Why does a man act like a child? Why do men act like children?

So, you already know to watch out for gamers and stay away from the bad guys. In addition, you still need to take a serious look at men who have never been married or been in a serious relationship. In this article we will talk about why a man behaves like a child.

Why do men act like children?

If you have reached a certain age (we won’t name numbers here), it becomes impossible not to notice men who behave like children. But it’s still better to stay away from them and know why. An unmarried man over a certain age should be treated sensitively. Age doesn't matter, but if a man is over thirty-five and has never had a serious, long-term relationship with a woman, be careful. If he says, “I haven't had time for a serious relationship,” but hasn't spent the last ten years on an iceberg, be wary.

Who can a man-child be?

Lover of games;
Loser;
Psycho;
Gadom;
Extremely insecure and overly sensitive;
A potential fighter;
Boring;
Mama's boy.

Man-child - who is he?

Men-children often collect things - comic books, CDs, old albums, sports cards, you name it. They can still live with their parents and dress exactly the same as at school. They're still twelve-year-old boys who think all women are bitches even though they frequent strip bars. These are real misogynists who “rate” women on a scale of one to ten. They enjoy socializing with friends, most often in sports bars. They are literally obsessed with male friendship and sports - almost to the point of fanaticism. (Or to homosexuality?) These guys never become men - they are not ready for a serious relationship. They remain little boys, and that suits them just fine. These are real Peter Pans who absolutely do not want to grow up.

If a man behaves like a child, he is financially irresponsible:

often forced to borrow money from you or someone else;
does not calculate his funds in advance and squanders money left and right, saving nothing for upcoming expenses;
unable to hold down a job for any length of time;
does not seek to earn money in advance before it runs out;
expects you to help him out of financial troubles;
does not repay borrowed money for a long time.

Don't brush these symptoms off. Your partner's irresponsible attitude towards money affects not only him, but also you, since it usually ends with you feeling obligated to “help”. And don’t repeat the mistake - don’t convince yourself that your partner is simply “bad at counting money.” He doesn't really care about the financial side of his life because he doesn't want to grow up and take responsibility. Your partner's carelessness with his financial affairs will reflect in the way he treats you, and his insecurity will prevent your relationship from growing into a healthy, mature bond of equals.

If a man behaves like a child, he is unreliable:

No one expects a small child to always do everything on time, fulfill all promises and keep his word. But you have the right to expect reliability from an adult man, and if this is not the case, then you love a person who has not yet matured.

When you are in a relationship with a man who acts like a child, you begin to act like a mother to him: reminding him of things he should remember himself, doing for him what he should do himself, and making excuses for him sloppiness in front of friends and family. Without having much trust or respect for your partner, you will inevitably harbor a lot of anger and resentment towards him.

If a man behaves like a child, he has no sense of purpose:

Do you feel like your partner has no purpose in life?
Doesn't it seem to you that he is waiting for some kind of external push that would prompt him to action?
Does your partner often put off making any decisions until later? Does he have significant problems that he avoids solving?
Do you feel like your thirty-something partner is still trying to figure out what he wants to be when he grows up?
Don't you think he's waiting for someone to come along and give him his "big chance"?

If you answered yes to at least one of these questions, then your partner is a person who does not consider responsibility a necessary quality of life - like a child, he is waiting for someone to understand this and do everything for him. Of course, we all have times when we look at our lives and wonder whether we should continue doing what we have been doing. But if this period drags on for years, then this is no longer thinking, but an immature state of mind.

Why does a man act like a child?

If you love a “big baby,” it means you love a complex personality. Reluctance to take responsibility is not just a bad habit. This is rather a subconscious response to the circumstances that caused your partner to feel like a stolen childhood:

He had to grow up fast

It happens that some tragic events impose adult roles on children too early. The mother dies and the eldest daughter takes over her role in the family; the father abandons the family, and the only son takes on the burden of responsibility for the mother; one of the parents loses his functions due to alcoholism, and one of the children replaces it with his brothers and sisters. Such children grow up with a subconscious feeling of resentment for not having a childhood, and then, as adults, shy away from taking responsibility. It’s as if their mind is saying, “When I was little, I had to be an adult. I'm tired of it and now I want to play."

As a child, he felt strict control over himself

If your partner grew up in a family where strict discipline was observed, then as an adult he may protest by ignoring all the rules. For example, a boy who was always told exactly how to behave and who was punished for being “childish” could grow up into a rebel man who doesn't pay bills on time, forgets to do what you asked him to do, etc.

As a child he felt abandoned

If your partner was not taken care of enough as a child, then with his irresponsible and childish behavior he unconsciously seems to be saying: “Take care of me.” If you always remind him of where to go, help him find his keys, or encourage him to do the right thing, then this means that you are “babysitting” him in a way that his parents never babysat him as a child.

What to do if a man is a big child?

Basically, you don't have to worry too much about guys who act like children because they aren't going to put any effort into winning a woman. But they think all women are bitches and are always complaining about their bad temperaments and how expensive dating is. If you come across such a man, run away from him like crazy. If he cancels a date early in your relationship to meet friends at a sports bar, you have a man-child on your hands. And that means he's not worth your tears. Communicating with guys like this is a waste of time and effort. Besides, what kind of sex can we talk about if mommy and daddy are at home?

Question to a psychologist:

Hello! I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2.5 years. Before this, everything was fine: we understood each other, no quarrels, compromises, common views on life. But over time, the guy began to change. I’m 20, he’s 26. It would seem like a grown guy, what problems could there be: he works, earns money, invests in our future together, both financially and morally. But he began to behave like a child! Takes offense at every little thing; when a quarrel happens, it’s always my fault (that’s what the guy says). When I offer to make peace, the guy begins to behave like a small child, forcing him to make peace “on the little fingers”. "On the little fingers"! Just like when I was 5 years old in kindergarten. Or, when I’m ready to reconcile, it starts: “Well, ask me nicely, I’ll think about it then..” Maybe at the moment of a quarrel, I’ll start to get ready with the words: “If you don’t catch me now on the count of three, then I’m leaving! two, three...", if I don't catch him, he makes a pained face and really leaves. My nerves are already on edge. I can't accept this behavior of a big child. When I start to explain to him that this is a kindergarten and it annoys me, the answer comes: “Well, I like it that way, is it difficult for you to play along with me?” I have explained more than once that I want to see an adult man with me, and not this. It is impossible to achieve a compromise in this situation. The result is scandals, grievances, decreased sexual desire and arousal towards a partner. Before this everything was fine. Nothing of the kind was observed. This childishness began six months ago. I have become irritable, aggressive, I don’t show affection, or rather, I want to show it, but I can’t. Because of this, the young man is offended, says that I have ceased to be tender, affectionate, and it seems to him that my love for him is fading away. And he’s right, my feelings are not the same as before. Previously, we were on the same wavelength, it was never boring in each other’s company, there was always something new, but now I understand that I’m tired and want to be alone. The guy is offended. I love him and I see that he loves me too, sincerely. He will do it to his detriment, but it is better for me. But I cannot come to terms with this trait of his character. Tell me what to do in this situation? How to solve this problem and save the relationship? How should I proceed in this matter? Thanks in advance for your answer!

Psychologist Lyudmila Pavlovna Sviridova answers the question.

Hello Julia! You and your boyfriend have been together for 2.5 years, and half a year ago his behavior began to change. Let's look at the situation from different angles. Firstly: any relationship itself is fluid, changes are influenced by various factors, including the environment, addiction, self-affirmation, and, in the end, even heredity. Therefore, try to analyze what was associated with the first manifestation of such capriciousness, maybe this behavior is typical of someone from your boyfriend’s family or environment, and he liked it, maybe you allow yourself to be capricious, or, on the contrary, you are too serious, and your relationship lacks ease. Secondly: You write that in everything else you are satisfied with it. This is also an important factor, look at the main roles expected of a man, how he copes with them: protector, breadwinner, main, “child-producer”, future father. To what extent does he show himself in this regard? What are his prospects for the future? If you accept all this, then you can close your eyes to some of the disadvantages. Understand that there are no ideal people - these are illusions. Every person has some shortcomings. Rely on its positive manifestations. Learn to play in relationships, find inside yourself and turn on the “little girl” in such moments, then it will be easier for you to relieve tension between each other. You can’t be serious all the time, it makes life boring and monotonous, a sense of humor helps with this. Thirdly: there is a big difference when people just meet and when they start living in the same territory. Living together is practically family life, and it takes place in different functional areas: household, financial, communication, sexual, leisure - look at which of them you most often have conflicts about, which you cannot agree on. As I already wrote, relationships are always dynamic, they either develop or collapse. If you approach this consciously, with the understanding that everyone has difficulties and conflicts, and this is normal, but everyone solves it in their own way, then ask yourself: “Do I always want to be right? Or do I want to maintain and develop relationships? " The direction of your actions will depend on this: be offended and irritated, or change and fit into each other like puzzles. Such moments in life are called crises, they are like steps in the movement of common life, you can go down, or you can go up. Crises pose new challenges for us, and everyone has different solutions and answers. Therefore, Julia, a lot here depends on you personally. I wish you to learn flexibility in relationships!

When marrying a handsome man, many girls did not suspect that their husband was a big child, with his own whims and desires. And I really want to be behind him, like behind a stone wall. But there are many ways to change the situation! And all of them are described in this article.

Do men even grow up? After all, very often you can find families where the man behaves like a child, the wife is his mother. And this is fundamentally the wrong position of both sides. The first, as in childhood, accumulates grievances and throws capricious hysterics, and the second indulges him in everything. Both husband and wife forget that they are not mother and son. But such a family is not a completely sad story. It also happens that a wife becomes the husband of the family: she works three jobs, supports the family, cleans the house, and the husband, like a capricious child, only asks for food and attention. And if the wife asks him to do the usual men's work around the house - hammering a nail, fixing the plumbing, these tasks require a long preparation, and then another three years of mention. Of course, everyone understands that not all men are clean and have a desire to clean up after themselves, but when 8 years have passed since the wedding, and he still asks his wife every morning to find him clean socks, anyone’s patience will run out. There is only one problem - the husband is like a child. What to do in such a situation? The main thing is not to panic. Or maybe there is a baby inside every man?

During the candy-bouquet period, all the guys seem very good, thrifty and homely. But once a man and a woman live on the same territory, all this evaporates. And then women’s complaints to their friends begin: “My man is a big child!” But in modern society this “diagnosis” is no longer uncommon, because every third representative of the stronger sex suffers from infantilism of character, which leads to constant childishness. His shell grows, muscles, status, work appear, but this does not add responsibility. Toys, too, are no longer plastic guns, but expensive cars, gadgets, phones and “Barbie dolls.” In psychology, this behavior of an adult man is usually called Peter Pan syndrome - a man from a fairy tale who did not want to become an adult. Such modern fairy-tale characters dress up in expensive suits, drive expensive cars, but are capricious over every little thing, are jealous of any manifestation of emotions not in their direction, and are very susceptible to stress.

And you don’t even need to delve into the character or psychology of such a man to understand where this problem came from. The root of evil goes deep into childhood, where he was loved too much, he got everything for nothing, the child was constantly surrounded by excessive care and love. In general - everything is for him and in his name.

And it is not at all surprising if the mother of such a man was looking for a woman like her as a wife for her boy. To pass from one wing to another. But then another person came across who demands from the boy masculine decisions and actions. Which, in general, is true. After all, not everyone is ready, just like mommy, to wash his socks and cook borscht while he is lying on the sofa and giving instructions. Moreover, such men most often do not have their own male opinion, and they can be led away from this wing by another woman, whose socks will be cleaner and whose soups will be tastier. But it won’t be good for that girl either when such a Peter Pan moves into her house. After all, now in their family she will become the husband, and he will become a capricious wife, always dreaming of a new car or tie. So it’s a vicious circle, and it’s best to get rid of it at the first stage. Loving mothers will not be able to inspire this, but wives can correct some things. The main thing is to act calmly and without unnecessary emotions. A cool mind is the best solution, because there is already a capricious person in a problematic family, and this is not the wife.

Every woman has a natural desire to be weak, protected and confident in her real man. But it will take a lot of effort to re-educate such a big child, so for this period tenderness needs to be turned off and the boy-woman turned on. And only in these ways can you achieve results: as often as possible you need to ask him for real male help, even for trifles (carrying a package, finding a street, remembering something). But every time it is necessary to praise the hero for his great deed, because he made this decision himself, like a man! If you need a real man - no to the "suskans"! There is no need to rush around with a man like a fool with a mortar; he can easily pack his bag or documents on his own, serve himself something to eat or go to the store. And you don’t need to constantly remind him of what he should. The man remembers everything himself. Well, at least it should. Well, if he doesn’t remember what he should buy, let him eat one morning, say, without bread and sausage - he will remember for a long time what he needs to take for breakfast.

Everyone has their own shortcomings, so you shouldn’t scold him for every offense - leaving the light on, scattered socks. It's better to calmly ask for it to be removed. When shopping for important things, you need to consult with him and give him the right to choose. But dictatorship cannot be allowed.

This is how you can re-educate a man-child, but the main thing is not to raise him into a strict dictator who will not give him a normal life. Everything must be in balance. And it is best if in family relationships it becomes a rule to always come to compromises.

At one point, a woman realizes that in her family, in addition to small children, there is another child, only an adult, and his name is husband. What to do if your husband behaves like a child, and how to change it? Let's try to figure everything out in order.

Why does my husband act like a little child?

When a woman realizes that her husband is acting like a child, the question immediately arises: why is he like this and where did it all come from? The answer lies on the surface itself. If the husband behaves like a child, it means that his parents were involved. Before meeting you, your husband was under the strict care of his mother. She took care of her son for many years, making sure that he was always fed and neatly dressed. In fact, she blew dust off him without overloading her child with housework, shopping and washing socks. The mother did everything herself and received true maternal pleasure from it.

But the years fly by, the little son has turned into an adult, he began to think about starting a family, but everything is still at the mercy of his beloved mother, who continues to wash his clothes, clear dirty dishes from the table and call several times a day to find out if she has had lunch. “adult child” and whether his feet were frozen. In general, when becoming an adult, a man continues to remain a child: it’s easier, calmer and more comfortable.

Having met his future wife and even having a wedding, he continues to do nothing, hoping that his beloved, just like his mother, will do everything herself. As a rule, men even choose those who are similar in behavior and organization to their mothers. Your appearance to some extent became stressful for everyone, including your husband’s mother. She lost her precious blood, which she had cherished all these years. Now someone other than her will live with him and is unlikely to be able to care for him the way she did. Your husband also understands this, so he refuses to do anything in every possible way, citing your kindness and understanding. It’s just that at one time he was not taught independence and responsibility. He remained the same mama's boy.

Now you know why your husband behaves like a small child. After thinking a little, you came to the conclusion that this capricious creature needs to be re-educated somehow. Just how, the person is an adult and it is not very easy to agree to follow orders. Let's show a little trick: start with the smallest and end with the more complex.

Begin to act carefully so that all your actions do not arouse unnecessary suspicion in your husband. Ask your lover to do something every day. Be kind and loving. For example, let him vacuum the carpet for you or knock it out on the street. Say you have a headache or need to do other work urgently. The next day, invite your husband to make scrambled eggs or boil potatoes. Of course, he can simply ignore your request, for this he will have to come up with something compelling again. In general, use your imagination.

Your pregnancy may be a good time to re-educate your husband: you can refer to your illness in every possible way, thereby pushing your spouse to do this or that work.

Never scold your husband for not knowing how to do anything. He still won’t understand this, because there is someone who can successfully cope with everything on his own. You must develop tactics that will bear fruit every day. Don't demand too much from your husband: just imagine what a burden it is for him.

And remember that if a husband is like a child, this does not mean that he will never grow up. If he feels your love every day, then he will be able to do anything for you, even take out the trash and run to the store for bread.

How to stop being a caring mother for your husband and become a beloved wife again? What to do if your husband behaves like a small child?

“It feels like I have more than one child, two! And the second one is 40 years old!” If you find yourself in a similar situation, then this article is for you.

Three year old adult

Your husband graduated from kindergarten, school and even college a long time ago. He grew up, learned to pee in a potty and earn money on his own. But here’s the problem: as soon as you are nearby, an adult man degrades to the state of a three-year-old. “I don’t want to,” “I won’t,” “I can’t,” “I don’t know how,” “you’ll still do better.”

Life is good when you wait until you're fifty

Perhaps your husband really hasn't grown up. Since childhood, lovingly cared for by his mother, grandmothers and nannies, he has not yet smelled a responsible and lonely life. He has no experience of making adult decisions on his own. He hasn't learned to solve problems on his own. In a word, he has not grown up yet and is not ready for the role of a husband.

What to do? The choice is small - either be patient and grow it, or give it to another, more patient woman for re-education. In the latter case, in parallel, it is worth looking for the answer to the question “How did I end up next to an immature man? Why didn’t the fire alarm go off?”

You will have to raise it carefully and lovingly - just as you teach order to your three-year-old son. Delegate responsibility to the extent possible. Praise for small achievements. A good option is to start family psychotherapy or at least attend it yourself. So as not to burn out.

Tiger wife

At work, your husband is a responsible boss, but at home he turns into a fluffy kitten. In a previous marriage, he was the thunder of the seas, and a year after the wedding you discover that he is unable to choose a new refrigerator.

Most likely, this could not have happened without your contribution. Watch how you communicate with your husband. We typically talk to others from one of three perspectives: adult, parent, or child.

The adult negotiates, the parent demands, the child begs. Once you become a parent, your spouse instantly becomes a child. And vice versa, the childish position of the spouse awakens the peacefully sleeping parent in the other spouse.

Sometimes we ourselves don’t notice how we make foolish children out of our husbands.

What to do? Start communicating with your husband as equals. Compare:

“Darling, our refrigerator is broken. Go online and choose a new one” – “Of course, honey. Which model is better to choose? (parent - child)

“Darling, I think our refrigerator is broken. Won't you take a look at what's wrong with him? - “Let me take a look, don’t get involved on your own, you won’t understand anything anyway” (child – parent)

“Darling, our refrigerator is broken. What suggestions do you have, let’s discuss” - “Come on. I suggest calling a specialist and first assessing the prospects. What do you think?" (adult - adult)

If your husband slides into the position of a child, stay in the position of an adult:

“Which model is better to choose?” - "Let's discuss. It is important to me that the refrigerator is quiet. What is important to you? (child – adult)

This is not an easy task. We carry into our families the traditions of relationships with our parents. It’s not possible to change your mind right away. But if you keep the three positions in mind and practice mindful communication, you will gradually both get used to negotiating rather than manipulating. For those who can’t do it at all, they invented it.

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