How to teach your child to clean up after themselves toys. How to cunningly teach a child to clean up toys What to do when a child cleans up toys

I rarely write about parenting. And although I have a lot of knowledge on this topic, there is still no realized experience in resolving all issues, since my daughter is only 3.5 years old, I am just learning to be a mother, and this is given to me with great difficulty.
And today I want to answer a letter from Alena, my friend:
"Tanya, hi!
I want to ask you about your experience of communicating with Masha, what do you do in those cases when she does not want to clean up after herself toys or what she herself brought and scattered, do you force her?
Lyubava does not want to do almost anything herself, although she may say: “No, you take it away.” I already use, in my opinion, forbidden methods, I say: “Lyubava, I’m not pleased when you don’t take away what you brought, I’m offended.” But in this way, I hang my mood, my emotions on her, but I don’t want to follow her lead either. She is not so independent, or maybe she is still small and I have some ideas of my own, although accepted in society, but contradicting the true nature of the child?
Alenka, it’s great that you don’t break the child, that you think about these questions and look for answers, trying to be attentive to the child, and not to some established rules.
I will share my understanding of this issue, based on Vedic knowledge, my own experience and the experience of raising me by my parents.

Where to begin?
From the principles of education. It is most important. Without understanding the essence of this process, we can go very far from the truth.
What principles are important for parents to follow if they want to help their child grow into a harmonious personality?
First principle. The parent is responsible for the CHILD-PARENT relationship.
This means that there are no bad children, but ALWAYS, in any situation when we don’t like our child, it means only one thing - we don’t like ourselves as parents, we use the wrong approach to the child, we are in an illusion, in bondage ignorance, influenced by their childhood traumas.
The child should not be comfortable and convenient for us, and he does not come to please us.
We attract into our life a child who corresponds to our level of development.
We create an environment around him in which he CANNOT manifest himself otherwise.
And if we want changes in the child, then we need to change ourselves. Gain knowledge, look for new approaches, study not only your child, but also yourself as a parent, asking yourself questions - What am I doing wrong?
And not "How can I break a child so that he becomes the way I feel comfortable." Very often, parents choose exactly this tactic and then pay for it when they receive coldness, rejection, disrespect, and even contempt for their already grown children.

Second principle. My child is not me, which means he can be different.
Your child may be very different from you in nature.
You love order, and for him it may be prohibitive, he may NEVER learn to be neat and clean, and you do not have the task of a lifetime - to teach him to put toys and his things in their places. Nobody will ask you for this.
Life will ask you for what kind of person your child has grown up to be, how compassionate and merciful he is to other people, how harmonious he is, and what aftertaste he has left after the parental family - deep respect for parents for giving the most important thing - their love or deep contempt for the fact that they tried with all their might to turn him into a comfortable and correct child, guided by some of their own rules.
A child ALWAYS tries to please his parents. But he can only do this according to his nature.

Just imagine.
Your girl is a dreamer, a creative person, a wonderful artist, and she runs to you with her drawings, she dances her childish dances in front of you, she shows all the best that she has.
But it doesn't make you happy. You don't pay attention to her strengths, to her already existing talents, you have a trick to "accustom her to order", and this goal overshadows everything for you.
In this case, the child has no chance to please you. Because accuracy is not her forte, and never will be.
What will happen to her if you focus on her neatness? She will grow up with the feeling “I am worthless, I can’t do anything, I can’t do ANYTHING, and I’m not worth anything, my mother is unhappy with me, no matter what I do.”
I know that you don’t do that, that you admire Lyubava when she shows her nature, I just show you what adherence to “rules” without love can lead to.
After one, we grew up crippled by these rules, everyone tried to shove us into their own framework, regardless of our nature. What came of it, we know for ourselves.
By the way, as a creative person, I am very grateful to my parents for the fact that they didn’t spy on me, didn’t shame me for mess and sloppiness. They just didn't pay attention to it. And I grew up with an almost healthy feeling of myself, and now I am learning cleanliness and neatness myself, and I understand that I will need more than one life for this.
But my friend was chased for every speck of dust. What happened? Her house is immaculately clean. She hates cleaning, but at the same time she cannot but put things in order, the fear of her mother is still alive. She cannot boast of anything else - she did not find her favorite business, because she was busy satisfying her mother's needs, because she was always afraid that her mother would not like her choice. And now she is also chasing her daughter into a mess, taking revenge on her for the fact that her mother ruined her life.
The second case is extreme, and we need to be very attentive to ourselves so that the desire to follow the rules does not overshadow our love for our child.
Third principle. Think about “what my child needs now”, and not about “what can I fuck with him”
And this does not mean to satisfy the whims of the child. Sometimes he needs strictness, clear boundaries, serious conversations, but it is the task of the parent to understand what he needs right now.
Until the age of nine, the child's mind is not developed. Even if it seems to us that this is not so, even if we receive from him meaningful, as it seems to us, answers and actions.
Until the age of nine, a child is not able to take responsibility for his actions, control his behavior, and even more so, emotions. He does not understand and does not perceive the rules, he is not able to listen and heed our moralizing, draw conclusions and separate himself from his actions.
He perceives only the feelings of mom, and then dad.
- If mom is happy, if mom is happy, then "I'm good."
- If mom is unhappy, if she screams or cries, if she is upset, then "I'm bad." Even if the condition of the mother is not connected with the child, he perceives everything that way.
We want to teach a child responsibility, but we often do it very early, we deprive children of childhood, trying to quickly make adults out of them, so as not to learn to be parents, so as not to solve our problems in relations with him, in order to quickly push him into adulthood.
Judge for yourself, although our motive is to instill responsibility in the child, the results are often very far from this:
- demanding from the child ahead of time what he cannot give due to his age or nature, we inspire him with the thought “something is wrong with me, I am bad”;
- trying to manipulate him with our feelings (mom feels bad when you don’t put away toys), we deprive them of support and ground under their feet - “mom feels bad because of me, which means I'm BAD. And if my mother does not love me, then no one will ever love me again ”;
- comparing him with others, talking about how well we did it, we let him know "I'm good, you're bad";
- punishing the child for his mistakes and oversights, for his inability to take on what we want to hang on him, we instill in him “you are bad and deserve punishment. I'm good and I can punish you. The way you are, you don't suit me. You need to follow my rules so I don't punish you."

Where is the responsibility here?
Where is the love here?
A child to whom this approach is applied grows up as an irresponsible person, with a feeling of insignificance and a constant expectation of punishment.
If this is a girl, then she tries to guess what others need, forgetting about herself, she tries to be good, to please others so that she is not punished. Such a strategy only leads to the fact that this girl is used, no one appreciates her efforts, no one respects her nature. The girl takes on too much responsibility, or rather, she takes on someone else's responsibility, feeling guilty for the bad mood of others.
If this is a boy, then he does not care about the feelings of others, he often steps over them for the sake of his desires. He relieves himself of responsibility for everything, and simply lives for his own pleasure, blaming everyone around for his failures.

How to follow this principle?
Study the nature of the child.
Watch him.
Know his needs.
Now there is a lot of information on this topic, any astrologer will help determine the nature of the child, there is a lot of information about what different children need (Ruslan Narushevich “Children from Heaven”, Marina Targakova “Windows to the World of a Child”, etc.) and at what age.
It is important for us to know who is in front of us in order to give him what he needs.
For example, I have a daughter of a sensitive type, she is very sensitive, and she perceives my raising her voice very painfully - “mom is angry, I'm afraid of her.” She needs a lot of support and my attention, she needs her mother to be by her side all the time. Naturally, this is inconvenient for me, but I understand that these are her needs, and I try to give her as much mother as I can.
For my child, kindergarten will be especially traumatic, so I have no thoughts about it at all.
I have given only the basic principles with which it all begins, there is still a lot of important information that you need to know. And it needs to be studied in order to put it into practice.
What to do with toys, where does that line lie, when do you need to show not only love, but also rigor?

First, if you follow the above principles, it will already be easier for you in such matters, because you will understand that they are not important.
It does not matter whether the daughter will clean up the toys or not.
It is important how she will feel when she grows up - loved or bad.

Secondly, before the age of nine, it is too early to burden her with any responsibility.

Third, a few more specific recommendations I use with my daughter:
- Give her the opportunity not to put away the toys. NEVER. If messiness bothers you, you need to pay attention to why it bothers you, not how to clean up with your own daughter. Very often, a woman in stress begins to demand help from loved ones, regardless of who is in front of her - a husband or a small child. And you need to get out of stress yourself, and not hide behind the fact that “putting away toys is right.”
- Invite her to put the toys away with you. If she agrees - rejoice, praise her, tell dad, “Dad, look at the order. It was Lyubava who helped me, she is such an assistant to us.”
- ignore her unwillingness to clean up - she has the right to do so, and you know for yourself what happens to you if you start to force yourself to do the cleaning when you have no desire and strength. After all, this is all laid down in childhood, when a mother raises a cleaner from her daughter, and not a happy woman. The order in your house is your responsibility, not your child's. If cleanliness is important to you, then bring it on. I'm talking about a small child, teenagers need a different approach.
- rejoice in every desire of the child to help you, and in no case do not pay her attention to what she did not succeed.
- learn to clean your house with love - the daughter takes over from her mother what she does with joy, and avoids what her mother hates to do.
My daughter cleans up toys whenever she wants - sometimes she plays tidy. Basically, I clean the toys, each time offering her to help me. None of my manipulations have worked even once - my daughter cuts through everything very quickly, and with a smile invites me to “clean it up myself”.
She helps me clean the floor, clean the cupboards, wash my clothes, cook - it's a game for her. And I sincerely rejoice in her help, I tell my husband about it, praise her, although in fact I have to redo everything. Her desire to be useful is important to me, I really appreciate it.
Also, I am learning to respect my daughter, to listen to her needs, to help her live through her big tragedies. I am learning to be a mother by focusing on myself, on bestowal. This is the most important thing in our relationship with children, and I wish you just that.
We should not fill with our child our lack of mother's love, husband's love, like-minded people, girlfriends - this is inhuman. And I try very hard to heal my childhood traumas not at the expense of my child.
Very often, having not received love from our mother, we begin to demand it from our child, traumatizing him, making him an adult, violating the principle of parenthood. Children suffer greatly from this. We ourselves suffer from this.
And to prevent this from happening, it is important for us to heal our relationship WITH MOTHER.

Tatiana Plotnikova

1. Magic box

2. Lazy box

3. Important box

The main thing is love and patience!

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HOW TO TEACH YOUR CHILD TO PUT TOYS OUT

For a child, words are necessary and duty is an empty phrase; it is almost impossible to force a baby to do what he does not want. Screaming, swearing and demanding, now it’s useless to remove your toys, it can result in a river of tears and a grandiose hysteria.

We offer simple rules that will help you teach your child to clean up their toys:

First of all, the first time you remove toys yourself, do it with pleasure. The child should not see what a tedious and boring activity this is. Let him see that it brings you joy.

Then invite your child to help you. Start cleaning yourself, and then ask the crumbs for help. Do not get angry if the child refuses at first, and do not stop cleaning. Let him see that you are coping, but with him it will be easier for you. If the child agrees, praise him.

When you take away toys with your child, you can sing a funny song: We are removing toys, One, two, three. We place them in their places, Look. One is a toy, Two is a toy, Three is a toy.

Think of special places in the room for toys. Cars can stand in the garage, dolls can sleep in a house, books can lie in a clearing. Interestingly named children's places for toys will attract the child, and in the game he himself will learn to put the toys in their places.

Come up with a game, it can be butterflies or bees collecting honey (toys) or pollen (you can make wings for a child out of paper) to the house. You can explain to the child that the toys worked all day, and now it’s time for them to go home, and so that they don’t get lost to take them to the house (box), in general, show your imagination.

And always remember - we don't do the cleaning. We play!

For each type of toys and all sorts of necessary things, you can come up with your own box (your own house). The name of the houses depends on your imagination - “House for soft toys”, “House for cubes”, etc. It is important to decorate the house as brightly as possible, this can be done again with the help of a child, using cut-out pictures from magazines, or just color paper. Believe me, a child who has made a toy house with his own hands will use it for its intended purpose and, at the end of the day, send his “friends” there. Arrange the boxes neatly in the room on the floor or on shelves.

1. Magic box
Magic fairy tale characters - talking hares and bears, princesses and princes - should also live in a magic box. It should be bigger, brighter and more beautiful than others.

2. Lazy box
In this type of box, you can send those things that are not directly related to toys, but the child is interested in them - bolts, screws, old ladles and other utensils unnecessary for parents, but so necessary for the child.

3. Important box
In this box we put everything that is necessary for drawing, modeling, applications. In the same box, you can put something that cannot be stored in toys - scissors, a pillow with needles, glue, etc. Things - socks, T-shirts, panties, carefully hang on the back of a chair or send to sleep on a shelf in a closet.

In no case during the cleaning process, do not raise your voice to the child and, of course, you cannot scold him or punish him for something done wrong.
Teaching a child to clean up toys at an early age is very important, because later it will help the mother to teach the child to put things in order in the room, to be neat and attentive to their personal belongings.
The main thing is love and patience! HOW TO TEACH YOUR CHILD TO PUT TOYS OUT

We offer simple rules that will help you teach your child to clean up their toys:

First of all, the first time you remove toys yourself, do it with pleasure. The child should not see what a tedious and boring activity this is. Let him see that it brings you joy.

When you take away toys with your child, you can sing a funny song: We are removing toys, One, two, three. We place them in their places, Look. One is a toy, Two is a toy, Three is a toy.

And always remember - we don't do the cleaning. We play!

1. Magic box
Magic fairy tale characters - talking hares and bears, princesses and princes - should also live in a magic box. It should be bigger, brighter and more beautiful than others.

Raisa Balandina
Advice for parents "What to do if the child does not want to clean up after himself toys?"

Advice for parents:

"WHAT DO, IF CHILD

NOT WANTS TO CLEAN UP TOYS?»

Many parents do not want to put up with the situation when children, after playing with toys, refuse then clean them up. If you constantly put away toys after children's games themselves, your child will always expect this help from you.

Of course, each family has its own characteristics and habits. Of course, it is up to you to decide whether to teach child to neatness and order, and if you teach, how and from what age. But if you have decided to teach child clean up toys you will achieve success faster if You will follow a few simple rules.

First of all, please remove toys should sound good. Cleaning should not be a punishment, it is desirable that it becomes the final part of the game. If a the baby is still so small that he does not understand the meaning of what is happening, is not ready to fulfill your requirements, start with him clean up toys, be sure to say out loud what exactly you clean up where and why. If a such joint work is carried out systematically, every evening, in a friendly atmosphere, child will soon learn to do it on his own.

In addition, at child most likely won't develop a habit clean up toys, if you do not daily clean up your things: clothes, shoes, books, newspapers, jewelry. Then things scattered around the apartment will become familiar to him. After all, for child early age characteristic feature is imitation ...

In order to make it easier for the baby to clean up, you can use the markings on the boxes or on the racks. For example, on a box in which cars are stored, you can draw cars, on a bag of balls depict a ball, etc.

If a you have the necessary margin of time and patience for this, you can turn cleaning toys in an entertaining game. Can be offered change roles for the child. Let him be a mother, and you be a daughter or a son. Start cleaning toys following their new roles. To kid it will give pleasure, and you will receive information about how the baby perceives you and your requests (or orders).

Don't leave a cleaning event late night toys, if it provokes the emergence of negative emotions in you and in child. If a cleaning turns into goodbye toys, in putting them to bed and becoming a necessary ritual for the baby, then, of course, you should do this just before bedtime.

If you yourself think that cleanliness and order in the house are necessary, then firmly introduce the rule clean up toys. Let baby knows that you will read a book to him or draw with him only in a clean room. But child should know that this is the rule for all family members. If you give your child an ultimatum: remove toys - I will read to you, if you don’t remove it, I won’t, then the baby, most likely, will conclude that that mom's or dad's love and attention is needed daily "earn".

Below are some tips to help to kid deal with the data task:

1. Correctly formulate tasks. Do not limit yourself to simply demanding "Put it away." To kid difficult to navigate in a huge pile toys and he doesn't know where to start. Try to give more precise instructions: "First, put away the cars, and then get down to the books." By breaking the task into small steps, you will help child understand that cleaning is not an endless process, and he will be able to cope with it.

2. Explain why cleaning toys needed. For you, of course, the purpose of cleaning is obvious, but for your baby she only means that entertainment will have to be postponed for the sake of tedious affairs.

3. Organize the space conveniently for baby way. Place on baskets and boxes for toy pictures, which will help the baby remember which containers are for which toys.

4. Turn up the volume. Put on some music when child is cleaning. So cleaning will be more fun, and an energetic melody will create the child needs the mood.

5. Let cleaning become game. Set a kitchen timer for 10 minutes and offer child task"keep within this time." Or arrange a competition "Who is faster": "I collect clothes for the doll, and you - puzzles, the winner will be the one who finishes first!"

6. Don't redo yourself. When child finally cleaned the room, don't redo what you think not done perfectly. Is the bed uneven? No need to fix the cover. Is the furniture in the dollhouse incorrectly arranged? Pay no attention to it. When work done, just leave it as is. A four-year-old is not able to clean as well as an adult.

7. Reward for doing well work done. Post a cleaning schedule in the kitchen or another prominent place in the house. When your preschooler completes the task, let him mark the corresponding box in the graph with a colored sticker.

What you never need do?

If you really want to understand how to teach clean up child's toys, then you will have to adhere to certain rules and never allow the following mistakes:

Shouldn't be forced child to clean up toys forcibly

No need to yell at child

No need to make promises, be sure to encourage for it child. Otherwise, the baby will quickly understand this and will wait: "And what I get for this?". Then, instead of the positive skill of accuracy, you will unwittingly instill in him the skill of extortion.

Should never clean toys for parents.

Be patient, never expect a quick result, but have fun and provocatively in a playful way every day with child comprehend this science and, you will surely grow up neat and obedient children, and love, respect and desire to always please each other will reign in your house.

Related publications:

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Advice "If the child can not fend for himself" We all understand that aggression breeds aggression. Therefore, adults should help the child find constructive ways of interaction, ways.

Parent Advice "If Your Child Isn't Reading Yet" (continued) TWO VOVONS ARE EASY to pronounce. See how the baby does it. He's probably lost and we're calling mom. It looks like he calls her like this: A-O.

Educational program for parents. If your child is not yet reading (fairy digression) About three magic castles. (fabulous digression) Sad sounds lived in a magical land. Why sad? They were so offended.

How many families, so many opinions. Some families categorically believe that the child should clean up the scattered things and toys, and it cannot be otherwise. There are families that allow their child to play wherever they want, with whatever they want and not clean up the playing field. And there are families that are undecided. And over and over again they change their tactics of behavior.

How many families, so many opinions. And only you can decide how you want to raise your baby.

If you decide to bring up accuracy and a sense of order in the baby, then you should decide from what age stage you are going to do this, and how the upbringing will take place.

If the parents nevertheless made such a decision, then for its successful implementation, I have selected elementary recommendations for you.

The request should be expressed in a friendly tone. This is not an order or a punishment. Cleaning up can be a great finishing touch to the game.

If your baby is still too young to understand what is happening and cannot clean by himself, do the cleaning together with the child.

It is important to say out loud what things and where you put them, what box you put the constructor in, and why you are doing these actions.

This stage is long and laborious. But if every time you carry out such a "procedure" of cleaning, respecting goodwill, the baby will soon understand everything and will clean up without your full help.

Remember the baby grows by your example. Your baby can't get into the habit of putting things away if you don't take care of yourself and your things.

Leave clothes, books, dishes without cleaning. And soon the baby will understand that this is how it should be, you should not clean up after yourself if mom and dad do not do this.

Let's help the baby clean up, for this we will make markings on the boxes in which the toys are stored.

For example, on the box in which the dolls are stored, stick a picture with a beautiful princess. On a package with Lego or a designer, we will depict what your child most often makes from this toy.

Follow your toddler's directions. The baby will enjoy this immensely! And during the game you will find out how the baby treats your requests!

You should not leave cleaning for the evening, especially if it causes negative feelings for both the baby and you.

But there is one "but".

If cleaning symbolizes the baby's going to bed of his favorite toys, and is for the child a ritual of his own falling asleep, then, naturally, you clean up before falling asleep.

If the rule of cleaning is hard for you, then your child should know about it. Tell your child that you will tell him a story or sculpt with him only in a clean and tidy room.

Also, the child must understand that this is a rule for the whole family. Otherwise, you seem to be deceiving him. You ask him for one thing, but you yourself do not fulfill it.

Also refuse the ultimatum "If you do not remove the toys, then I will not tell you a fairy tale." The kid understands such a statement in such a way that every day he should earn the affection of his parents.

Summary.

What to do if the child does not clean up after himself toys?

Decide with yourself if you need it.
You are a model. The kid will not want to do the cleaning if he sees that adults do not do it.
Make cleaning a game together.
When you put children's toys in order, explain to the child why you are doing this, where you put the toys, etc.
Cleaning is not an order or a punishment. This is your kind request.
Label boxes and drawers according to their purpose and contents.
Try to demand from the baby according to age and according to his strength.
The most enjoyable activity is the game. Let cleaning be a fun game!
If needed, cleaning can be a bedtime ritual.

Happy growing up!

Independence manifests itself in different ways: in the ability to make independent decisions (from to developing sports and artistic activities), to behave according to the situation (with children and adults, with acquaintances and strangers), to take care of oneself and one's property. Including - clean up after yourself toys before going to bed. To teach this to a baby, especially to make him do it, is an extremely difficult job. Still, it's worth a try!

Top 3: how to teach a child to clean up toys

. As in all personal manifestations (relationships with loved ones, and self-development, hobbies, hobbies and daily habits), cleaning things after yourself child depends on parents. If, after preparing dinner, mom immediately washes the dishes and puts away the leftover food in place, at the end of the meal she washes the dishes without being distracted by TV shows and, and dad, returning from fishing, instantly lays out fishing rods and tackle, and hangs clothes in the closet, and not throws on the floor and sofas, then the question: “how to make a child put away toys” simply does not arise. From the first months, the baby sees how parents behave in everyday life and learns the norms of their behavior(and not "correct" theories - words spoken during "soul-saving" conversations). Clean up after yourself, help your child clean up in the nursery - and the problem will be solved!
« Bribe". We do not mean all kinds of blackmail - from emotional to material (“You won’t go to the cinema”, “You won’t get pocket money”, “We won’t buy a new one” ...)! In the educational aspect, we can talk about certain promises that are important for the child and related to interpersonal relationships with mom and dad (the latter is especially important in connection with the total for the younger generation). For example, in the evening, shortly before bedtime, you can ask the baby to clean up the nursery, after offering his favorite book, tell a fairy tale, watch a filmstrip together. But to threaten with hardships (the same or sweet after dinner) - it's not worth it - it's unpedagogical and humanly cruel;
"competition" or "game". If the crumb hasn't reached yet, it is easy to get involved in any active activity regardless of its usefulness. The main thing is to have fun! How to teach a child to put away toys? Organize the Olympic Games: who will quickly collect all the cars in a box, who will fold the pyramid quickly and without errors, who will put the books on the shelf without crushing or tearing, etc. Kids instantly join the “competitions” proposed by their parents, there is not even a need to promise them a reward and prizes. The sincere participation of the mother, the absence of a displeased look from the father, distracted from "mega-important" matters - the best reward for the child! For which you can not only clean up in the nursery, but also do the lessons with pleasure and not speak bad words and generally be a good boy!