Benjamin child and care for him. Parenting

Benjamin Spock is a famous pediatrician who wrote the wonderful book The Child and its Care in 1946. As a result, it became a bestseller. Few people know about Benjamin Spock himself, his biography and personal life. From this article you will learn all the details about the famous doctor.

Benjamin Spock: biography (briefly)

In New Haven, the family of the famous lawyer Ives Spock had six children. The eldest of them was born on May 2, 1903. It was Benjamin Spock, who had to help Mildred's mother Louise take care of her younger brothers and sisters. Therefore, he was used to raising children and taking care of them from an early age.

After graduating from high school, Spock entered an in-depth study of English language and literature. He liked to read a lot and was regularly engaged in self-education. Plus, he had excellent physical data, and he began to get involved in sports. Benjamin even in 1924 competed at the Olympic Games in rowing in France and won a gold medal. As a result, he became an Olympic champion and more than once pleased his family with his achievements.

Although Spock was well versed in languages ​​and literature, he dreamed of becoming a doctor. He succeeded. At Yale, he went to medical school and in 1929 became an aspiring physician. No one suspected that in the future he would be a famous not only doctor, but also a writer. That was Benjamin Spock. His biography is long, but we will touch on the most important moments from his life.

Childhood

Benjamin Spock's mother carefully watched the children and brought them up exactly as the family doctor advised. She did not give her babies sweets until at least 5 years old. It was believed that not only the teeth were spoiled, but also the internal organs of the child.

In the Spock family, all the children slept outside, under a canopy, regardless of the weather. The doctor said that from this the children become more resilient, stronger, have excellent health. Mildred Louise wouldn't let her play with the neighborhood kids. She asked for help around the house.

Benjamin Spock recalled his childhood with a certain regret. After all, instead of having fun with peers, riding slides and running around the streets, he had to change diapers, prepare bottles for his younger brothers and sisters, boil pacifiers, etc.

All six children were not afraid of their father, they always told him the truth and consulted in everything. But they were very afraid of my mother and constantly lied, because she punished them for the slightest offense. After such an upbringing, Benjamin became afraid not only of his parents, but also of teachers, policemen and even animals. As the future doctor recalls, he was brought up as a moralist and a snob. All his life he struggled with his character.

Spock spoke of his mother with fear and warmth at the same time. He said that his parent always knew what was best for her children, and she did not allow anyone to argue with her. When Benjamin was in school, his mother passed him to a boarding school. She liked that there the children slept in the fresh air in any weather.

Personal life

While Spock was in medical school, a very important event happened in his life. The future doctor brought home the bride. At first, the parents accepted the girl well. However, when Benjamin and his fiancée closed in the room, my mother tried to fake a heart attack. But the guy and the girl were very lucky that there was a father at home who protected them from the hysteria of the parent. Moreover, dad gave the student family $1,000 a year. Benjamin Spock's personal life was much more successful when he got married. After all, he could no longer obey his parents, but be an independent person.

Mildred Louise was very offended by her son that he decided to marry without her advice. So she decided to find out what family her daughter-in-law came from. It turned out that the father died of syphilis. However, the son, even after such a statement, did not take the side of his mother.

The moment came when Benjamin and his wife found out they were expecting a baby. However, the newborn died, and the mother could not remain silent, she expressed her opinion. She said that their sexual relationship leads to serious consequences because of Benjamin's father-in-law, who was infected with syphilis.

After such a statement, Benjamin and his wife stopped communicating with their mother and left for New York, where the first practice in pediatrics began.

Benjamin and his family

In fact, the young man had a psychological trauma since childhood. That is why in adulthood he was more demanding and cruel to his children. He had two sons, whom he loved madly, but could not show his tenderness. Benjamin Spock was a very strict father. His sons often avoided his company.

Once Spock admitted to reporters that he never kissed his children. He was sure that his mother's genes played an important role. The young man could not overcome himself, which is why his sons suffered greatly.

For a long time the family lived calmly and measuredly. However, there came a time when Spock became a very famous doctor. As a result, his wife became jealous of his fame and success, gradually began to drink too much. And in 1976, the family finally broke up. The doctor was then 73 years old, but he decided to marry again.

Less than a year after the divorce, Spock was ringed again. What is most interesting, his wife was 40 years younger, but she loved the old man. Although some claimed that she was drawn more to fame than to her husband. As it turns out, the fate of Benjamin Spock was not easy. After all, he had to struggle all his life with his complex and tough character.

Benjamin and sons

The children were very offended by their father, so they did not want to communicate with him, and he did not seek to become close to them. That is why everyone was on their own. The youngest son was named John, he became a famous architect. The elder Michael found his calling in medicine, and it turned out that he followed in his father's footsteps - he became a doctor.

Spock knew nothing of the fate of his sons. He did not even marry them, as custom required. After all, not a single son could ever forgive his father for his cruel attitude towards himself. However, it so happened that Spock began to communicate with the son of Michael, whose name was Peter. In it, he found an outlet and gave his unspent love only to his grandson.

In 1983, on Christmas Day (December 25), Peter committed suicide. He jumped off the roof of the museum. For a long time they could not find the reason for Peter's act. As a result, it turned out that the 22-year-old boy had advanced chronic depression, which he could not cope with. After this incident, Benjamin had a heart attack, which ended first with a heart attack, and then with a stroke. That's when son Michael tried to make peace with his father, but he accused him of his grandson's depression.

Why Spock became a pediatrician

In fact, initially Benjamin dreamed of the sea and wanted to become a doctor on the ship. However, even in his youth, the future doctor read a lot about the psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, who had a significant impact on his medical practice. It was then that Spock realized that many childhood illnesses do not come on their own. Much depends on upbringing and lifestyle. Then he decided to become a pediatrician.

When the young doctor Benjamin Spock began to accept children, he meticulously asked parents how they raise babies. In the end, he made his own conclusion. It turns out that it is necessary to educate parents first, not children. When mom and dad learn the right behavior, then they will be able to communicate with the kids.

What Spock taught his parents

The novice pediatrician claimed that the child is a person. You can't insult him, especially in public. The doctor taught parents the basics of upbringing, asked them not to force the child to help around the house. After all, I experienced this nightmare.

At that time, many parents believed that children should be prepared from an early age for a difficult adult life. Spock urged them not to take their childhood away from their little ones and chase after the army schedule. After all, many feed strictly on schedule, all sorts of whims are suppressed with the help of punishment. This cannot be done, since the baby closes in on himself from early childhood, his psyche is disturbed.

Apparently, because Spock tried to educate his parents, he had fewer and fewer patients. Although journalists wrote about him all the time. As a result, the young doctor decided to write his first small book about the psychological aspects of pediatrics.

Education system

Since the doctor was deprived of maternal love, and he himself suffered that he could not give tenderness to his sons, he wrote a wonderful book called "The Child and Care for Him." Benjamin Spock's upbringing system is built on parental love, and more on maternal love.

The doctor argued that the behavior of the baby is completely dependent on adults. If he was born, he is constantly punished for the slightest offense, the child in the future becomes a psychologically unhealthy person. From here come depression, suicide and much more.

The pediatrician urges parents to love their children and forgive them everything. After all, no problem is worth children's tears. The stick and the carrot is the ideal parenting system. Be sure to pay as much attention to your little ones as possible, and in the future they will repay you in the same way.

Benjamin Spock: books

The doctor's first edition was called Psychological Aspects of Pediatric Practice. Here he told his parents about the psychoanalyst Freud, arguing that parents should know about his teachings in order to properly educate and raise their kids.

Spock also published a book, A Conversation with Mother. In it, he teaches parents to properly communicate with the child, monitor health, temper. In the same book, the basics of caring for babies are written.

The book "The Child and His Education" talks about After all, many parents still treat their crumbs incorrectly. That is why it will be useful for both mom and dad to read it.

In each book, the doctor focuses on the careful upbringing and care of babies. Do not forget that he went through such a school from childhood and can teach children to understand from an early age.

Another great book written by Benjamin Spock is The Child and Care. It was released in two parts and became a bestseller. This book is still used all over the world today. It contains many entertaining sayings and wise advice that Dr. Benjamin Spock offered. “Child and Care for Him” is a book that teaches parents how to properly not only raise babies, but also feed them, temper them, entertain them, communicate, etc.

The first edition was published in 1946. It began with the lines that no one knows a child better than his parents. The doctor urged to trust only himself and his intuition, and not run around the doctors.

No. 1. Falling asleep "according to Spock"

The famous radical way to deal with a child who does not want to fall asleep.
“The treatment is very simple: put the child to bed at the appointed time, bid him good night in a gentle voice, leave the room and do not return. Most children scream angrily for 20-30 minutes on the first night, and then, seeing that nothing is happening, they suddenly fall asleep. The next day they will only cry for 10 minutes, and by the third day they usually don't cry at all."
Modern psychologist, specialist in parent-child relations Lyudmila Petranovskaya in the book “Secret support. Attachment in the life of a child” criticizes the idea of ​​leaving children alone. She recalls that in many traditional cultures, babies spend the entire first year of life cuddled up to their mother. According to Petranovskaya, if the fears about “being spoiled, getting used to” would be true, then children almost up to adulthood would insist on being carried in their arms: “However, observations say exactly the opposite: these babies are much more independent and independent by two years than their urban counterparts.”

No. 2. Refusal of night feeding

It is also doubtful that Spock's recommendation to refuse night feeding if the child weighs at least 4.5 kg.
“If the baby is already a month old and weighs about 4.5 kg, but still wakes up for night feeding, I think it would be wiser not to rush to him with milk. ... Generally speaking, a child weighing about 4.5 kg and feeding normally during the day does not require night feeding.
Today, doctors are convinced that you should not stop night feeding so early: they stimulate the production of the hormone prolactin, which is responsible for the formation of breast milk. It is important to keep night feedings while the baby needs them. The World Health Organization also recommends feeding on demand - that is, as often as the child wants, day and night.

Number 3. Ignoring crying

If the child is naughty or crying, "according to Spock", do not react to this: "Some children vomit easily when they are excited. This frightens the mother, she looks at the child with an anxious look, hurries to clean up after him, tries to be more attentive to him and next time immediately runs to him as soon as he screams ... If the mother decided to teach him to fall asleep without screaming and motion sickness, then she should not deviate from the plan and not enter the child. ”However, the results of a recent study conducted by American scientists indicate that a mother can boldly follow her maternal instinct without fear of anything. The more "hugs" and "handles", the more tactile contact, the more mother's attention and care, the more successful, self-confident, kind, sensitive, mentally and physically healthy person your child will become when he grows up. The researchers came to these conclusions by analyzing data on the childhood and adult life of more than 600 people.

No. 4. Sleep on your stomach

“It is advisable to teach a child to sleep on his stomach from birth, if he does not mind. Subsequently, when he learns to roll over, he will be able to change the position himself if he wants.
In the 21st century, pediatricians say that a child should sleep exclusively on his back and on a hard mattress. Sleeping a baby on his stomach is dangerous: it is a risk factor for sudden infant death syndrome.
No. 5. Orange Juice as a First Food "Doctors usually recommend introducing orange juice into a baby's diet at a few months of age," says the book Baby and Care. “You can squeeze juice from oranges yourself or use canned juice ... Usually, until 5-6 months, children drink juice from a nipple, and then from a cup.”
In 2017, the American Academy of Pediatrics released a new recommendation for fruit juice intake by children, which states that juices should not be included in the diet of babies under the age of one. According to the authors of the recommendations, the juice does not represent any special nutritional value for young children, while it contains a lot of sugar and completely lacks fiber. It is better to give babies under the age of one year real fruits in baked or mashed form. In this case, the child will receive all the necessary vitamins and minerals, as well as fiber, but will not get used to sweets.

No. 6. Meat supplements from 2 months

“Research has shown that meat is very beneficial for children even in their first year of life,” writes Dr. Spock. - Many doctors now recommend giving meat from 2-6 months. Meat for a small child is either turned in a meat grinder several times, or rubbed through a sieve, or rubbed on a grater. Therefore, it is easy for a child to eat it, even while he has no teeth.

No. 7. Too big vests

Two months is certainly too early to start complementary foods - especially with meat. Pediatrician Yevgeny Komarovsky recommends starting meat complementary foods no earlier than 8-9 months.
About clothes for a newborn in Benjamin Spock's bestseller, you can read the following: “Nightgowns. You will need 3 to 6 shirts. Buy immediately the size for the age of 1 year. Undershirts. You will need 3-6 vests in size for 1 year.
A newborn, of course, grows very quickly, but clothes that are not the right size will bring both the child and the mother a real inconvenience.
“Remember that you know your child well, but I do not know him at all” Many of the advice from the book “The Child and Care for Him” is naive and even dangerous for modern realities. However, Spock was the first pediatrician to go against the conventional wisdom that raising a child should, above all, develop discipline. His ideas for their time became revolutionary and influenced many generations of parents, making them more tender and sensitive to their children.
In the preface to his famous book, Benjamin Spock emphasizes that one should not take everything that is written in the book too literally.
“There are no similar children, just as there are no similar parents. Diseases in children proceed differently; The problems of upbringing also take on different forms in different families. All I could do was describe only the most general cases. Remember that you know your child well, and I do not know him at all.
Benjamin Spock, The Child and Care

Benjamin Spock
Child and care

Spock Benjamin
Child and care

Benjamin Spock
Child and care
Content
FROM THE AUTHOR
CLOTHES AND OTHER REQUIRED THINGS
FEEDING THE NEWBORN
BREAST-FEEDING
FORTUNE FEEDING
VITAMINS AND WATER
CHANGES IN DIET AND REGIMEN
TRANSITION FROM PATCH TO CUP
DAILY CHILD CARE
DIFFICULTIES OF THE FIRST YEAR OF LIFE
OTHER CONCERN
DEVELOPMENT OF YOUR CHILD
POTTY TRAINING
ONE-YEAR-OLD BABY
NUTRIENTS
FOOD PRODUCTS
HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUNG CHILDREN
2-YEAR-OLD CHILD
FROM SIX TO ELEVEN
SCHOOL
Puberty
NUTRITION AND DEVELOPMENT ISSUES
DISEASES
FIRST AID
SPECIAL PROBLEMS
From the author
About parents
Dear Parents!
Most of you have the opportunity, if necessary, to see a doctor. The doctor knows your child and only he can give you the best advice. Sometimes he only needs a look and one or two questions to understand what is happening with your child.
This book is not intended to teach you how to diagnose or treat yourself. The author wants to give you only a general idea of ​​the child and his needs. True, for those parents who, due to exceptional circumstances, find it difficult to get to the doctor, some sections give advice on first aid. Better the advice of a book than no advice! But one cannot rely only on a book if one can get real medical help.
I also want to stress that everything in this book should not be taken too literally. There are no similar children, just as there are no similar parents. Diseases in children proceed differently; The problems of upbringing also take on different forms in different families. All I could do was describe only the most general cases. Remember that you know your child well, and I do not know him at all.
*trust yourself*
1. You know a lot more than you think.
Your baby will be born soon. Maybe he was already born. You are happy and full of enthusiasm. But if you don't have enough experience, you may be afraid that you won't be able to handle childcare. You have heard a lot of talk about raising children, you have read special literature on this topic, you have talked with doctors. The problem of caring for a child may seem too complicated for you. You find out how the child needs vitamins and vaccinations. One friend tells you that you need to start giving eggs as before, because they contain iron, and another that you have to wait with eggs, because they cause diathesis. You are told that a child can be spoiled if you take him in your arms often, and that, on the contrary, you need to caress him a lot. Some say that fairy tales excite the child, while others say that fairy tales have a beneficial effect on children.
Don't take too literally everything your friends tell you. Don't be afraid to trust your own common sense. Raising a child will not be difficult if you do not complicate it yourself. Trust your intuition and follow the advice of your pediatrician. The main thing that a child needs is your love and care. And it is much more valuable than theoretical knowledge. Whenever you pick up a baby, even if you do it awkwardly at first, every time you change his diaper, bathe him, feed him, talk to him, smile at him, the child feels that he belongs to you and you to him. . No one in the world but you can give him that feeling. You might find it surprising that when studying child rearing methods, scientists have come to the conclusion that good, loving parents intuitively choose the most correct decisions. Moreover, self-confidence is the key to success. Be natural and don't be afraid to make mistakes.
*Parents are people too*
2. Parents have their own needs.
Books about child care, like this book, talk primarily about the many needs of a child. Therefore, inexperienced parents sometimes fall into despair, having read about the huge work that they have to do. It seems to them that the author stands on the side of the children and blames the parents if something goes wrong. But it would only be fair to dedicate as many pages to the needs of the parents, the failures they constantly face, their weariness, the insensitivity on the part of the children, which hurts the parents so painfully. Raising a child is long and hard work, and parents have human needs just like their children. 3. Children are "easy" and "difficult".
It is known that children are born with different temperaments, and this does not depend on your desires. You have to accept the child for who he is. But parents also have their own established characters, which are no longer easy to change. Some parents prefer quiet, obedient children and will have a hard time with an energetic and noisy child. Others easily cope with a restless boy and a fighter and will be disappointed if their child grows up "quiet". Parents try to adapt to their child and do everything in their power for him. 4. At best, hard work and the rejection of many pleasures await you.
There is a lot of work to take care of a child. You need to prepare food for him, wash diapers and clothes, constantly clean up after him, separate fighters and console the beaten, listen to endless obscure stories, participate in children's games and read books to children that are not at all interesting to you, take tedious walks around the zoo, take children to school. and to children's matinees, help them prepare lessons, go to parent-teacher meetings in the evenings when you are very tired.
You will spend a large part of the family budget on children, because of children you will not be able to go to the theater, cinema, lectures, visits and evenings often. You, of course, would not change places with childless parents for anything in the world, but still you lack your former freedom. Of course, people become parents not because they want to be martyrs, but because they love children and see them as flesh of their own flesh. They also love children because their parents also loved them as children. Taking care of children and watching their development give many parents, despite hard work, the greatest satisfaction in life, especially if the child turns out to be a wonderful person as a result. Children are our creations, the guarantee of our immortality. All other achievements in our life cannot be compared with the happiness of seeing how worthy people grow out of our children. 5. Don't need too many sacrifices.
Some young parents feel that they should completely give up their freedom and all pleasures simply on principle and not on practical grounds. Even sneaking out of the house when given the opportunity to get some pleasure, they feel too guilty. Such feelings, but to a lesser extent, are natural for all parents in the first weeks after the birth of a child: everything is so new and you can't think of anything else. But too much self-sacrifice will not benefit you or the child. If parents are completely occupied only with their child, constantly worrying only about him, they become uninteresting for others and even for each other. They complain that they are confined within four walls because of the child, although they themselves are to blame for this. They involuntarily feel some dislike for their child, although he did not demand so many sacrifices. As a result, such parents expect too much from the child in gratitude for their labors. We must try not to go to extremes. You must honestly fulfill your parental duties, but also not deprive yourself of such pleasures as will not harm your child. Then you will be able to love your child more and show your love for him with greater pleasure. 6. Parents have the right to expect gratitude from their children.
Since, with the advent of children, parents really have to give up a lot, they naturally have the right to expect gratitude from their children. But not verbal expressions of gratitude for the fact that they were born and raised - this would be too little. Parents expect from their children responsiveness, love and desire to inherit their life principles and ideals. They want to see these qualities in their children not for selfish reasons, but because they dream that children grow up as equal and happy members of society.
It happens that parents cannot decisively stop the bad behavior of the child, as they are compliant by nature or are afraid of losing his love. Deep down, such parents condemn the child and get angry with him, but do not know how to do it right. The child understands that they are annoyed and this worries him, frightens him, makes him feel guilty, but at the same time makes him even more demanding and angry. For example, if a child likes to go to bed late in the evening, and the mother is afraid to deprive him of this pleasure, he can tyrannize his poor mother for several months, refusing to go to bed until late at night. The mother will definitely feel a sense of hidden rage towards the child for his bullying. If the mother resolutely does not allow this to the child, she herself will be amazed at how quickly he will turn from a tyrant into an obedient angel and become much more pleasant for others.
In other words, parents cannot truly love their children if they cannot make them behave properly, and children themselves cannot be happy if they do not behave properly. 7. Parents should get angry sometimes.
Some young idealistic parents think that if they want to be good parents, their patience and love for their innocent baby must be limitless. But it's just not possible. If a child is screaming for hours despite your best efforts to calm him down, you cannot sympathize endlessly with him. You begin to see him as a stubborn, ungrateful creature, and you can't help but get really angry. Or the older child did something that (he knows very well!) should not have done. Maybe he really wanted to break something or play with the children in another yard, or maybe he was angry with you because you refused him something, or he is jealous of his younger brother because that it gets more attention. And now he just does something to spite you. When a child breaks one of the basic rules you set, you are unlikely to be able to remain absolutely calm. All good parents should teach their children what is good and what is bad. You were also taught this as a child. The child broke a rule you set or broke something you owned. Your child, whose character you are far from indifferent to, did wrong, and you are hopelessly indignant. The child naturally expects this and will not be offended if your anger is justified.
It happens that you do not immediately realize that you are losing patience. Suppose your child behaves badly in the morning: either he says that he does not like breakfast, or he allegedly accidentally knocks over a glass of milk, then plays with a thing that you forbid him to touch and breaks it, sticks to his younger brother . You try to ignore his behavior, which costs you superhuman effort. Then, when the drop overflows the cup, you explode and are shocked by your own rage. Perhaps a little later, having already cooled down, you will understand that the child should have been firmly stopped or punished at the very beginning. He asked for it himself. You, with your good intentions, by all means to keep patience, only incited him to more and more provocations.
We all sometimes get angry with our children when we have troubles and failures, as in one comedy, where a father comes home upset and starts to find fault with his wife, she in turn scolds her son for something that usually does not cause her displeasure, and the son takes it out on his younger sister. 8. It's better to be honest about being angry.
So far, we have talked about the fact that from time to time parents inevitably lose their patience. But it is important to discuss a related question: can parents safely admit this and give vent to their anger?
Parents who are not too strict with themselves do not hesitate to admit that they are annoyed. I heard a very good mother, an open and honest person, half jokingly say to her friend: "I simply cannot stay under the same roof with this little devil for a minute! I would love to spank him properly!" She had no intention of carrying out her threats, but she was not ashamed to admit such thoughts to others and to herself. It became easier for her when she openly expressed her thoughts. Next time, she will try to stop the child decisively when he begins to misbehave.
Parents who strive to be perfect seem to be reluctant to think that human patience is not unlimited, and believe that they should not allow themselves to become angry. If they do get angry, they feel deeply guilty or desperately try to reassure themselves that they are not angry at all. You try to suppress your irritation, and this leads to the fact that it results in internal tension, fatigue or headache. It happens that a mother who cannot admit that at times she feels dislike for her child begins to imagine that danger awaits him everywhere. She unnecessarily protects him from infections, from traffic, constantly fussing over him, not realizing that this can interfere with the development of independence in him.
I discuss the problems that arise when parents are afraid to vent their irritation, not only to ease the conscience of the parents. The fact is that everything that upsets parents upsets their children. When parents feel that antagonistic feelings towards children are too terrible to admit openly, children also hide their antagonism towards parents. Children develop fear of imaginary dangers. They are afraid of insects, or they refuse to go to school, or they are afraid to let their parents go. These fears are only an outward expression of antagonism towards parents, which children do not dare to admit.
In other words, the child will be happier with those parents who are not afraid to give vent to their anger, because then it will be easier for the child to give vent to his feelings. If you are rightly indignant and express everything you think, both you and the child will feel better and everything will return to its original place. I do not mean to say that you will always be right in your antagonism to the child. Often we meet rude parents who do not hesitate to scold the child all day long and even beat him for no serious reason. I spoke about the feelings of too conscientious parents who love their child.
If your child is dear to you, but, nevertheless, he constantly irritates you (whether you express it openly or not), then your nervous system is overstressed and you need to see a psychiatrist. In addition, your irritability may be caused by some external factor, and not by the behavior of the child himself.
1

Dear Parents! Most of you have the opportunity, if necessary, to see a doctor. The doctor knows your child and only he can give you the best advice. Sometimes he only needs a look and one or two questions to understand what is happening with your child.

This book is not intended to teach you how to diagnose or treat yourself. The author wants to give you only a general idea of ​​the child and his needs. True, for those parents who, due to exceptional circumstances, find it difficult to get to a doctor, some sections give advice on first aid. Better the advice of a book than no advice! But one cannot rely only on a book if one can get real medical help.

I also want to stress that everything in this book should not be taken too literally. There are no similar children, just as there are no similar parents. Diseases in children proceed differently; The problems of upbringing also take on different forms in different families. All I could do was describe only the most general cases. Remember that you know your child well, and I do not know him at all.

About parents

trust yourself

1. You know a lot more than you think.

Your baby will be born soon. Maybe he was already born. You are happy and full of enthusiasm. But if you don't have enough experience, you may be afraid that you won't be able to handle childcare. You have heard a lot of talk about raising children, you have read special literature on this topic, you have talked with doctors. The problem of caring for a child may seem too complicated for you. You find out how the child needs vitamins and vaccinations. One friend tells you that you need to start giving eggs as before, because they contain iron, and another that you have to wait with eggs, because they cause diathesis. You are told that a child can be spoiled if you take him in your arms often, and that, on the contrary, you need to caress him a lot. Some say that fairy tales excite the child, while others say that fairy tales have a beneficial effect on children.

Don't take too literally everything your friends tell you. Don't be afraid to trust your own common sense. Raising a child will not be difficult if you do not complicate it yourself. Trust your intuition and follow the advice of your pediatrician. The main thing that a child needs is your love and care. And it is much more valuable than theoretical knowledge. Whenever you pick up a baby, even if you do it awkwardly at first, every time you change his diaper, bathe him, feed him, talk to him, smile at him, the child feels that he belongs to you and you to him. . No one in the world but you can give him that feeling. You might find it surprising that when studying child rearing methods, scientists have come to the conclusion that good, loving parents intuitively choose the most correct decisions. Moreover, self-confidence is the key to success. Be natural and don't be afraid to make mistakes.

Parents are people too

2. Parents have their own needs.

Books about child care, like this book, talk primarily about the many needs of a child. Therefore, inexperienced parents sometimes fall into despair, having read about the huge work that they have to do. It seems to them that the author stands on the side of the children and blames the parents if something goes wrong. But it would only be fair to dedicate as many pages to the needs of the parents, the failures they constantly face, their weariness, the insensitivity on the part of the children, which hurts the parents so painfully. Raising a child is long and hard work, and parents have human needs just like their children.

3. Children are "easy" and "difficult".

It is known that children are born with different temperaments and it does not depend on your desires. You have to accept the child for who he is. But parents also have their own established characters, which are no longer easy to change. Some parents prefer quiet, obedient children and will have a hard time with an energetic and noisy child. Others easily cope with a restless boy and a fighter and will be disappointed if their child grows up "quiet". Parents try to adapt to their child and do everything in their power for him.

4. At best, hard work and the rejection of many pleasures await you.

There is a lot of work in caring for a child: you need to cook food for him, wash diapers and clothes, constantly clean up after him, separate fighters and console the beaten ones, listen to endless obscure stories, participate in children's games and read books to children that are completely uninteresting to you, do tedious walks around the zoo, take children to school and to children's morning parties, help them prepare lessons, go to parent-teacher meetings in the evenings when you are very tired.

You will spend a large part of the family budget on children, because of children you will not be able to go to the theater, cinema, lectures, visits and evenings often. You, of course, would not change places with childless parents for anything in the world, but still you lack your former freedom. Of course, people become parents not because they want to be martyrs, but because they love children and see them as flesh of their own flesh. They also love children because their parents also loved them as children. Taking care of children and watching their development give many parents, despite hard work, the greatest satisfaction in life, especially if the child turns out to be a wonderful person as a result. Children are our creations, the guarantee of our immortality. All other achievements in our life cannot be compared with the happiness of seeing how worthy people grow out of our children.

5. Don't need too many sacrifices.

Some young parents feel that they should completely give up their freedom and all pleasures simply on principle and not on practical grounds. Even sneaking out of the house when the opportunity presents itself to get some pleasure, they feel too guilty. Such feelings, but to a lesser extent, are natural for all parents in the first weeks after the birth of a child: everything is so new and you can't think of anything else. But too much self-sacrifice will not benefit you or the child. If parents are completely occupied only with their child, constantly worrying only about him, they become uninteresting for others and even for each other. They complain that they are confined within four walls because of the child, although they themselves are to blame for this. They involuntarily feel some dislike for their child, although he did not demand so many sacrifices. As a result, such parents expect too much from the child in gratitude for their labors. We must try not to go to extremes. You must honestly fulfill your parental duties, but also not deprive yourself of such pleasures as will not harm your child. Then you will be able to love your child more and show your love for him with greater pleasure.