Psychology of the relationship between father and son. Father-son relationship
A trusting, warm relationship between father and son is a guarantee that the boy will feel protected. He can easily ask those questions that dad can best answer.
Almost every man dreams of a son. And he has huge plans for how the heir will grow and develop. The child has not yet been born, but the future father is already looking forward to how he happily scores decisive goals against the enemy, wins in all types of martial arts, is unattainable at tournaments in checkers, chess, etc. The type of areas in which the future heir to the family name will certainly succeed depends on what the father dreams about.
And now the long-awaited son is growing up, but for some reason he is not going to fulfill his father’s expectations. On the contrary, he builds his own life line. And it’s good if he is active, active, sociable, purposeful. Then the father can somehow adapt to the situation and adjust his plans for his son. After all, he is at least successful in something, he can still be proud of him!
What if the son is lazy, unhurried, doesn’t really think about his future, doesn’t want to gnaw on the granite of science, doesn’t want to go in for sports, music and other things that dad so dreamed about? It is clear that not all children can be excellent students, child prodigies, or at least hard workers who achieve with perseverance and diligence. Some people happen to be C students. And in everything they do: at school, in courses, in sports, and in music. Well, they don’t set great goals for themselves, despite the efforts of their parents. Just floating with the flow of the river called life. We need to study - they study, however, for fathers and mothers, because they have no choice in this matter. They force them to go to the sports section - they go and do something at a minimum so that moms and dads can get behind them. And so it is in everything.
And discord begins in the relationship between father and son. The first gradually becomes disillusioned with the heir and loses interest in him. The son also stops seeing his father as a friend.
How to prevent loved ones from becoming distant? What needs to be done so that father and son always respect and love each other?
It would be good for the father to immediately tell himself that his son is not him, but a completely different person with his own character and destiny. If, after all, the long-awaited son was born, then you should not take this as a new opportunity to realize yourself. An adult can participate in his life, but only as a non-intrusive older friend. You should not take on the role of an all-powerful puppeteer. The father has his own destiny for such games, and that’s where you need to be a wise politician.
Therefore, you need to try to become this very friend in order to always know and feel what is happening in the life of your beloved child. This process is long, requiring tact, love, patience and tolerance. But his father’s words will always be heard and weighty for him.
There is no need to specifically carve out special time for raising a child. It would be strange to see in a man’s diary an entry, for example, with the following content: “Tuesday. From 19 to 20 - raising my son." Firstly, this process occurs every minute, every second, without a lunch break, without days off. Even regardless of whether you set a goal to educate or not. And secondly, who does it the rest of the time?
From the moment a child is born, any action or inaction of parents is education. The beloved child perceives the behavior of the parents as a role model. If in a family everyone lives on their own, and not in a friendly group, the son will behave the same way. What kind of warm, trusting relationship can a father expect in this case? The child does not know how to establish such relationships. Outside the home, perhaps, he can, but with relatives he has no experience, and besides, it is not accepted.
They are very united by common causes and interests. This refers not only to family traditions, but also to the hobbies of father and son. For example, a habit together - in a purely male group - for example, going to hockey once a month or tinkering in the car, doing home improvements, dachas. On holidays, prepare to congratulate the female part of the family, not only by choosing a gift, but also by the entertainment part: think about how the holiday will go, where, perhaps, prepare competitions, surprises, etc.
So far there are no such common interests, and relations are slowly but steadily cooling? Urgently come up with them based on your son’s hobbies, and tactfully interest and involve your beloved offspring in the process.
Teach your son to make decisions on his own and take initiative.
Talk to your child more. Discuss problems, look for ways out of seemingly dead-end situations, rejoice in victories, even the smallest ones. Plan weekends, vacations, buying something, repairs, etc. together. Of course, everyone needs time to be alone, and such a desire, naturally, must be respected. But everything that happens in the family, in life, in the world must be discussed. At first, you may have to force yourself to look for topics for communication; the words will not always be chosen correctly and everything will happen creakingly and awkwardly. But, as they say, the beginning of trouble begins. Gradually, openness and the desire to hear the opinions of other family members will become a necessity and will unite father and son, and the whole family.
If for some reason the father is not an authority for his son, it is not easy for them to maintain a warm relationship. Therefore, a man must remember that his son is always looking at him, evaluating his actions, accepting them or condemning them. And act accordingly. To do this, you don’t need to be a superhero, a professor, or an Olympic champion. You just need to be human. Always.
Dads! Love your sons, even if they do not live up to your expectations. It’s not their fault that you invented their life for them a long time ago. Give them the opportunity to be the directors of their own future. Just always be there. As friends. Sons really need this - a reliable, strong shoulder of a friend (and not the tyranny of a dictator!).
The son is the heir of the father, the successor of the family, to whom the father passes on his life experience and knowledge. In this case we are talking about spiritual inheritance, not material. The father’s mission is to convey his life experience and worldview to his son, without limiting his freedom and consciousness.
Father and son, or rather, their relationship is based on the principles of communication between two men. The boy's rebellion may be caused by the fact that his dad does not want to see him as an equal man. The psychology of fatherhood is such that a father always sees in his child not a man, but a child who will always remain small for him.
The hierarchy of the relationship between father and son is always unconditional. The father gave life, and the son received it. To become a full co-heir and master of his life, the son must obey and carry out the will of his father, trust him and follow his examples.
Dad and son. Trust is the basis of the relationship between son and father.
A child develops trust in his father from a very young age. Dad and son are guided by trust in their relationships with each other.
If father and son communicate and are close to each other from the first years of the latter’s life, then an important psychological connection is gradually created between them. The father begins to understand the child better, and the child feels supported and protected. All this will appear in the future.
The psychology of a boy requires a trusting relationship with his father. From an early age, a child should be sure that dad is a person who will always understand and help him, and suggest “manly” ways to solve problems. Father and son can achieve this only through demonstrating their relationship to each other. Interest in your son's affairs, his hobbies, conversations on various topics - these are the simple techniques that psychology recommends for creating special warmth and mutual understanding in the relationship between father and son. The fruit of all efforts will be the emergence of the son's trust in his father.
In childhood, trust is simple-minded and is expressed in the fact that the baby has a need to tell his dad about the events that took place in his life today or yesterday. From the perspective of an adult, these events are not significant. However, the father should never ignore the child or show indifference. Without listening to his son’s story when he craves communication, the father will kill the child’s need for attention from dad. Perhaps the boy will find another listener or, what is much worse, withdraw into himself. A crack will appear in the relationship between the child and the father, which over time will lead to distance.
Sometimes there is a different situation when the baby does not show the need to communicate with his father. Perhaps father and son are too distant from each other. Sometimes this is explained by the characteristics of the child’s psyche. If a boy has a phlegmatic temperament, then he does not feel the need for a constant listener. Another option is possible: the boy, for unknown reasons, has the impression that the events that happen in his life are unimportant and that there is no urgent need to share what is happening with others. In this case, the boy should not be left alone with himself. It is necessary to carefully create an atmosphere that contributes to its disclosure. The conversation can begin not with a direct question, but with a monologue in which the father talks about some incident that has nothing to do with what you need to talk about with the child. This technique will help prepare the ground for further communication.
The father should remember that there is no revelation in hierarchy. Feeling the lack of hierarchy, the father tries in every way to overcome it. Thus, he contributes to the formation of false sincerity in the child. This should not be allowed.
Very often, a father and son in a family do not have very, let’s say, family relationships. This could be due to anything. We will not consider a situation where a father does not live with his family and suddenly decides that he needs to see his son, no, we will consider a standard situation where a father lives with his family, but has some difficulties communicating with his growing or already adult son .
Let's start with the fact that you should not impose your communication on your son if he does not want it himself. For the first time, on the contrary, you need to distance yourself a little from the child and observe his behavior, interests, ask your wife what is happening in your son’s life. Why so? - if a child doesn’t get along well with you, even if you want to help him, he won’t appreciate it, and everything you say will fly in one ear and out the other.
At this stage, you need to form some opinion about your son in order to understand what he likes and what he doesn’t.
Change your behavior pattern. Most often, this is exactly what men don’t want to do. Imagine, you spend your whole life teaching everyone something, trying to impose your point of view, and then you shouldn’t act like that? Difficult? - Undoubtedly, but this is exactly what is necessary to establish at least some kind of relationship with your son. Try to analyze what you thought you did wrong earlier in your upbringing - excessive care, too much moralizing, punishment, etc. and try to become a little softer. If you previously forbade your child to walk until late, now allow him to do so (within reasonable limits).
Also, you should not point out to your child that he is doing something wrong - this is stupid. Until your son understands that he is wrong, he will not listen to you, and with your constant comments you will only distance yourself from him. They said something once and that was enough.
If you have completed the previous point, then you can move on. Most likely, your son has already noticed that his father has changed and his attitude towards you will be softer, even if you don’t notice it. At the next stage, you need to start taking a little more interest in your son’s life, but do it not in a boring, parental manner, but as if you were his best friend. It will be much easier for you to talk to your son about girls if you discuss them as if you and your son were hanging out with them. And this way you can touch on any topic - sports, computer games, school, etc.
However, all this should be done in moderation. Excessive interest will also affect the son's relationship with his father. Try to achieve a result in which your son also wants to discuss something with you.
Respect your son's choice. You may not agree with what he chooses, but you must accept it, otherwise you will lose contact with your child.
Know how to support your son. Yes, he is not a girl, but sons also sometimes need your help and understanding as a father. After all, not everything can be discussed with your mother. If you see that something is bothering your child, don’t just stand there, come over and try to talk about it.
Support your son in his endeavors - this will immediately affect his attitude towards his father, since the son will see in his dad not a stranger, but someone close to him who will be on his side at any time, and this is very important in any relationship.
If something great has happened in your son's life, you should be one of the first to congratulate him and rejoice at his successes, even if they seem insignificant. Your attention in such a situation will be very important for your son. Sometimes fathers often forget about the successes of their children.
If all else fails, it’s time to involve your wife - the Mother of your son. A mother must become a link between father and son, must convey to each of them what the father needs from his son and vice versa. Mom should help improve relationships in the family. Let the father be interested in the child’s life through the Mom, and she, in turn, will mention this in a conversation with the son, so that the son does not think that the father doesn’t care about him. As soon as some progress is noted in the relationship, it will be possible to move on to direct communication between father and son. 
In everything you need to know when to stop. Sometimes it is necessary to turn from a kind father into a serious man and put his son in his place, but you need to understand exactly when to do this.
This is the information we would like to convey to you today. In fact, it is not at all difficult to improve the relationship between father and son, to bring them closer. All that is needed from you is to realize your early mistakes in upbringing and not make them again. We hope everything will be fine for you. Good luck!