew new curtains and put them on the windows, they will simply be removed as an object that brings disorder into the traditions of the house that have been established for years.
I also don't recommend getting into cooking. A big mistake many women make is trying to cook something from the repertoire of their husband's mother.
The daughter-in-law may take an interest in the recipe, she can even memorize it and quote it at every opportunity, but in no case should you try to put this recipe into work.
This is the very competition that the daughter-in-law will never win. Yes, there is a great temptation to cook his favorite empanadas (dumplings with garlic, charlotte with apples) according to his mother's recipe. It seems to the daughter-in-law that, having mastered the famous mother's recipe, she will kill two birds with one stone: she will please her mother-in-law, as she will continue the family tradition, and will please her husband, as she will cook his favorite dish. But this is an illusion!
The trick here is very simple: it does not matter what and how the wife cooks. She can do it very well, and the dish will be great. But it will be different. It will necessarily be different, because the same ingredients in different hands give different results. This is a known fact. And the son is used to absorbing what his mother has been preparing all previous years. Habit is a great power! And in this case, the habit will become the weapon that will bring victory points to the mother-in-law. Therefore, never undertake to cook his mother's favorite dishes! And anyway, why do you need to cook? Let her do it, accustomed to doing it year after year. And your diocese is the bedroom. Do magic there!
Keep your distance
Very often, the mother-in-law offers friendship to her daughter-in-law and starts heart-to-heart conversations with her, she offers her friendship to her. How easy it is for girls to fall for this hook! And in fact - who refuses to have intimate conversations? I warn you: you need to be friends with your mother-in-law very carefully, keeping an honorable distance. And not everyone should keep up the conversation. Especially if the mother-in-law likes to talk about her son. And she demands from her daughter-in-law to tell her everything. Everything!
To speak mother-in-law about her son, you need only good things and never succumb to her provocations to criticize her son along with her.
If she begins to do this, then criticism of her son should be stopped with a soft and insinuating intonation, but it is better to gracefully transfer the conversation to another topic.
It is also very important to remember that one cannot speak badly of the mother-in-law.
You can’t complain about your mother-in-law to your husband, you can’t ask him to appease his mother. When a wife complains to her husband about her mother, a real revolution begins in his head, bloody and merciless. Mom is the most precious thing in a person's life. And the wife encroaches on her mother! It doesn't matter if the criticism is fair. And it does not matter that the son himself often criticizes his own mother. He is allowed. She - no.
If something in the mother-in-law does not like, whether it is pleasant or not, but the wife must resolve her issue with the mother-in-law herself, and the husband must be taken out of the game. Women often put their hands on their hips and say: "Either me, or your mother." A very dangerous phrase! After all, this choice may not be decided in favor of the wife. Wives come and go, but mother is the only one and forever. Even if it seems to a woman that there is not a very good relationship between her mother-in-law and her son, even in these cases, it is impossible to put the question to her husband so sharply. Unless, of course, you want to get divorced. And if you want to save a relationship, don't play with fire!
Catherine! The mother-in-law really wants to show you her territory and, especially, how caring and necessary she is! To put it simply, she wants attention! In a case like yours, you can do it differently, there are several options: talk face-to-face with your mother-in-law and explain all your inconveniences on your own, because a person may really not understand which ones inconvenience you experience! Also, you can talk to your husband with your mother - this will be a "back" conversation, which can cause the mother-in-law's aggression towards you. You can ask your husband to move out to rented accommodation. Living separately, of course, is great !!)) But you have a construction site .. Which means it's expensive! What remains? Talk! And talk to you! Your problem, your mother-in-law, your inconvenience, your health!)) In our life, nothing happens just like that! Every person that comes into your life is a teacher. What does your mother-in-law want to teach you? What does she want to tell you? You know very well the nuances in your family life, which means you know exactly what you should learn in this family. Perhaps you don’t really want to undergo such training ...)) But life sometimes teaches such lessons !!!)) Which will definitely come in handy in the future! Prepare for the conversation ahead of time. Warn your opponent that you want to talk, indicate the topic of conversation, choose a time convenient for both of you and say this:
Active listening: When you convey to a person information about his feelings in a narrative form! For example: you are happy, you are calm, you are happy, you are scared, you are offended. And also you talk about your feelings: I'm glad, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm offended, I'm upset. In this way, you make it clear to the person that you understand his feelings, and clearly explain your emotions so that you are understood clearly and correctly.
Communication tactics: You speak for 15-20 minutes, and the interlocutor listens to you attentively and does not interrupt, does not ask questions. Then the interlocutor speaks for 15-20 minutes, and you listen and do not interrupt. Then, 30-40 minutes to discuss your statements without shouting and reproaches. It is desirable to find a compromise solution that suits both of you.
Mother-in-law parable.
In ancient China, a girl who got married lived in her husband's house and served him and his mother. It so happened that one girl, after the wedding, was not able to endure the constant reproaches of her mother-in-law. She decided to get rid of it. The girl went to an herbalist who was a friend of her father. She told him:
“I can no longer live with my mother-in-law. She drives me crazy. could you help me? I will pay well.
- What can I do for you? - Asked the herbalist.
- I want you to sell me poison. I will poison my mother-in-law and get rid of all troubles - she answered.
After much thought, the herbalist said:
- Okay, I'll help you. But you must understand two things. First, you can't poison your mother-in-law right away because people will guess what happened. I will give you herbs that will gradually kill her, and no one will think that she was poisoned. Secondly, in order to completely avoid any suspicion, you must tame your anger, learn to respect her, love, listen and be patient. Then no one will suspect you when she dies.
The girl agreed to everything, took the herbs and began to add them to her mother-in-law's food. In addition, she learned to control herself, listen to her mother-in-law and respect her. When she saw how her daughter-in-law's attitude towards her had changed, she fell in love with the girl with all her heart. She told everyone that her daughter-in-law is the best, one that one can only dream of.
Six months later, the relationship between them became close, as between a natural mother and her daughter.
And then one day the girl came to the herbalist and prayed:
- For God's sake, please save my mother-in-law from the poison I gave her. I don't want to kill her. She has become the most beautiful mother-in-law and I love her.
The herbalist smiled and replied:
Don't worry, I didn't give you any poison. What I gave you is just spices. The poison was only in your head, and you got rid of it yourself.
***
The same goes for most of our problems. They are the poison that poisons our lives. But a poison that is only in our minds. Think about whether your problem is really that serious.
P.S.
Think about how important your current problem will be in 10-15 years. Do you remember her at all?
A daughter-in-law often has to wonder how to live with her mother-in-law in the same house, without quarreling.
Help with this advice from psychologists.
Life under one roof - psychology
You moved into your mother-in-law's house - and here there will almost certainly be problems especially the first time.
- Mother-in-law is on her territory. She feels like the mistress of the house. There are her rules.
- The mother-in-law got used to a certain rhythm of life, and the young couple disturbs the prevailing atmosphere.
- Two mistresses Difficulty living in the same kitchen. Most likely, the mother-in-law will be critical of the daughter-in-law. Perhaps she thinks she wants to do good by giving advice, not always realizing that this can annoy her son's wife.
- Most of the husband's mothers unhappy bride. This is due primarily to jealousy, the fact that the son no longer belongs completely to her.
- The ability and desire of both parties is important compromise.
It often happens that the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law try to interfere with their man, hoping for his support.
He is forced to be between two fires, loving both women, and it is difficult for him to take one side without offending the other.
How to get along in one apartment?
A few simple rules help make life easier:
To take a break from the constant presence of your mother-in-law, spend time with your husband together - rest, restaurants, walks in nature.
How to find a common language?
Your mother-in-law has a lot of knowledge, and you may well learn from her this experience. Ask her to teach you how to cook some delicious dish. She will be pleased that you ask her advice.
If you have just moved into an apartment, do not immediately begin to actively defend your rights, let your mother-in-law get used to the fact that you now live in their house.
However, it is important to make it clear that you are now complete family member, you and your husband have a personal space, in which it is not always correct to interfere.
Joint business unites. Offer your help in cleaning, rolling vegetables, in the country.
If you live together, then you will have to help your mother-in-law with the housework, since now you are a full-fledged member of the family and live together.
The mother-in-law is a mother who loves her son, and like any mother, she experiences, because now another woman has captured his attention.
She will have to put up with with the presence of a daughter-in-law, but this does not always happen. Some mothers do not want to compromise, accept their son's wife, and no action, no attempt to establish contact helps.
How to tolerate my husband's mother?
Annoying mother-in-law, we live together: what to do? Your job is first and foremost learn to deal with your own emotions. The other person is not responsible for your state and mood, just as you are not responsible for his feelings.
Try to disengage if your mother-in-law constantly pesters you. In the end, you are not obliged to respond to her accusations, screams, complaints. You can pretend to listen, but it is not necessary to perceive and memorize information at all.
It is likely that without meeting an answer and resistance, the woman herself will soften after a while and wants to make contact.
An excellent reception is to try to find in the mother-in-law. There is something positive in every person. Perhaps your mother-in-law is an excellent teacher or a good cook, or maybe she is a creative person.
Find positive qualities in her and then it will be easier to communicate. Ask her about the years of her youth, how she met her husband, let her tell about her son's childhood.
Good memories soften people. If you tune in to the same wavelength with your mother-in-law, it will be easier for you to find a common language.
Another way- build relationships as if you are employees working in the same territory. In this case, you do not need to show vivid emotions - joy or anger, you simply organize communication on a business basis.
You meet in the morning, have breakfast, solve joint issues, maintaining a business style of communication. Over time, relations can become more friendly, when the mother-in-law understands what her daughter-in-law is like, how successful she is in family life.
Learn to stand up for yourself. Once feeling weak, the mother-in-law will take advantage of this, and each time her pressure will increase. At the same time, she will begin to criticize you already openly, discredit you in front of her son, pointing out any of your shortcomings.
That is why it is important to build relationships with relatives from the first day of living together.
However, the ability to stand up for oneself does not mean scandals, high-pitched conversations.
On the contrary, your speech should be as calm and convincing as possible. Let your mother-in-law know exactly what you don't like and why. Be sure to include a reason and not just: I don't want to.
How to diversify family life? you will find on our website.
I can’t live with my mother-in-law: what should I do?
It also happens that conflicts between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law happen daily. It is no longer possible to live together - the husband, children, wife suffer. The mother-in-law in every possible way survives the daughter-in-law from the house, gets into relationships, trying to destroy them.
Trying to remain calm, to be patient, does not lead to anything. In this case, the most acceptable option is to move to another apartment.
The health of your family should be in the forefront, so if the situation is out of control, then it is better to find a separate accommodation. You can rent an apartment or take out a mortgage.
If you have been as calm and reasonable as possible all the time, then a tactical step would be to speak in raised tones.
One day, your emotions will heat up so much that you need to throw them out.
speak openly, what does not suit you, show your anger that has accumulated inside.
Tactics are not suitable for everyone - it is important to take into account the nature of the person and his possible reaction.
After such violent manifestations mother-in-law can finally reach that there are moments that you do not like.
A short and sharp conflict should be single and not develop into a habit.
How to convince a spouse to settle separately?
The husband does not want to move out from his mother - this is a big problem.
A woman wants to live with us: what to do?
The mother-in-law has decided to live with you, and of course you don't want that.
Such a desire most often arises in single women or those who want to completely control their son even after he has married.
What to do in this case:
- let the son directly explain to the mother that this is impossible;
- explain to her that you have your own rhythm, your own life, and you have the right to independence;
- a young family should live separately from their parents - this is one of the factors of family happiness;
- talk to your husband and say that you don’t mind if your mother comes to visit, but you don’t want her to live with you for specific reasons - these reasons must be voiced;
- if the decision is made, and the husband’s mother moves in with you, try to calm down and think over the tactics of communicating with her - do not give her the opportunity to take power in your house into her own hands, immediately set boundaries.
How to survive it from our house?
If the mother-in-law appeared in your house and stayed there to live, set boundaries immediately.
Do not let her command you, change the arrangement of things in your house.
It is not necessary to roll up scandals, it is enough to calmly talk about what is here your territory and mistress you.
There are more stringent measures, for example, turn on loud music, go to bed late, invite guests often, that is, do everything so that the mother-in-law feels maximum discomfort.
The main thing is to do it in such a way as not to offend anyone, but at the same time make it clear to the person that he is superfluous in your house and does not fit into your lifestyle.
One of the correct ways is talk directly. You need to decide on a conversation, and it’s better if your husband supports you. Explain to the mother-in-law that you appreciate and respect her, but the young family wants to live separately.
In communication with the mother-in-law, the main thing is - be patient, remain calm and not react to provocations on her part.
How to get along with mother-in-law? Psychology and rules of behavior of the daughter-in-law:
How to get along with mother-in-law? Jokes about the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law would not be so popular among the people if it were easy for two women. The situation becomes more complicated when the newlyweds are forced after the wedding without the funds to purchase or rent their own housing. So, with the husband's mother?
How to get along with mother-in-law?
Marrying a beloved and loving man, you should not expect that his parents will immediately be imbued with tender feelings for you. First of all, this concerns the mother of the spouse, who cannot help but feel jealous of the “invader”, even being a smart and self-sufficient woman. Trying to get along with the mother-in-law, one should not expect love from her. People who suddenly become relatives in the eyes of the law are not at all obliged to treat each other warmly.
Not only those who immediately count on love are mistaken, but also those who actively try to earn it. A deliberate demonstration of one's own talents and virtues will not help to achieve the goal. A respectful attitude on the part of the daughter-in-law will be appreciated by the mother-in-law more than, for example, the ability to cook well.
New family rules
How to get along with the mother-in-law in one apartment? The daughter-in-law must understand that she is actually invading someone else's house, in which there are long-established traditions. Some of them may seem strange and redundant, but this will have to be accepted in order to avoid conflicts. If, say, joint meals are accepted in the family, you should not defiantly ignore them, have dinner in your room.
This does not mean that the newlywed should completely abandon their own habits, views on the coexistence of family members. The main thing is to carry out "reforms" gradually, refraining from sudden changes. In this case, the chances are high that the husband's mother will agree to meet halfway. Otherwise, you can limit innovations in the territory of your personal room, and give the mother-in-law all the remaining space.
Permissible limits
How to get along with the mother-in-law in the same apartment so that there are no conflicts? While respecting the wishes of your husband's mother, you should not forget your own needs. A woman who constantly sacrifices her interests will feel unhappy, which will negatively affect her relationship with her husband. For example, being a staunch vegetarian, it is not at all necessary to eat meatballs, even if this is the mother-in-law's signature dish.
Talking about personal space should not be postponed "for later." The daughter-in-law has every right not to want her room to be invaded without knocking, to take her belongings without asking, and so on. Of course, it is necessary to report this in the most correct form, to try so that the list of “requirements” does not turn out to be too long.
So how do you get along with your mother-in-law? Of course, the daughter-in-law should not only insist on keeping the distance, but also not forget about it herself. It is likely that there are things in the house that cannot be touched, and the mother-in-law does not report this simply out of politeness. A frank conversation solves many problems.
Independence
How to get along with your mother-in-law so that everyone is happy? Often people get married before they become completely financially independent. However, it is naive to constantly resort to the help of the husband's mother and at the same time count on her respect. If a young family is fully supported by the parents, they feel entitled to actively interfere in the life of the spouses, comment on their behavior and actions, and give advice. This can have a negative impact on relationships.
These days, even full-time students can easily find part-time jobs. This is beneficial not only in terms of financial independence. Having got a job, the daughter-in-law will see her mother-in-law much less often, which will positively affect their relationship. If there is an urgent need for money, it is more expedient to ask for the necessary amount on credit, and not free of charge.
Compliance with subordination
We study further the question of how to get along with the mother-in-law. Nowadays, the tradition of calling the mother-in-law mother is gradually disappearing. At least in the first months of cohabitation, it is preferable to use the name and patronymic, address "you". Of course, if the mother-in-law herself insists on the “mother” option, you should not actively resist. Even if at first it sounds a little false, you can gradually get used to it.
Household
Many are interested in how to get along with the mother-in-law under one roof. Research shows that homework is an inexhaustible source of conflict. Every woman, no matter how old she is, has her own views on housekeeping, which she considers to be truly correct.
While the daughter-in-law lives on the territory of the mother-in-law, she has to give in mainly to her. This does not mean that you have to do a lot of unusual things for yourself, for example, agree to participate in daily wet cleaning if you are used to mopping floors twice a week. It is better to express admiration for the culinary talents of the husband's mother and ask her for recipes for her signature dishes.
Some part of household duties should definitely be taken on, even if the mother-in-law tries to continue to do everything on her own, otherwise in the near future this will become a reason for reproaches.
Common interests
Considering the question of how a daughter-in-law can get along with her mother-in-law, it is worth saying that people who have common topics for conversation find it much easier to get along with each other. You should not wait for the husband's mother to make the first move, as this may never happen. Finding out the hobby of a new relative is quite simple. Of course, interest in her hobbies must be sincere. You should not, for example, talk about your love for four-legged friends, suffering from allergies. Sooner or later, the truth will come out, causing the relationship to worsen rather than improve.
Spending time together is the shortest path to friendship. It is possible that both women like to go to the theater or indulge in shopping. Why not do it together from time to time - at least once a month? You can also offer your husband's mother a joint visit to the pool or gym if she expresses a desire to play sports. In the end, there are banal walks in the park, useful not only for relationships, but also for health.
Attention
How to make cohabitation with the mother-in-law peaceful, avoid conflicts? Any person likes when they show attention to him. This does not mean that you need to stuff a woman into girlfriends. It is enough just from time to time to show interest in her life, ask about success at work, congratulate her on important dates.
It is also worth learning to listen to the mother-in-law's advice, even if she gives them all the time, without waiting for a corresponding request. It is not at all necessary to follow the recommendations of the husband's mother, but do not ignore her words. After all, from a woman who is much older and more experienced, you can always hear something really useful.
In addition, do not forget about compliments, it is necessary to focus on precisely those qualities that the mother-in-law loves most in herself. It is difficult to find a person who does not have any virtues, the main thing is the ability to discover them. It is highly likely that the mother-in-law as a result will learn to notice the positive aspects of the daughter-in-law. It is not easy to treat badly a person who sincerely praises you.
Talk about son
How to get along with the mother-in-law in the same house peacefully? Of course, married life is difficult to imagine without conflicts. Spouses, even if they love each other very much, from time to time there are certain claims to the second half. It is strictly forbidden to discuss the shortcomings of the husband with his mother. We must not forget that every woman sincerely considers her own child the best. The daughter-in-law's complaints about her son will hardly meet with sympathy; rather, it will hopelessly ruin relations with her mother-in-law.
Talking about a husband with his mother should only be done in a positive way. She will be pleased to hear praise for her child. It is worth noting that it was she who was involved in his upbringing. Why not show gratitude?
Making a list
How to get along with mother-in-law? The advice of a psychologist, unfortunately, does not always help. What to do if the mother of the spouse refuses to make contact, continues to provoke conflicts? Constantly hearing reproaches from the mother-in-law, you should make a list of her complaints and analyze it. It is possible that the list will also include fair reproaches. Let's say the husband's mother does not like the fact that she is forced to take on the lion's share of the housework.
Separately noting fair claims, you can think over and write down answers to unfair reproaches. This is necessary in order to calmly and reasonably discuss the current situation with the mother-in-law, without surrendering to the power of emotions and not falling for provocations.
We do not inflate conflicts
Is it possible to get along with the mother-in-law if she likes to sort things out in a raised voice? Unfortunately, this also happens. In this case, it is worth doing the way diplomats act. No need to try to outshout the opponent, you just need to agree with him in everything. At the same time, the voice should remain measured and calm. Any debater will be confused when he hears that he is absolutely right. In the end, you can wean the mother-in-law from scandals by constantly agreeing with her and not succumbing to provocations.
Of course, we are talking about a conflict in which only one side is guilty. If the quarrel occurred through the fault of the daughter-in-law, you should not start a "cold war" with the husband's mother, refuse to communicate, and so on. The ability to admit one's wrong is a quality that has been valued at all times.
Husband involvement
You should not say unpleasant things about your mother-in-law to your soulmate, no matter how huge the temptation is. It is extremely rare to find people who have a negative attitude towards their own mothers. You can connect your husband to the conflict only as a last resort, if the situation is completely out of control. It is also not recommended to set him up against his mother, such actions will only spoil the relationship between the spouses.
Children
How to get along with the mother-in-law if she actively intervenes in the upbringing of children, guided solely by her own views? Many women, seeing the "second mother" as an enemy, try to limit her communication with the child. The main victim in such a situation is the baby, as adults unconsciously draw him into their conflict.
It is much better to spend time calmly explaining to the husband’s mother what exactly she is doing wrong in what is connected with raising children, taking care of them. In order for the result of the conversation to meet expectations, you need to back up your words with thoughtful arguments, refer to the opinion of specialists.
Useful literature
“How do you get along with your mother-in-law? 63 simple rules "- a wonderful book, authored by Irina Korchagina. This manual is aimed at women who have recently entered into marriage and have not yet mastered the art of communicating with relatives of the second half. The book contains simple recommendations. Using them, you can easily put an end to the "battles" with your husband's mother. Useful information will be able to gather for themselves and the fair sex, who have been married for a long time, but have not yet learned how to get along with their mother-in-law.
This work is useful not only for daughters-in-law, but also for women whose son is going to marry or is already married. The author does not take sides, sincerely cheering for all the participants in the conflict.