Basic types of upbringing in the family. Types and styles of parenting in the family
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Abstract on the discipline “Family Psychology”
On the topic: Types of upbringing in the family
Moscow 2010
Introduction
Conclusion
Bibliography
INTRODUCTION
The family plays the main role in the formation of moral principles and life principles of the child.
The family creates personality or destroys it; it has the power of the family to strengthen or undermine the mental health of its members. The family encourages some personal drives while preventing others, satisfies or suppresses personal needs. The family structures opportunities for achieving security, pleasure and self-realization. It indicates the boundaries of identification and contributes to the emergence of an individual’s image of his “I”.
The way children grow up depends on how relationships are built in the family, what values and interests are brought to the fore by its older representatives. The family climate affects the moral climate and health of the entire society. The child reacts very sensitively to the behavior of adults and quickly learns the lessons learned in the process of family upbringing. It is almost impossible to re-educate a child from a problematic family. The child has learned certain rules, and society will pay for such gaps in upbringing. The family prepares the child for life, is his first and deepest source of social ideals, and lays the foundations of civic behavior.
Parents - the first educators - have the strongest influence on children. Parents are prior to everyone else; kindergarten teacher, primary school teacher and subject teachers. They are given an advantage by nature in raising children. Providing family education, its content and organizational aspects are an eternal and very responsible task for humanity.
Deep contacts with parents create a stable state of life in children, a feeling of confidence and reliability. And it brings a joyful feeling of satisfaction to parents.
In healthy families, parents and children are connected through natural, everyday contact. This is such close communication between them, as a result of which spiritual unity arises, coordination of basic life aspirations and actions. The natural basis of such relationships is made up of family ties, feelings of motherhood and fatherhood, which are manifested in parental love and caring affection of children and parents.
1. The role of parents in shaping the child’s personality
The formation of a person’s personality does not occur under ideal conditions. Socialization and upbringing in the family are understood by us as spontaneous and often unconscious imitation or borrowing of manners, views, and attitudes of parents.
Outwardly, the behavior of parents can be quite socially acceptable, since it is subject to prevailing morality, rules and norms of relationships. However, the external social form of behavior of spouses can sharply diverge from their actual qualities and properties. It, that is, a form of behavior, is a role-based, specified behavior in a particular team or small group. Job roles and responsibilities set a certain standard of behavior. The multiple roles that parents play in society (group leader, fan, fisherman, seminar leader, business traveler, spectator, participant in sports competitions, etc., etc.) impose special features on their behavior. However, the family behavior of parents is significantly different from all other roles and types of behavior in other situations. This behavior is least determined by external standards, samples, models, mandatory norms and rules of behavior and is most adequate to the psychological essence of parents.
Therefore, the behavior of parents in the family sometimes goes beyond self-control even when children are near them. And these defects in the behavior of parents, defects in their own upbringing, character flaws, one way or another, will be captured and perceived by children. The experience of family relationships - both positive and negative aspects - becomes decisive for a person when he begins to build his family. Therefore, it is no coincidence that, according to the observations of some psychologists, most happy marriages are concluded by people from prosperous, happy families. (24, p. 107)
The style of his relationship with his parents, which is only partly determined by their social status, has a significant influence on the child’s personality.
There are several relatively autonomous psychological mechanisms through which parents influence their children. First, reinforcement: by encouraging behavior that adults consider correct and by punishing for violating established rules, parents introduce into the child’s mind a certain system of norms, the observance of which gradually becomes a habit and internal need for the child. Secondly, identification: the child imitates his parents, follows their example, tries to become just like them. Thirdly, understanding: knowing the child’s inner world and sensitively responding to his problems, parents thereby form his self-awareness and communicative qualities.
Family socialization is not limited to direct “paired” interaction between a child and his parents. Thus, the identification effect can be neutralized by counter-role complementarity: for example, in a family where both parents know how to run a house very well, the child may not develop these abilities, since, although he has a good example before his eyes, the family does not need to demonstrate these qualities; on the contrary, in a family where the mother is uneconomical, this role can be taken on by the eldest daughter. The mechanism of psychological counteraction is no less important: a child whose freedom is severely limited can develop an increased desire for independence, and one who is allowed everything can grow up dependent. Therefore, the specific properties of a child’s personality cannot, in principle, be deduced either from the properties of his parents (either by similarity or contrast), or from individual methods of education.
At the same time, the emotional tone of family relationships and the type of control and discipline prevailing in the family are very important.
Psychologists present the emotional tone of the relationship between parents and children in the form of a scale, at one pole of which there are the closest, warm, friendly relationships (parental love), and at the other - distant, cold and hostile. In the first case, the main means of education are attention and encouragement, in the second - severity and punishment. Many studies prove the advantages of the first approach. A child deprived of strong and unequivocal evidence of parental love is less likely to have high self-esteem, warm and friendly relationships with others, and a stable positive self-image. A study of young men and adults suffering from psychophysiological and psychosomatic disorders, neurotic disorders, difficulties in communication, mental activity or learning shows that all these phenomena are much more often observed in those who lacked parental attention and warmth in childhood. Hostility or inattention on the part of parents causes unconscious mutual hostility in children. This hostility can manifest itself both openly, towards the parents themselves, and covertly.
The emotional tone of family upbringing does not exist on its own, but in connection with a certain type of control and discipline aimed at developing the appropriate character traits. Different methods of parental control can also be presented in the form of a scale, at one pole of which there is high activity, independence and initiative of the child, and at the other - passivity, dependence, blind obedience.
Behind these types of relationships there is not only a distribution of power, but also a different direction of intrafamily communication: in some cases, communication is directed primarily or exclusively from parents to the child, in others - from the child to the parents.
Of course, the way decisions are made in most families varies depending on the subject: in some matters, children have almost complete independence, in others (for example, in financial matters), the right to decide remains with the parents. In addition, parents do not always practice the same style of discipline: fathers tend to be perceived by children as actually being harsher and stricter than mothers, so the overall family style is somewhat compromising. Father and mother can complement each other, or they can undermine each other's influence.
The best relationships between children and parents usually develop when parents adhere to a democratic parenting style. This style most contributes to the development of independence, activity, initiative and social responsibility. In this case, the child’s behavior is directed consistently and at the same time flexibly and rationally: the parent always explains the motives for his demands and encourages the child to discuss them; power is used only as necessary; both obedience and independence are valued in a child; the parent sets the rules and firmly enforces them, but does not consider himself infallible; he listens to the child’s opinions, but does not proceed only from his desires.
Extreme types of relationships, no matter whether they go towards authoritarianism or liberal all-tolerance, give bad results. The authoritarian style causes children to become alienated from their parents and feel unimportant and unwanted in the family. Parental demands, if they seem unreasonable, cause either protest and aggression, or habitual apathy and passivity. An inflection towards all-tolerance causes the child to feel that his parents do not care about him. In addition, passive, uninterested parents cannot be the subject of imitation and identification, and other influences - school, peers, mass media - often cannot fill this gap, leaving the child without proper guidance and orientation in a complex and changing world. The weakening of the parental principle, as well as its hypertrophy, contributes to the formation of a personality with a weak “I”.
Why are authoritarian methods so persistent? First of all, this is tradition. As adults, people often repeat what their parents did to them, even if they remember how difficult it was for them. Secondly, the nature of family upbringing is very closely related to the style of social relations in general: family authoritarianism reflects and reinforces the command-administrative style that has taken root in production and in public life. Thirdly, people unconsciously take out on their children their work troubles, irritation that arises in queues, crowded transport, etc. Fourthly, the low level of pedagogical culture, the conviction that the best way to resolve any conflict situations is force.
No matter how great the influence of parents on the formation of personality, its peak occurs not in adolescence, but in the first years of life. By high school, the style of relationships with parents has long been established, and it is impossible to “undo” the effect of past experience.
To understand the relationship between a child and his parents, it is necessary to know how the functions of these relationships and the ideas associated with them change with age. In the eyes of a child, the mother and father appear in several “guises”: as a source of emotional warmth and support, without which the child feels defenseless and helpless; as power, decision-making authority, administrator of benefits, punishments and rewards; as a model, an example to follow, the embodiment of wisdom and the best human qualities; as an older friend and adviser who can be trusted with everything.
The basis of a child’s emotional attachment to his parents initially lies in his dependence on them. As independence grows, especially in adolescence, such dependence begins to burden the child. It’s very bad when he lacks parental love. But there is quite reliable psychological evidence that excess emotional warmth is also harmful for both boys and girls. It complicates the formation of their internal anatomy and gives rise to a stable need for care, dependence as a character trait. A too cozy parental nest does not stimulate the grown chick to fly out into the contradictory and complex adult world.
2. Styles and types of family education
Each family objectively develops a certain, not always conscious, system of education. Here we mean an understanding of the goals of education, and methods of education, and taking into account what can and cannot be allowed in relation to the child. Four tactics of upbringing in the family can be distinguished and four types of family relationships corresponding to them, which are the prerequisite and result of their occurrence: dictate, guardianship, “non-interference” and cooperation.
Diktat in the family is manifested in the systematic suppression by parents of initiative and self-esteem in children. Of course, parents can and should make demands on their child based on the goals of education, moral standards, and specific situations in which it is necessary to make pedagogically and morally justified decisions. However, those who prefer order and violence to all types of influence are faced with the resistance of a child who responds to pressure, coercion, and threats with hypocrisy, deception, outbursts of rudeness, and sometimes outright hatred. But even if resistance turns out to be broken, along with it there is a breakdown of many personality qualities: independence, self-esteem, initiative, faith in oneself and one’s capabilities, all this is a guarantee of unsuccessful personality formation.
Family guardianship is a system of relationships in which parents, while ensuring through their work that all the child’s needs are met, protect him from any worries, efforts and difficulties, taking them upon himself. The question of active personality formation fades into the background. Parents, in fact, block the process of seriously preparing their children for the reality beyond the threshold of their home. Such excessive care for a child, excessive control over his entire life, based on close emotional contact, is called overprotection. It leads to passivity, lack of independence, and difficulties in communication. There is also the opposite concept - hypoprotection, which implies a combination of an indifferent parental attitude with a complete lack of control. Children can do whatever they want. As a result, as they grow up, they become selfish, cynical people who are unable to respect anyone, do not deserve respect themselves, but at the same time still demand fulfillment of all their whims.
The system of interpersonal relations in the family, built on the recognition of the possibility and even expediency of independent existence of adults from children, can be generated by the tactics of “non-interference”. It is assumed that two worlds can coexist: adults and children, and neither one nor the other should cross the line thus drawn. Most often, this type of relationship is based on the passivity of parents as educators.
Cooperation as a type of relationship in a family presupposes the mediation of interpersonal relationships in the family by common goals and objectives of joint activity, its organization and high moral values. It is in this situation that the child’s selfish individualism is overcome. A family, where the leading type of relationship is cooperation, acquires a special quality and becomes a group of a high level of development - a team.
There are 3 styles of family education - authoritarian, democratic and permissive.
They demand unquestioning obedience from the child and do not consider it necessary to explain to him the reasons for their instructions and prohibitions. They tightly control all areas of the child’s life, and they do not always do it correctly. Children in such families usually withdraw and their communication with their parents is disrupted. Some children go into conflict, but more often children growing up in such a family adapt to the style of family relationships and become unsure of themselves and less independent.
A democratic style of family relationships is the most optimal for education. Democratic parents value both independence and discipline in their child’s behavior.
They themselves provide him with the right to be independent in some areas of his life; without infringing on rights, they simultaneously require the fulfillment of duties; they respect his opinion and consult with him. Control based on warm feelings and reasonable concern usually does not irritate children too much and they often listen to explanations of why one thing should not be done and another should be done. The formation of personality under such circumstances occurs without special experiences and conflicts.
With a permissive style, parents pay almost no attention to their children, do not limit them in anything, do not prohibit anything.
Children from such families often fall under bad influence while growing up and in the future can raise a hand against their parents; they have almost no values.
3. Raising children in families of different structures
Features of raising an only child in a family
There are two most common points of view on this matter. First: the only child turns out to be more emotionally stable than other children, because he does not know the worries associated with rivalry between brothers. Second: an only child has to overcome more difficulties than usual in order to acquire mental balance, because he lacks a brother or sister (2, p. 86). No matter what psychologists say, the life of one - the only child in a family often develops in such a way that confirms precisely this second point of view. Difficulties, however, are not absolutely inevitable, and yet they occur so often that it would be foolish not to notice them.
Undoubtedly, parents with an only child usually pay excessive attention to him. They care too much about him just because he is their only one, when in fact he is just the first. Few are able to calmly and competently treat their firstborn the way we later treat subsequent children. The main reason here is inexperience. There are, however, other reasons, which are not so easy to detect. Leaving aside some physical limitations, some parents are frightened by the responsibility that having children imposes on them, others are afraid that the birth of a second child will affect their financial situation, others, although they will never admit it, simply do not like children, and they are quite One son or one daughter is enough.
Some obstacles to the mental development of children have a very specific name - greenhouse conditions, when the child is groomed, cuddled, pampered, caressed - in a word, carried in their arms. Because of such excessive attention, his mental development inevitably slows down. As a result of the excessive indulgence with which we surround him, he will certainly encounter very serious difficulties and disappointments when he finds himself outside the home circle, since he will also expect from other people the attention that he was accustomed to in his parents' home. For the same reason, he will begin to take himself too seriously. Precisely because his own horizons are too small, many little things will seem too big and significant to him. As a result, interacting with people will be much more difficult for him than for other children. He will begin to withdraw from contacts and seclude himself. He has never had to share parental love with his brothers or sisters, not to mention games, his own room and clothes, and it is difficult for him to find a common language with other children and his place in the children's community.
How to prevent all this? With the help of a second child - many will say. And this is true, but if some special problems can be solved in this way, then where is the confidence that as soon as we give birth to another child, we will immediately achieve complete adaptation of the first. In any case, you need to do your best to overcome the desire to raise a child in greenhouse conditions. It can be argued that raising an only son or only daughter is much more difficult than raising several children. Even if the family is experiencing some financial difficulties, it cannot be limited to one child. The only child very soon becomes the center of the family. The concerns of the father and mother, focused on this child, usually exceed the useful norm. Parental love in this case is distinguished by a certain nervousness. The illness of this child or death is endured very hard by such a family, and the fear of such misfortune always faces the parents and deprives them of the necessary peace of mind. Very often, an only child gets used to his exclusive position and becomes a real despot in the family. It is very difficult for parents to slow down their love for him and their worries, and willy-nilly they raise an egoist.
For mental development, every child requires mental space in which he could move freely. He needs internal and external freedom, free dialogue with the outside world, so that he is not constantly supported by the hand of his parents. A child cannot do without a dirty face, torn pants and fights.
An only child is often denied such space. Consciously or not, the role of a model child is imposed on him. He must say hello especially politely, read poetry especially expressively, he must be an exemplary cleaner and stand out among other children. Ambitious plans are being made for him for the future. Each manifestation of life is carefully observed, with hidden concern. The child does not experience a lack of good advice throughout his childhood. Such an attitude towards him carries the danger that the only child will turn into a spoiled, dependent, insecure, overestimating, scattered child.
But this may not be the case, since there are fundamental rules in behavior with only children. They can all be formulated in one sentence, which should become a law for every family with one child: just no exclusivity!
Specifics of education in a large family
The educational potential of a large family has its own positive and negative characteristics, and the process of socialization of children has its own difficulties and problems.
On the one hand, here, as a rule, reasonable needs and the ability to take into account the needs of others are cultivated; none of the children have a privileged position, which means there is no basis for the formation of selfishness and asocial traits; more opportunities for communication, caring for younger ones, learning moral and social norms and community rules; Such moral qualities as sensitivity, humanity, responsibility, respect for people, as well as qualities of social order - the ability to communicate, adapt, and tolerance can be more successfully formed. Children from such families turn out to be more prepared for married life; they can more easily overcome role conflicts associated with the inflated demands of one spouse on the other and low demands on themselves.
However, the process of education in a large family is no less complex and contradictory. Firstly, in such families, adults quite often lose their sense of justice in relation to children and show unequal affection and attention to them. An offended child always acutely feels a lack of warmth and attention to him, reacting to this in his own way: in some cases, the accompanying psychological state for him is anxiety, a feeling of inferiority and self-doubt, in others - increased aggressiveness, an inadequate reaction to life situations. Older children in a large family are characterized by categorical judgments and a desire for leadership and guidance even in cases where there is no reason for this. All this naturally complicates the process of socialization of children. Secondly, in large families, the physical and mental stress on parents, especially the mother, increases sharply. She has less free time and opportunities to develop children and communicate with them, to show attention to their interests. Unfortunately, children from large families more often take socially dangerous paths of behavior, almost 3.5 times more often than children from other types of families.
A family with many children has fewer opportunities to meet the needs and interests of a child, who is already given significantly less time than in a family with one child, which, naturally, cannot but affect his development. In this context, the level of material security of a large family is very significant. Monitoring the socio-economic potential of families has shown that the majority of large families live below the poverty threshold.
Raising a child in a single-parent family
The child always suffers deeply if the family hearth collapses. Family separation or divorce, even when everything happens with the utmost politeness and courtesy, invariably causes mental breakdown and strong feelings in children. Of course, it is possible to help a child cope with growing difficulties in a separated family, but this will require a lot of effort from the parent with whom the child will remain. If family separation occurs when the child is between the ages of 3 and 12, the consequences are felt especially acutely.
The separation of a family or the divorce of spouses is often preceded by many months of disagreements and family quarrels, which are difficult to hide from the child and which greatly worry him. Moreover, his parents, busy with their quarrels, also treat him poorly, even if they are full of good intentions to protect him from solving their own problems.
The child feels the absence of his father, even if he does not openly express his feelings. In addition, he perceives his father's departure as a rejection of him. A child may retain these feelings for many years.
Very often, after family separation or divorce, the mother is forced to take a well-paid job and, as a result, may devote less time to the child than before. Therefore, he feels rejected by his mother.
What can be done to help a child in a broken home? Explain to him what happened, and do it simply, without blaming anyone. To say that this happens to many people and therefore it is better to be as it is. The child can be protected from unnecessary worries when the separation of the family is as final for him as for the parents. Father's visits, especially if they become less and less frequent over time, each time again and again cause the baby to feel that he has been rejected. The younger the child is at the time of family separation or divorce, the easier it is for the father to part with him. The child certainly needs to be prepared for his father’s departure. Help your child grow up and become independent so that he does not become overly and unhealthy dependent on you. One of the most common mistakes is the mother's overprotection of her son.
It would seem that the mother does everything with the best intentions: she wants to give her son more attention, surround him with more care, wants to feed him better food, dress him better, etc. But by making these efforts, often heroic, sacrificing herself, her interests, desires, health, the mother literally emasculates everything masculine in the boy’s character, making him lethargic, lacking initiative, and incapable of decisive masculine actions.
If parents do not live together, if they are separated, then it has a very painful effect on the upbringing of the child. Children often become the subject of contention between parents who openly hate each other and do not hide this from their children.
It is necessary to recommend to those parents who, for some reason, leave each other, that in their quarrel, in their disagreement, they think more about the children. Any disagreements can be resolved more delicately. You can hide both your dislike and your hatred of your ex-spouse from your children. It is, of course, difficult for a husband who has left his family to somehow continue raising children. And if he can no longer have a beneficial influence on his old family, then it is better to try so that she completely forgets him, it will be more honest. Although, of course, he must continue to bear his financial obligations towards the abandoned children.
CONCLUSION
family education moral child
The role of the family in society is not comparable in its strength to any other social institutions, since it is in the family that a person’s personality is formed and developed. The family acts as the first educational institution, with which a person feels a connection throughout his life.
It is in the family that the foundations of a person’s morality are laid, norms of behavior are formed, and the child’s inner world and his individual qualities are revealed.
A person acquires value for society only when he becomes an individual, and its formation requires targeted, systematic influence. It is the family, with its constant and natural influence, that is called upon to shape the character traits, beliefs, views, and worldview of the child. Therefore, highlighting the educational function of the family as the main one has social meaning.
The functions include: economic, household, recreational, or psychological, reproductive, educational functions. For each person, the family performs emotional and recreational functions that protect the person from stressful and extreme situations. The essence and content of the economic function consists of managing not only the general household, but also economic support for children and other family members during the period of their incapacity. Sociologists consider the reproductive function of the family to be the main social function, which is based on a person’s instinctive desire to continue his kind. The family is also responsible for the physical, intellectual and mental development of the child.
Considering all the functions, styles, tactics, structures and psychological mechanisms of influence described above, we must not forget that raising children requires the most serious attitude, but at the same time the simplest and most sincere.
The purpose of education is to promote the development of a person distinguished by his wisdom, independence, artistic productivity and love. It is necessary to remember that you cannot make a child a human being, but you can only facilitate this and not interfere, so that he develops a human being within himself.
The main and fundamental rule that must be taken into account when raising a child is consistency in the diversified development of the child’s personality and democracy in relations with him.
Bibliography
1. Vasilkova Yu.V. “Social pedagogy”, M. 1999, ed. "Academy"
2. Zemskaya M.R. “Family and Personality”, M., 1999, ed. "Progress"
3. Craig G. “Developmental Psychology”, ed. "Peter", 2000
4. Krysko V.A. “Pedagogy and Psychology”, M. 2004, ed. "Bustard"
5. Lebedev P.A. “Family education” Reader., M. 2001, ed. "Academy"
6. Maklakov A.G. "General Psychology", ed. "Peter", 2004
7. Pershina L.A. “Age psychology”, M. 2005, “Academic project”
8. “Psychology and Pedagogy”, ed. Radugina A.A., Publishing House "Center" 2002
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The topic "" is hotly discussed in the pedagogical literature. But we, parents, do not always think about how it should be and what impact our actions have on the development of the child. Let's think about it. After all, many negative consequences can be prevented by knowing the basic style characteristics parental behavior.
Highlight 4 main types of family education:
- Conniving style (synonyms in other sources: indifferent, indifferent, guardianship, indifference);
- Liberal (non-intervention; in some sources, the liberal style is equated with the laissez-faire);
- Authoritarian (autocratic, dictatorship, dominance);
- Authoritative (democratic, harmonious style, cooperation).
Parenting styles are used by parents unconsciously, but they cannot but exist. Lack of education is also a style.
Let's present the characteristics of each style in the form of a table, where the first column will describe the actions of parents, and the second - the behavior of children as a result of using style.
Permissive style and its characteristics
| Parental behavior (R.) | Children's behavior (D.) |
| Parents (R.) unconsciously demonstrate a cold attitude towards the child, indifferent to his needs and experiences. R. do not set any restrictions for children; they are exclusively interested in their own problems. R. are convinced that if their child is dressed, shod and fed, then their parental duty is fulfilled. The main method of education is carrot and stick, and immediately after punishment, encouragement can follow - “as long as you don’t yell.” R. often demonstrate a two-faced attitude towards others. In public, R. shows boundless love and trust for their child, emphasizing his merits and justifying his pranks. They develop the child only because they want to get the maximum benefit from it. Such R. like to repeat: So what, I was like that myself and grew up to be a good person. Permissive style keywords: Do as you please! | (D.) left to their own devices. Alone they are forced to deal with their little problems. Not cared for in childhood, they feel lonely. D. rely only on themselves, showing distrust of others, and have many secrets. Often D. are two-faced, like their parents, they demonstrate servility, flattery, fawning, they like to lie, sneak and brag. Such children do not have their own opinions, do not know how to make friends, sympathize, or empathize, because they were not taught this. There are no prohibitions or moral standards for them. The learning process for D. is not important, what is important is the end result - a mark that they sometimes try to cry out, defend, and challenge. D. are lazy, do not like work, either mental or physical. They make promises but don’t keep them; they are undemanding to themselves but demanding of others. They always have someone to blame. Self-confidence in older age borders on rudeness. The behavior of D. indifferent R. is problematic, which gives rise to constant conflict situations. |
Liberal style and its characteristics
| Parental behavior (R.) | Children's behavior (D.) |
| In contrast to the permissive style, liberal parents (R.) deliberately put themselves on the same level as the child, giving him complete freedom. There are no rules of behavior, prohibitions, or real help that a little man so needs in the big world. R. mistakenly believe that such upbringing creates independence, responsibility, and contributes to the accumulation of experience. R. do not set goals for education and development, leaving everything to chance. The level of control is low, but the relationship is warm. R. completely trust the child, communicate easily with him and forgive pranks. The choice of a liberal style may be due to the weakness of R.'s temperament, their natural inability to demand, lead, and organize. They either do not know how or do not want to raise a child and, moreover, absolve themselves of responsibility for the result. Key phrase: Do what you think is necessary. | D. liberal parents are also left to their own devices. When they make mistakes, they are forced to analyze and correct them themselves. As adults, out of habit, they will try to do everything alone. D. is likely to develop emotional detachment, anxiety, isolation and distrust of others. Is D. capable of such freedom? The formation of personality in this case largely depends on the environment outside the family. There is a danger of D.'s involvement in asocial groups, since R. are unable to control their actions. Most often, in liberal families either irresponsible and insecure D. grow up, or, on the contrary, uncontrollable and impulsive. At best, D. of liberal parents still become strong, creative, active people. |
| Parental behavior (R.) | Children's behavior (D.) |
| Parents with an authoritarian style demonstrate a high level of control and cold relationships. R. have clear ideas about what their child should be like and achieve the goal by any means. R. are categorical in their demands, uncompromising; any initiative or independence of the child is suppressed in every possible way. R. dictate the rules of behavior, they themselves determine the wardrobe, social circle, and daily routine. Methods of punishment and a commanding tone are actively used. R. like to justify themselves by saying that “I was also punished, but I grew up to be a good person,” “The egg doesn’t teach the chicken!” At the same time, R. strive to give their child all the best: clothes, food, education. Everything except love, understanding and affection. Authoritarian style keywords: Do as I want! | D. experience a lack of parental affection and support. They are well aware of all their shortcomings, but are not confident in themselves and their strengths. D. often has a feeling of his own insignificance, a feeling that his parents do not care about him. A personality with a weak self is formed, incapable of contact with the outside world. The results of an overly demanding upbringing: either passivity or aggressiveness. Some children flee, withdrawing into themselves, while others struggle desperately, releasing thorns. Lack of closeness with parents causes hostility and suspicion towards others. Often D. of authoritarian parents run away from home or commit suicide, finding no other way out. Discovering the tyrant in yourself in time and not ruining the child’s life is the primary task of authoritarian parents. |
Democratic style and its characteristics
| Parental behavior (R.) | Children's behavior (D.) |
| Warm relationships and high control are the optimal conditions for upbringing, according to psychologists. Democratic parents talk with their children, encourage initiative, and listen to their opinions. They coordinate the child's activities and set rules taking into account his needs and interests. R. recognize D.'s right to freedom, but demand discipline, which forms D.'s correct social behavior. R. are always ready to help, nevertheless cultivating independence and responsibility. R. and D. cooperate, act on equal terms, authority, however, remains with the adult. The democratic style can be called the “golden mean”. Key words: I want to help you, I listen to you, I understand you. | The democratic style forms a harmonious type of personality, which is, as we remember, the main goal of modern education. D. grow up to be independent, proactive, reasonable, and self-confident people. These may not be ideal children, but they listen to comments and try to control their behavior. D. often become excellent students and leaders in the team. By raising children in a collaborative manner, parents also invest in their future. Such D. will cause a minimum of trouble, and as adults, they will be a support for the family. |
Probably after reading characteristics of styles, you have a question: “How can this be? We don’t use any of these styles in our family!” or “In our family, all styles have a place!” or “Our family has an individual parenting style!” And you'll be right. Family parenting styles are not always used by parents in their pure form. For example, in some families, cooperation can sometimes border on indifference, dictate on non-interference, depending on the situation.
Disorderly alternation styles, inconsistent actions of parents indicate chaotic upbringing. Conversely, parents can overdo it with care, and then cooperation develops into overprotection. In some sources you can find descriptions of judicious and competitive styles, but again, they can be considered as options main 4 styles.
So how should you raise children? Application alone democratic style is not always effective, although in terms of personal development it is certainly the best.
Choice family education style primarily depends on the personality of children and parents, on family traditions and moral principles. The upbringing conditions of the parents themselves leave a huge imprint. How many parents - so many opinions. What do you think about this?
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Family relationships are a system of mutual demands and expectations that are oriented in all directions - from older to younger family members, and from younger to older.
There are different approaches to classifying parent-child relationship styles. For example, A. Baldwin distinguishes two styles:
1) democratic , which is characterized by a high degree of verbal communication between parents and children, the involvement of children in the discussion of family problems, the constant readiness of parents to help, and the desire for objectivity in raising children;
2) controlling , which presupposes significant restrictions in the child’s behavior with an understanding of the meaning of these restrictions, clarity and consistency of the parents’ demands and the child’s recognition of them as fair and reasonable.
Let us give a typical classification of styles of relationships in the family - authoritarian, democratic and liberal-permissive.
Authoritarian style characterized by parental authority. At the same time, there is a belief that such upbringing can develop in a child the habit of unquestioning obedience. However, in families of this type there is no spiritual unity or friendship. Adults pay little attention to the child’s individuality, his age characteristics, interests and desires. Although children grow up obedient and disciplined, they develop these qualities without an emotionally positive and conscious attitude towards the demands of an adult. More often this blind obedience is based on the fear of being punished. As a result, children develop little independence, initiative, and creativity. It is in such families that adolescents most often come into conflict with their parents and become alienated from the family.
In a democratic style relationships are characterized by mutual love and respect, attention and care of adults and children for each other. In families with democratic style relationships, children are full participants in the life of the family, its work and rest. Parents try to get to know their children more deeply, to find out the reasons for their bad and good deeds. Adults constantly appeal to the child’s feelings and consciousness, encourage his initiative, and respect his opinion. At the same time, children know the meaning of the words “impossible” and “necessary” quite well. The democratic style of family education gives the greatest effect in shaping children's conscious discipline and interest in family affairs and in the events of their surrounding life. Gradually, children develop initiative, resourcefulness, and a creative approach to the assigned task. Punishment in such families is usually not used - censure or grief from the parents is enough.
However, it happens that a family has outwardly developed a democratic style of education, but it does not give the desired effect, since parents violate the most important pedagogical principles, for example, they fail to determine the level of demands on children, organize the correct daily routine, or create conditions for their children’s feasible labor contribution to work. family life; they may be inconsistent in their demands or they do not have a unified approach to some family matters. In this case they talk about liberal-permissive style.
Authoritarian type of education, in which dictatorship in relation to the child, the demand for unquestioning submission, and rejection of his individuality are clearly manifested. Such an attitude towards a child is based on the inviolability of the parents’ own authority, sometimes false. Such parents often use punishment and strict control. Options for resolving disagreements by the parent are not accepted or discussed. In this case, the child is characterized by low self-esteem, reduced activity, lack of initiative, a tendency to quarrel, and difficulties in communicating with peers. This position of family members leads to constant conflicts.
Nurturing type of education. Parents in this case are overly caring. Overprotection manifests itself in two forms: conniving and dominating.
With indulgent overprotection, the child is at the center of the family, which strives to maximally satisfy his needs. The baby arouses everyone's admiration, and it doesn't matter how he behaves. When parents address their children, a tender tone prevails. Almost every whim of his is immediately fulfilled. And if mom and dad don’t do this, they cause disapproval from other family members. With such upbringing, the baby gets used to being the center of attention. He develops painful sensitivity, suspicion, stubbornness and even aggressiveness. This makes him difficult to get along with his peers, which means he is rejected and lonely.
With the dominant type of overprotection, due to the desire to protect the child from difficulties, parents put numerous prohibitions and restrictions on him, and abuse control. The consequences of this upbringing are the formation in the child of such personality traits as dependence on others, lack of self-defense, and excessive compliance. He scrupulously carries out everything that an adult suggests, regardless of expediency. According to psychologists, this type of guardianship is more typical for the mother than for the father.
Neglecting type of parenting. With this kind of upbringing, the baby is left to his own devices. His parents are not interested in him, do not control him and even avoid contact. In this case, the child’s behavior is characterized by underdevelopment of the emotional-volitional sphere, isolation, and aggressiveness. He is inactive, often pretends that he cannot carry out an assignment, although he is capable of it (the phenomenon of learned helplessness), and an unstable type of behavior is possible (the child can be impulsive, stubborn, etc.).
Favorable type of upbringing is based on trust, respect for each other, cooperation. Parents approve of the baby and his interests. They try to help him solve problems, while options for resolution are discussed together with the child. Control is of a helping nature. Restrictions on behavior are also discussed, and the baby accepts them as fair. With such upbringing, the child shows activity, initiative, and independence. He is friendly, which helps him easily make contact with peers and adults.
The type of family upbringing is a gross, integrative characteristic of intrafamily relationships, the attitude of parents towards their parental duty, various kinds of value orientations, attitudes, emotional attitude towards the child, the level of parental competence.
The nature of family upbringing is largely a consequence of the parental position. Typically, there are three criteria for assessing parental positions - adequacy, dynamism and predictability. Adequacy characterizes the parents’ orientation in the individual psychological characteristics of the child, his age traits, as well as the degree of awareness of these characteristics. Dynamism is a measure of the mobility of parental positions, the variability of forms and methods of communication and interaction with the child (the perception of the child as an individual, the degree of flexibility of communication with the child in various situations, the variability of forms and methods of influence on the child depending on age). Predictiveness is the ability of parents to foresee the prospects for the child’s development and to restructure their interaction with the child.
As a basis for classifying family education by type and type, the following specific parameters are usually distinguished:
1) the degree of emotional acceptance by the parents of the child, interest in him,
2) the degree of concern,
3) demandingness,
4) consistency in the implementation of the parenting style,
5) affective stability of parents,
6) anxiety,
7) the nature of the management system in the family as a whole.
Types of families by parameters
For each of these parameters, several cases of differential value can be distinguished:
1 - acceptance / indifference / rejection
2 - caring / carefree
3 - permissive (type) / permissive / situational / restrictive
4 - consistency / inconsistency
5 - stability / instability
6 - anxiety/calmness
7 - authoritarian / democratic / permissive
As you can see, theoretically there can be up to 3*2*4*2*2*2*3=576 types of family education. However, in real life, not all of these types occur equally often. Various studies have identified the following eight most common types of family education.
Emotional rejection
Raising a child is accompanied by coldness, sometimes - however - capable of being interrupted by periods of exaggerated sympathy, attention and care on the part of parents. Parents do not follow their child’s emotions with their emotions; quite quickly, the child unlearns to follow his parents with his emotions. As a result, he develops a poor emotional sphere, low self-esteem, and a feeling of loneliness. Often such children find a way out in study.
Abusive attitude
Often cruel treatment is combined with emotional rejection. In such families, severe reprisals often occur for minor offenses or disobedience. Cruelty can be not only physical, but also psychological: emphasized indifference, various kinds of “curses,” psychological pressure, verbal aggression. Abuse often results in the child’s aggressiveness and various types of personality disorders.
Increased moral responsibility
Increased level of parental expectations regarding the present and future, successes, abilities and talents of the child. Assignment of responsibilities that are beyond one's strength and inappropriate for one's age. The expectation from a child that he will realize their unfulfilled desires and aspirations. The predominance of the rational aspect in education: excessive moralizing and demandingness, formality in the approach to the child, which largely leads to asexual upbringing and emotional flattening of the child, his inability to fit into an emotionally charged, ambivalent situation.
Controversial Parenting
A combination of different styles in one family, incompatible with each other and not adequate to each other, which manifests itself in open conflicts, competition and confrontation among family members. The result of such upbringing can be high anxiety, uncertainty, low unstable self-esteem of the child. The inconsistency of upbringing contributes to the development of internal conflict in the child. Inconsistency and contradiction give rise to situational behavior of the child and deceit.
Hypoprotection
Lack of guardianship and control, true interest and attention to the child’s affairs. In its extreme form - neglect. Often with this type of upbringing, children gain independence early. Obvious disadvantages: a high risk of falling under the negative influence of strangers, poor manners.
One of the variants of hypoprotection is hidden hypoprotection, in which care and education takes on a very formal character (“for show”). Often the cause of hidden hypoprotection is emotional rejection.
Another variant of hypoprotection - pandering hypoprotection - is characterized by a combination of a lack of parental supervision with an uncritical attitude towards violations in the child’s behavior and his bad actions.
Hyperprotection
Another name is hyperprotection. Increased guardianship and control, interest in the child’s affairs takes on a painful nature. Often the reason for hyperprotection is the mother’s status as a housewife, while wanting to assert herself as an “ideal mother.” Overprotection negatively affects the development of independence, initiative and the formation of a sense of duty and responsibility in the child. Also, the cause of hyperprotection may be the unfulfilled need of parents for affection and love.
There may be a number of motives associated with negative experiences: concern for the future of the child, fear of misfortune with the child, fear of loneliness, low social status, the desire to dominate in everything, neurotic manifestations. Dominant hyperprotection is excessive guardianship, petty control, a complex system of continuous prohibitions and the inability for the child to ever make his own decision. The main idea of this type of education is “everything that is not permitted is prohibited.” Such intensity of educational activities is rightly perceived by the child as psychological pressure. Indulging hyperprotection - education according to the “child is the idol of the family” type. Characteristic features: excessive patronage, the desire to free the child from the slightest difficulties, to satisfy all his needs. The obvious consequence of such upbringing is the strengthening of egocentric tendencies in personality development, the difficulty of forming collectivism, the selective assimilation of moral norms, and low achievement motivation.
Hypochondriacity
With this type of upbringing, illness becomes the semantic center of family life. This usually happens in families where the child has suffered or is suffering from chronic diseases for a long time. The result is that the child’s self-esteem becomes inextricably linked with the disease. The child refracts everything that does not happen around him through the prism of the disease. Over time, he gets used to putting pressure on the pity of those around him, emphasizing the symptoms of his illness, he develops egocentrism and an inadequate level of aspirations.
Love
Parents love the child and are imbued with his interests. They try to treat him evenly and fairly. They take care of the child’s initiative; if the child is in a difficult, hopeless situation, they help. Parents are emotionally stable, calm, reasonable. The management style in the family is democratic. The child’s voice is taken into account when solving a number of specific problems.
Quite often, people with children turn to psychologists for help. Moms and dads ask experts why their beloved children might have had undesirable qualities and bad behavior. Education plays the most important role in the formation of personality. Their future life depends on his style and the type chosen by his parents. What methods and forms of education are used? This question is worth understanding, because the answer to it will be useful for all parents to know.
What is parenting and what styles exist?
The word “education” appeared in people’s speech a very long time ago. Evidence of this is provided by Slavic texts dating back to 1056. It was in them that the concept in question was first discovered. In those days, the word “education” was given meanings such as “to nurture”, “to feed”, and a little later it began to be used in the meaning of “to instruct”.
Subsequently, this concept was given many different interpretations by various specialists. If we analyze them, we can say that education is:
- the formation of a personality who will be useful to society and who will be able to live in it, will not avoid other people, will not withdraw into himself;
- interaction between educators and students;
- learning process.
Parents, raising their children, often do not think about organizing this process. They act as their intuition and life experience suggest. Simply put, moms and dads raise their sons and daughters the way they do best. Thus, each family adheres to a certain parenting style. By this term, experts understand the characteristic patterns of relationships between parents and their children.
There are many classifications of parenting styles. One of them was proposed by Diana Baumrind. This American psychologist identified the following parenting styles in the family:
- authoritarian;
- authoritative;
- liberal.
Later this classification was expanded. Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin identified another style. It was called indifferent. Some sources use terms such as “hypoprotection” and “indifferent style” to refer to this model. Parenting styles and the characteristics of each of them are discussed in detail below.
Authoritarian style of family education
Some parents keep their children strict and use harsh methods and forms of education. They give their children instructions and expect them to be followed. Such families have strict rules and requirements. Children must do everything and not argue. In case of misconduct, incorrect behavior, or whims, parents punish their children, do not take into account their opinions, and do not ask for any explanations. This style of family education is called authoritarian.
In this model, children's independence is very limited. Parents who adhere to this parenting style think that their child will grow up obedient, dutiful, responsible and serious. However, the final result is completely unexpected for moms and dads:
- Children who are active and strong in character begin to express themselves, as a rule, in adolescence. They rebel, show aggression, quarrel with their parents, dream of freedom and independence, and that is why they often run away from their parents’ home.
- Children who are insecure obey their parents, are afraid of them, and are afraid of punishment. In the future, such people turn out to be dependent, timid, withdrawn and gloomy.
- Some children, growing up, follow the example of their parents - they create families similar to those in which they themselves grew up, keeping both wives and children in strictness.
Authoritative style in family education
Experts in some sources designate this model with the terms “democratic style of education”, “cooperation”, since it is the most favorable for the formation of a harmonious personality. This parenting style is based on warm relationships and a fairly high level of control. Parents are always open to communication and strive to discuss and solve all problems that arise with their children. Moms and dads encourage their sons and daughters to be independent, but in some cases they can point out what needs to be done. Children listen to their elders and know the word “should”.
Thanks to an authoritative parenting style, children become socially adapted. They are not afraid to communicate with other people and know how to find a common language. An authoritative parenting style allows you to raise independent and self-confident individuals with high self-esteem and the ability to exercise self-control.
The authoritative style is the ideal parenting model. However, exclusive adherence to it is still undesirable. For a child at an early age, authoritarianism coming from parents is necessary and useful. For example, mothers and fathers should point out to the child incorrect behavior and demand that he comply with any social norms and rules.
Liberal model of relations
Liberal upbringing is observed in those families where parents are very lenient. They communicate with their children, allow them absolutely everything, do not set any prohibitions, and strive to demonstrate unconditional love for their sons and daughters.
Children raised in families with a liberal model of relationships have the following features:
- are often aggressive and impulsive;
- strive not to deny themselves anything;
- love to show off;
- do not like physical and mental work;
- demonstrate self-confidence bordering on rudeness;
- conflict with other people who do not indulge them.
Very often, the inability of parents to control their child leads to the fact that he ends up in antisocial groups. Sometimes a liberal parenting style leads to good results. Some children, who know freedom and independence from childhood, grow up to be active, determined and creative people (what kind of person a particular child will become depends on the characteristics of his character inherent in nature).
Indifferent style of raising a child in the family
This model highlights such parties as indifferent parents and embittered children. Moms and dads do not pay attention to their sons and daughters, treat them coldly, do not show care, affection and love, and are busy only with their own problems. Children are not limited by anything. They know no prohibitions. Such concepts as “goodness” and “compassion” are not instilled in them, so children do not show sympathy either for animals or for other people.
Some parents not only show their indifference, but also their hostility. Children in such families feel unwanted. They are observed with destructive impulses.
Classification of types of family education according to Eidemiller and Yustiskis
The type of family upbringing plays an important role in the development of personality. This is a characteristic of parents’ value orientations and attitudes and emotional attitude towards the child. E. G. Eidemiller and V. V. Justiskis created a classification of relationships in which they identified several main types that characterize the upbringing of boys and girls:
- Pandering hyperprotection. All the family's attention is directed to the child. Parents strive to satisfy all his needs and whims as much as possible, fulfill his desires and make his dreams come true.
- Dominant hyperprotection. The child is the center of attention. His parents are constantly watching him. The child’s independence is limited, because mom and dad periodically impose some prohibitions and restrictions on him.
- Cruel treatment. There are a huge number of demands in the family. The child must follow them unquestioningly. Disobedience, whims, refusals and bad behavior are followed by severe punishments.
- Neglect. With this type of family education, the child is left to his own devices. Mom and dad do not care about him, are not interested in him, do not control his actions.
- Increased moral responsibility. Parents do not pay much attention to the child. However, they place high moral demands on him.
- Emotional rejection. can be carried out according to the “Cinderella” type. Parents are hostile and unkind towards the child. They do not give affection, love and warmth. At the same time, they are very picky about their child, demanding that he maintain order and obey family traditions.
Classification of types of education according to Garbuzov
V.I. Garbuzov noted the decisive role of educational influences in the formation of the child’s character traits. At the same time, the specialist identified 3 types of raising children in a family:
- Type A. Parents are not interested in the individual characteristics of the child. They do not take them into account and do not strive to develop them. The upbringing of this type is characterized by strict control, imposing the only correct behavior on the child.
- Type B. This type of upbringing is characterized by parents’ anxious and suspicious concept of the child’s health and social status, and the expectation of success in school and future work.
- Type B. Parents and all relatives pay attention to the child. He is the idol of the family. All his needs and desires are satisfied sometimes to the detriment of family members and other people.
Clémence's study
Swiss researchers under the leadership of A. Clémence identified the following styles of raising children in the family:
- Directive. In this family style, all decisions are made by the parents. The child’s task is to accept them and fulfill all requirements.
- Participative. A child can independently decide something about himself. However, there are several general rules in the family. The child is obliged to fulfill them. Otherwise, parents use punishment.
- Delegating. The child makes his own decisions. Parents do not impose their points of view on him. They don't pay him much attention until his behavior causes serious problems.
Disharmonious and harmonious education
All considered family upbringing styles and types can be combined into 2 groups: disharmonious and harmonious upbringing. Each group has some characteristics, which are indicated in the table below.
| Characteristics | Disharmonious upbringing | Harmonious education |
| Emotional component |
|
|
| Cognitive component |
|
|
| Behavioral component |
|
|
Why do some families experience disharmonious upbringing?
Parents use inharmonious types and styles of parenting in the family. This happens for various reasons. These are life circumstances, character traits, unconscious problems of modern parents, and unmet needs. Among the main reasons for disharmonious upbringing are the following:
- projection onto the child of one’s own undesirable qualities;
- underdevelopment of parental feelings;
- educational uncertainty of parents;
- presence of fear of losing a child.
With the first reason, parents see in the child those qualities that they themselves have, but do not recognize them. For example, a child has a tendency towards laziness. Parents punish their child and treat him cruelly because of the presence of this personal quality. The struggle allows them to believe that they themselves do not have this deficiency.
The second reason mentioned above is observed in those people who did not experience parental warmth in childhood. They do not want to deal with their child, they try to spend less time with him and not communicate, so they use inharmonious styles of family child rearing. This reason is also observed in many young people who were not psychologically prepared for the appearance of a child in their lives.
Educational insecurity occurs, as a rule, in weak individuals. Parents with such a deficiency do not make special demands on the child; they satisfy all his desires, since they cannot refuse him. The little family member finds a vulnerable spot in mom and dad and takes advantage of it, ensuring that he has maximum rights and minimum responsibilities.
If there is a phobia of loss, parents feel their child's defenselessness. It seems to them that he is fragile, weak, painful. They protect him. Because of this, such inharmonious styles of raising adolescents as pandering and dominant hyperprotection arise.
What is harmonious family upbringing?
With harmonious upbringing, parents accept the child for who he is. They do not try to correct his minor shortcomings, they do not impose any models of behavior on him. The family has a small number of rules and prohibitions, which absolutely everyone observes. The child’s needs are met within reasonable limits (without the needs of other family members being ignored or infringed upon).
With harmonious upbringing, the child independently chooses his own path of development. Mom and dad don’t force him to go to any creative clubs if he doesn’t want it himself. The child's independence is encouraged. If necessary, parents only give the necessary advice.
For harmonious upbringing, parents need to:
- always find time to communicate with your child;
- take an interest in his successes and failures, help him cope with some problems;
- do not put pressure on the child, do not impose your own points of view on him;
- treat the child as an equal member of the family;
- instill in the child such important qualities as kindness, empathy, respect for other people.
In conclusion, it is worth noting that it is very important to choose the right types and styles of parenting in the family. This determines what the child will become, what his future life will be like, whether he will communicate with the people around him, and whether he will become withdrawn and uncommunicative. At the same time, parents must remember that the key to effective upbringing is love for the little family member, interest in him, and a friendly, conflict-free atmosphere in the home.