Love addiction or “I can’t live without him.” I love a married man, what should I do? Can't live without it? Basic human needs
After 4 months, he proposed to me in front of the whole family, on one knee, gave me a gorgeous ring - everything was so beautiful! They wanted to get married. I was in seventh heaven - I was sure it was HIM! But in reality, everything was not as wonderful as it seems. He is a very emotionally unstable person. He was tormented by unhealthy jealousy of my previous relationships and sexual partners - he constantly asked me about everything in detail, he wanted to know everything! And I, stupid, thought that if I was frank with him, he would feel better, and I told him everything. Everything only got worse. He continued to be jealous of me, we continued to quarrel about it. But all this happened periodically. Between quarrels and jealousy, our relationship again turned into a fairy tale full of love and tenderness. And we both believed that now everything would be fine, and we dreamed together of a strong family, three sons, a big beautiful house, and we dreamed of growing old together. Against the backdrop of all the troubles, we decided to postpone the wedding. It was a very difficult decision for me - it was like taking a step back in a relationship. I flatly refused to go to the registry office, but still he convinced me that it didn’t matter to him - he wants me to be his wife no matter what, and we will definitely get married - in a year or two - when we are really ready for this (here it must be said that we are no longer 18 years old. I am almost 27, he is 25). We applied, set a date and time, and announced it to all our family and friends. But the problems were and remain. We continued to quarrel because of his jealousy. It was the hardest thing for him in this situation - he turned to psychologists, Orthodox confessors, tried to watch relevant films and read literature, but nothing helped. As a result, the day came when he said that he was tired of offending me, and did not want to hurt me anymore - and we needed to leave. I will say that we were living abroad at that time and renting shared housing, that is, “separating” meant going to separate rooms and stopping sleeping together. We continued to live under the same roof - I suffered, he pretended that he was fine. Or he actually felt good. Against the backdrop of all this, his mother hated me. She talked me over and accused me of bewitching him, that I was a kept woman (at that time I was not working), that I was not a match for him... She lectured him about how he needed to end the relationship with me, and she did it very masterfully - brainwashed him to such an extent that over time I stopped recognizing my loved one. At this time I was finishing university, sitting over textbooks day and night. Instead of supporting me, my boyfriend continued to get on my nerves, we separated and got back together, he flew home, flew back to me with flowers and apologies, and vows that this was the last time.. We parted again, flew away again. These were the hardest months of my life. However, I had the strength to finish university, and, as planned, we returned to our homeland together - forever. We don't have our own housing here. We planned to buy an apartment, but all the formalities would take at least six months. At first (THREE DAYS) we lived with his parents (his mother had calmed down by that time), but in the end she kicked us out. We went to my parents - they accepted him in silence, although against the backdrop of all the events they were no longer so happy about him in our house. And we continued to swear, offend, insult each other in quarrels. And we separated again. He went to live with his parents. For three weeks I lay in bed - neither alive nor dead. My parents didn't know what to do with me. My friends couldn’t get me out of the house.. And at that time he was resting, talking with friends, spending time having fun. Three weeks later we got back together - we promised each other to try again, to give each other a chance... He said that without me he is not him, and only I am HIS woman, and he can never be with anyone else happy. Naturally, there is no longer talk of any wedding. Now our relationship consists of rare (maximum 2-3 times a week) meetings in the evenings, from which I no longer get any pleasure. However, I don’t have the strength or determination to put an end to it. I'm afraid I still love him, but I don't know if I do. I still cherish the hope that we can be happy, although I understand in my head that we can’t! He turned into a terrible egoist, calculating and selfish person! There is no more tenderness, warmth and trepidation. His eyes, with which he looked at me as no one had ever looked before, dimmed and became alien. But I still love him... I'm deeply depressed - from a cheerful laugher, I turned into a boring, uninteresting bore. I do not want anything. I don't go anywhere. I was overcome by laziness, apathy and complete indifference to life. I don’t want to go on dates with him anymore, I don’t want him to come to me - because I know that this will only bring me another portion of pain. And at the same time I pray on the phone, waiting for his call or SMS. But I can’t imagine my life without him - what if it all comes back? Please tell me what to do? How to find the strength to return to life and break up (or improve relationships) with this person? What literature should I read? Where to look for salvation? I want to be happy. But now there is nothing in my life except tears and disappointment. Thank you in advance!
Hi all! I am writing this letter and really hope for support, advice and opinions. I am 22 years old, my boyfriend is 27 years old. We met two and a half years ago. We started dating... he told me about his ex-girlfriend, about their difficult relationship.
She gave birth to a child from him, which he did not want (in his words). Having lived together for a year after the birth of the baby... he decided to leave. I cannot judge her as a bad person, because I know the entire history of their relationship only from his words. He helps the child financially. Sometimes he takes him for a walk, i.e. does not refuse it.
In general, when we started dating, everything was fine - he was a FIRST person for me in every sense. I couldn’t believe that there were people like him) Life seemed like a fairy tale to me, he simply adored everything connected with me (my habits, my dog, my room...). We met our parents and spent a lot of time with the whole family. Time passed, and he offered me “his hand and his heart”, he said that he really wanted kids =) in a word, I was happy =)
I moved in with him... and one day, six months later, I asked a question about marriage. THIS IS WHAT IT ALL PROBABLY STARTED... he replied that we don’t have money for the wedding yet and after that not another word. I tried to understand the situation, but immediately remembered the saying about men: “Saying it doesn’t mean getting married.” I tried to hide my tears, although there was a sea of emotions in my soul. That day, I decided to drop this issue until it was resolved on its own...
After another six months, I find out about my pregnancy, and of course, I talk to him about this topic... In response I hear: “I’m not ready, I want the children to be planned.” After thinking about it, I realized that I needed to have an abortion (although now I terribly regret it). Some more time passed, and we began to quarrel a lot... because of mutual misunderstanding... because of his rudeness, harsh words... I packed my things and moved in with my parents.
We lived apart for only 4 days, to say that I BARELY SURVIVED these days is an understatement. I cried day and night. Before his eyes was a failed wedding and unwanted children. I thought I would just die without him. My parents didn’t leave me a single step, they were very worried, and then... then he called, said that he missed me, he said. that he wants me to come home...
Well, what can I do, it’s a woman’s lot, in one second I forgot all the grievances and rushed to him... we lived for 2 months without tears, without hysterics, without quarrels... and then something else started... My dog began to irritate him, sometimes my behavior... (probably, reading this letter myself, I would have assumed that the guy simply had another girlfriend). I can tell you that we are almost always together, there is nothing that could seem strange or suspicious, although love is sometimes blind...
Now I understand that I just need to get away from him, that I will never wait for either a wedding or the DESIRED (I emphasize) children. But... there is one BUT - I love him... even this... WHAT SHOULD I DO? I can’t understand... I don’t know how to live on if I leave? How to live WITHOUT HIM? What will happen there... in the future? How can you wake up alone in bed and not feel his embrace? How to fall asleep and not feel his hands? How to forget about him? It really seems to me that this is impossible. I am faced with a dilemma - either stay with him, love him and try to do at least something over time... or leave... But how to live???
Unfortunately quite often women they are left alone, and they take it very hard. Just a couple of days ago you were bathed in love and thought that this relationship would last forever, but then something suddenly changes. Sometimes the reason is infidelity, scandals, or simply a man decides to break up for reasons unknown to you. In any case, this is a terrible loss that not everyone can come to terms with.
Sometimes girls have thoughts that without this the world seems empty, that there is no point in living anymore. What to do in such a situation? How to regain faith in yourself and the ability to control your thoughts and actions? Let's try to find a way out.
What to do if life without your loved one seems meaningless?
1. It's psychological addiction. You must understand that a long-term relationship is always an attachment, which most often leads to psychological dependence. You can no longer imagine how you can live without this person, but you lived before? You had reasons to enjoy life and not be sad, you didn’t even know that this man existed. In the same way, now you don’t know what will happen next, but there will still be a lot of joyful events ahead and the one that will make your heart beat faster again.
Of course, you are suffering and sad now, because you spent so much time together, but this is not the main thing, because if he does not love you, then you cannot fix it.
2. Learn to respect yourself. Do you really think that because you commit suicide, your ex-lover will stop dating others and will regret breaking up with you? Perhaps he won’t even know about it, and if he does, his life won’t change radically. Also think about what you are worth, without him, yourself as a person. Do you really think that men can be tied to you with reproaches and threats?
To be valued, it is also important that you value yourself. There will be many more men in your life, and you are alone, so you should not allow yourself to degrade, develop, love yourself and then not only your ex, but also other men will be at your feet.
3. Remember that there are other men in the world. This is very important, because very few people give up relationships forever after breaking up. While you are thinking that you cannot live without him, how difficult and difficult it is for you, somewhere there is someone who will make you happy and give you true mutual love. Have you ever had girlfriends who didn’t want to look at other men for a long time after breaking up?
Is there anyone among them who, after a while, fell in love until they lost consciousness? This means that there will be a new love in your life, much stronger than the previous one.
4. Remember examples from the lives of friends. Surely, among those around you, there are examples of how sometimes unexpectedly everything changes, how people meet those who become their soulmate for the rest of their lives. Parting with your loved one is not a guarantee that you will find yourself alone; moreover, after parting, the chance of meeting your destiny increases significantly.
Share your problem with your acquaintances and friends, probably at least one person will have stories about how, after breaking up with a man, a woman fell in love even more, found her destiny, and then laughed at herself, because the suffering was meaningless. After some time, you won’t even remember about this person, because you will have a new relationship, new love, new experiences, so remember this and repeat it to yourself every day.
5. Take care of yourself. Most often, after a breakup, women fall into despair, and men endure the breakup not so hard. But then, when the woman has come to terms with it, the man has a desire to return her, he begins to realize the scale of his loss. Have you heard stories from friends you know about how sometimes your ex unexpectedly returned? Of course, this does not mean at all that you need to give him a chance and overstep your principles, but you must be prepared for such a turn of events.
Go in for sports, visit a stylist, start doing that hobby for which you always didn’t have enough time. The ex-boyfriend should bite his elbows when he finds out how much you have changed and become prettier. Men shouldn’t see your suffering, you won’t achieve anything by doing this, but you can stroke your pride when he doesn’t give you peace with his calls. Better improve yourself, it always bears fruit. This is also an excellent recommendation for those who, despite everything, still want to be with their ex-lover again. If you want him to treat you differently, learn to change too.
6. Give yourself time. This is really important to understand, because you need to learn to put up with pain and try to live with it. It’s quite a difficult skill, but if you have no other way, you’ll have to overcome yourself. Try to delve deeper into your work, visit your family and meet friends more often.
This way, time will pass faster, and you will be less tempted to stay at home and suffer, looking at the ceiling. It’s ideal if your sister or friend moves in with you for a while. You will have more fun, and the feeling of loneliness will not make you depressed.
7. Analyze your relationships. If you are afraid of making a mistake again, then it is important to evaluate the qualities that your ex-boyfriend had. This way you will be able to think ahead in the future and will not repeat the mistake of previous relationships. Just try to look for its complete opposite, set yourself in a positive mood and don’t allow yourself to be disrespected. This way, you can be sure that in the future you will not be treated the way you were treated now.
8. Contact a psychologist. If you couldn’t solve your problem on your own, and you still have strange thoughts, then be sure to contact a specialist. Some girls and women become depressed for a long period and stop living a normal life. As soon as you begin to understand that you cannot eat, drink, work and have fun, then urgently go to a psychologist. This is an isolated incident in your life, but he encounters this all the time and has vast experience. A psychologist will help you get out of this state and, using professional methods, will set you up in a positive mood.