What to do: the person does not reciprocate. Lyrics (lyrics) Mushrooms - Ice is melting

There are times in life when you fall deeply in love. A super alpha male, a strong middle man, and the last suffocating one can fall in love. And most importantly, they will behave absolutely the same. But, man, even when you're in love, you should use your head. You're a cool guy, other women love you, you really have undeniable advantages, but she doesn't pay any attention to you. Absolutely none! I mean in a sexual way. Our article is not even about the friend zone, although the friend zone will also appear in it, and more than once. You love her, you try, but she, bitch, does not reciprocate. Why?

1. You try too hard to get it.

In trying to seduce some person, we forget that we look like beggars at the subway: begging, humiliating and absolutely insignificant. If you think that girls feel pity for such dudes, then you are partly right, but most of them feel only awkwardness from such increased attention. And we understand them. Once we even had an article “He who seeks will not find.” And here it is, by the way. The girl likes the effect of the chase, and also when you surround her with care, but are not ready to fall to your knees at the very first click of her fingers to kiss her legs. This is painful, man!

2. She knows she can have you easily.

Girls also don’t like accessibility, because the myth that a real man is the one who came, saw, fucked, grabbed him and dragged him away is firmly ingrained in their heads. And here she can twist you as she pleases, stop humiliating yourself! These girls are pushed into the friend zone, do you know why? Because that’s what this slut needs! The point here is not that you have to act like a complete asshole, sending her to fuck her at will. You shouldn't grovel and look like you're ready to walk her dog thirty times every day. Simply put, respect yourself, dude! And you will be happy.

3. You're not her type

I remember I had a friend who had a special obsession about beautiful hands on guys. Precisely the hands. Another distant friend was crazy about doctors, probably because her first boyfriend was a medical student. Girls, like people in general, have strange tastes. There are girls who love a strictly certain type of guy, but guys who are somehow different from their ideas of “beautiful” do not excite them. Some people like tall brunettes, some prefer blondes, some like guys the same height as them, some have no preferences at all - they take everyone, the main thing is that there is a guy nearby. It's simple, dude!

4. She only sees you as a friend.

Dude, that's not the point here. It happens that you know a girl for a very long time and gradually fall deeply in love with her. This could be your flatmate, it could be your sister's friend, a classmate or fellow student. Here’s the problem: she doesn’t perceive you as a guy, but tries in every possible way to be friends with you, while the friendship is ruined by the fact that one of her subjects has a crush on the other. The chance that she will see you as an object of desire, and not “Kolka from the fifth “A”, with whom we stole a cool magazine together,” is small.

5. She's in love with someone else

If a girl is deeply in love with someone else, all the people around her cease to exist! I'm serious! The girl falls into a strange prostration and stops noticing how you are so handsome running around with a large bouquet of flowers. There's nothing you can do about it, man!

6. She's sure you're incompatible.

The stupidest reason that girls believe in, no matter what, and that can deceive you is belief in horoscopes. If you are a Leo and she is an Aquarius, then you will never be together! But this is bullshit, man! Some girls are sure that they will be incompatible with rich, poor, smart, stupid, short, people without a sense of humor and without common topics of conversation (the last two points are true). You may not have a few things that a girl is sure the guy she wants to date should have.

7. She's a lesbian

Simple and stupid reason. She plays in a different league! This is not always noticeable at first glance.

8. She has high demands on others

There is nothing worse than the condition that you somehow do not fully meet these requirements. Some bastard inspired this girl that she was almost a princess, that she was incredibly smart and devilishly beautiful, which means that she only needs a prince or some kind of oligarch. It is not necessary to have beauty, intelligence and education - you just need to convince yourself of their presence.

9. Family influence

Perhaps she even liked you, but when she told her parents about you, they unanimously said that they did not want their child to hang out with “this young man.” Perhaps you seem frivolous to them, perhaps they just want to control her completely, or perhaps for some reason they think that you are not a man. It happens, man!

10. She's not ready for a relationship.

She sees you running around her and wanting something more than just casual sex. But she is not ready for this now. Perhaps she is worried about a past relationship or she simply doesn’t want to be with someone right now.

11. She has no idea that you like her.

Instead of telling her to her face: “Woman, I love you, let’s date!”, you make some kind of heresy out of hints, half-hints and winks on Facebook (what kind of gayness is that?). If you seriously think that women understand hints better than directness, then you are very mistaken. EVERYONE understands directness better and appreciates it most of all, man! So, if you have never said this to her face, she most likely does not even know about it.

Love, sympathy, attraction - the feelings are quite strange. They bring adrenaline and brightness of sensations, richness into our lives.

Experiences and fullness of emotions. True, they can be both positive and negative. And cause great joy or endless sadness.

First reaction

It’s a familiar picture, isn’t it: he escorts her home or meets her at the entrance with flowers; invites you to a movie or a concert; invites you to sit in a cafe, wander through a quiet autumn park? He tries as best he can, but... And then the question arises: “What to do if the girl does not reciprocate?”

The very first thing a person experiences at such moments is resentment. Guys are no less vulnerable and mentally vulnerable than representatives of the fairer sex. And they worry just as deeply and strongly. Anyone who thinks that this is a manifestation of mental weakness is deeply mistaken. Being upset and sad about failure is a natural human reaction. But a young man definitely shouldn’t fall into panic and depression. What should I do? What to do if a girl doesn't reciprocate? We will talk about this in more detail now.

To the very essence

So, the first thing to do when the first wave of experiences subsides is to soberly assess the situation. Try to determine the cause of indifference, find out whether it was a consequence of any actions and deeds of the guy himself or was it initial? What to do if a girl does not reciprocate because of the boy’s mistakes and miscalculations? Naturally, try to correct the situation, make amends. Maybe the girl needs to be given time so that she can cool down, rethink, reconsider her attitude towards the fan. And then everything will gradually improve on its own. In this case, the guy should ease the pressure, step aside a little, and then gradually begin courtship again. Another question is “what to do if the girl does not reciprocate at all, initially.” In this case, the situation may indeed turn out to be hopeless.

Psychological attitude: don’t focus on the problem!

Remember the proverb: “They knock out a wedge with a wedge”? So try to follow it. After all, there are a lot of cute cuties around. And probably many representatives of the opposite sex like the rejected admirer. Therefore, instead of racking your brains over the question “how to get reciprocity from a girl,” it is better to direct your energy in a different direction. True, there is no need to rush too much. Let unfortunate Romeo move away from his sad thoughts and brush his feathers. And carefully, unobtrusively, prudently (remembering the water and milk that is blown on) begins to establish new relationships. But just don’t do it to spite someone. Or to make a past passion jealous. There will be no sense from such a “wedge”. Everything should start from a new leaf.

"Learn to control yourself..."

What you should never do if the girl does not reciprocate:

Avoid public scenes of jealousy. While hysterics are somehow forgivable for girls, they are completely out of the question for guys. Subtlety of mental organization and female nervousness are far from the same thing!

2. Deliberate contempt, indifference and ignorance are also undesirable. They reveal the guy’s vulnerability and emphasize that the past holds him in its hands. Alas, here the guys themselves, and even more so the “ex” and her entourage, can laugh at him to their heart’s content. And who needs it? Just try to cross paths with a capricious young lady less often, and if a meeting does occur, behave with dignity, restraint, but naturally. And in general - read the classics, it says everything!

“The less we love a woman...”

Yes, still the same great Pushkin! He was an excellent ladies' man; he read a woman's heart like an open book. What does the classic advise? Has the girl stopped reciprocating? Pay attention to this phrase - the key word here is “stopped.” This is a signal that should not be ignored. Try to talk to the lady of your heart, find out why she is dissatisfied. And, if possible, discuss controversial points, so

so that they no longer become stumbling points. Another positive point of the conversation is that if the old relationship is not resumed, when a new one begins, the guy will not step on the rake again. A “retired boyfriend” can also play on a girl’s pride and jealousy. But only if he has a good understanding of the character of his beloved fastidious girl, values ​​her very much and wants to regain her favor. To do this, you should calculate the steps like an experienced chess player and play the games.

We're just friends"?

Another option is when a conflict arises on personal grounds - when a young lady sees in her gentleman a purely knight, a friend, almost a being of the same sex. She often consults with such a young man, talks about problems, and shares her experiences. Maybe even cry on his chest or kiss him on the cheek, saying goodbye. But hugs, kisses and other caresses, alas, are not included in her plans. What to do? Make it clear: yes, you are ready to become her confessor and adviser. However, we do not intend to limit ourselves purely to this role and only agree to more.

Hello, dear men! Meeting a pretty girl and getting her attention is not as difficult as then achieving reciprocity. She can flirt, flirt, but at the same time not let you get too close and keep her distance all the time. Today I want to talk about what to do if a girl doesn’t reciprocate. First, we will talk about the reasons for this behavior, and then we will decide what to do about it, depending on the situation.

Cause

Why doesn't the girl you like pay attention to you and don't want to start a serious relationship? There may be several reasons. Let's look at each in more detail so you can understand what's going on in your case.

Excessive effort. It happens that a guy tries too hard to please. He writes to her constantly, calls her, invites her on dates, showers her with gifts. Yes, women definitely love attention. But there is a fine line here. You overdo it a little and that’s it, you no longer evoke anything but sympathy.

After all, it begins to seem that you are not a man, but just an errand boy. A woman does not want to feel that a man will come running to her at the first call. She wants to see someone strong and independent, purposeful and self-confident. And such a guy will not run after a girl.

A banal and simple reason - you are not suitable for her. We all look for a certain type of person. My friend chooses men solely by appearance. She would never approach a blond man with glasses in her life, no matter how wonderful he was. Perhaps you just don’t suit her according to some criterion that she came up with for herself. It's not scary. A person cannot please everyone without exception.

If it so happens that you fall in love with a young lady whom you have known for a long time, then she, most likely, simply does not see you as a gentleman. It happens that you communicate with a person for a long time, and then suddenly you realize that you are experiencing more serious feelings.

For example, falling in love with a neighbor, colleague, childhood friend, best friend's sister, and so on. She will still see you as the guy who can give you salt or who hit her with pillows in childhood with his brother.

Another possibility is that she already has feelings for someone else. When a girl is in love, all other men cease to exist for her. That's why she doesn't want to start any relationship with you. And here there is no chance of success at all. While she is passionate, you are just a person for her.

The strangeness of girls sometimes reaches the point of absurdity. Many young ladies seriously believe in the horoscope, compatibility, lunar calendar, and so on. And if she reads that you are incompatible, then no matter how good and healthy you feel, she will not agree because she will be afraid.

Her conviction will scream louder than anything else. One of my clients still can’t find a man for this very reason.

Apart from her horoscope, her indifference may be due to high expectations. She is searching . But you are not as tall, and your eyes are not so blue, and your jokes are not so funny, and so on ad infinitum.

Perhaps the young lady liked you, but her family said a categorical “no.” It also happens that family influence greatly affects a girl’s decisions. If mom or dad didn’t like you, then the young lady will not be able to go against them and will refuse you, although internally she will continue to feel sympathy for you.

A woman may simply not be ready for a serious relationship at the moment. Recently she had a painful breakup, she was betrayed and deceived. Therefore, she is ready to just communicate and have fun, but she is not ready to go anywhere further.

And it also happens that a girl does not express her sympathy for you simply because she has no idea about your feelings. When you try to give her hints, like her on social networks, write non-binding messages, then she may not even think about anything more than friendly communication. Here you need to be more decisive and straightforward.

What are the options

For example, if she is not yet ready for a serious relationship, wait. Continue to communicate with her, show that you are not like her ex, who cheated on her and turned out to be a traitor. Or her family is against it, but the young lady herself has serious feelings for you.

Romeo and Juliet were from warring clans, if you remember. But love helped them overcome this obstacle. Here you will have to win the trust and respect of her family. Yes, it will be difficult, but this is a task that is quite feasible for you.

The second option is to let go. There is a saying: if you love, then let go. It often happens that we meet a person, we like him so much, we want to start a family with him, but the stars don’t align. Yes, this happens too. You need to come to terms with it, accept it and move on.

If a girl openly admitted to you that she doesn’t see your future together, leave.

Keep looking and you will definitely find a girl who will not only reciprocate your feelings, but will also want to share the joys and sorrows for the rest of her life. Of course, finding your person is difficult. But you shouldn’t cling to every option. Know how to let go.

The third is to understand yourself a little. It happens that she simply does not take you seriously. For example, colleagues say that you are a reveler, and so on. And she can't believe that you could want a serious relationship. Here you will have to prove her wrong.

If a young lady has stopped communicating with you for some specific reason, then you need to find out and understand how to change and get reciprocity from her. It's not always easy for a guy. So don’t be afraid to talk and ask. Sometimes a heartfelt conversation greatly helps in overcoming misunderstandings.

Have you found out the reason why your lady doesn't want a relationship with you? What are you going to do now?

Be brave and confident.
Good luck!

Winning the heart of a girl who does not reciprocate is a difficult task. However, do not despair. There are several proven methods that will help change the situation.

Why are the feelings not mutual?

1. The girl's heart is already taken. The feelings you were counting on are intended for someone else, and for a girl to fall in love with you, she must first stop loving her “current” boyfriend.
2. Friendzone. The girl likes to spend time with you, she is happy to meet you, she values ​​you as a person - but only as a friend. This means that you are in the “friend zone”.
3. You are showing too much interest to the object of sympathy. The girl turns on the stereotype “he is ready to do anything for me. Rag!". She loses all interest in you.
4. She's not attracted to your appearance. The girl rejects all advances with the explanation “you’re not my type.” Your chosen one prefers a different type of man and therefore does not consider you as a partner.
5. The girl has no idea about your feelings. The girl perceives the signs of sympathy that you show as respect and a manifestation of friendly feelings.

How to achieve reciprocity from your beloved?

Respect yourself. It is possible that the girl sees that you are ready for anything with just one click. Your value in her eyes decreases. It is useless to hope that sooner or later she will appreciate it and reciprocate.

The only way out of this situation is to show her that you don't need her too much and you can easily find a replacement. Get to know other girls more. Spend time in their company more often. As soon as she notices that you are popular with other women, her attitude towards you will immediately change.

An article to help: useful tips on how to approach girls. We will tell you about the most useful free lessons for communicating with girls.

There are thousands of beautiful women around you. It is possible that you will find someone more beautiful, smarter and more interesting than her. Why concentrate on one that doesn't value you?

Match her tastes. If you want to achieve the reciprocity of a girl whose ideal you are not, you will have to change a lot in yourself:

• communication style;
• manner of dressing;
• circle of acquaintances;
• interests.

A powerful impetus for rapprochement will be a joint shopping trip. Ask your girlfriend to help you choose clothes.

Style. You will also have to expand your knowledge in the field of men's style. Learn the basics of combining things, it is not difficult and will be useful to you in the future.

Free advice from the best stylists can be found on the Internet. A lot of useful information can be found on our website.

If you want to be constantly attracted to girls, work on yourself. Develop in yourself. Here are some useful tips on how.

Success with women largely depends on your ability to communicate. You can read more about this in.

If a girl agrees to a date, then you will have a great chance to impress her. To do this you need to choose the right one.

Clearly state your position in relation to her. No half measures - if you see a girl as your potential partner, then she should know about it.

You can be friends for many more years, suffering from unexpressed feelings, or you can take the bull by the horns, open up, and find long-awaited reciprocity.

Here's how to do it:

1. Straight Talk. The shortest and most direct way to reveal your true feelings. This is a risky step: the woman may be shocked. Focus on your lover's mood. Intuition will tell you when the right moment comes.
2. Flirting. If previously your relationship with her was friendly, now try to court her. Compliments, romantic SMS, hidden hints, surprises, gazes, gifts - at first they can confuse a girl, but it is impossible to resist such manifestations of attention.

   What to do if a girl accepts gifts, but does not show reciprocity? Perhaps you are giving the wrong gifts. In you can read about how to give a romantic gift that will not leave any woman indifferent.

3. Help from the audience. You can ask mutual friends to help. Often it is friends who help a girl open her eyes to the true state of things.

   You can only ask reliable people for help. There is no need to confess your love through someone else’s lips - the “mediator” only needs to hint that you are not indifferent to her. This will move your relationship forward.

Well, what if after all the efforts there is no result? There is no point in being upset - perhaps this is simply not your person. Think about whether you want to constantly suffer from her coldness, to wait for reciprocity without any guarantees.

You shouldn’t deny yourself romantic emotions by constantly knocking on a closed door. There are a lot of girls - maybe it’s better to find another? Perhaps among your friends, colleagues or just acquaintances there is someone who has hidden feelings for you? Discover new horizons.

Probably, almost the worst thing a person in love can hear from the object of his adoration is “I don’t love you!” It sounds very cruel, so cruel that only a few are ready to tell the truth face to face. It is customary to somehow gently evade, not say yes or no, or mutter something like “I’ll try to figure it out within myself” and play for time, expecting that either “it will come in handy” or “it will go away on its own.” And yet, what is better, to tell the truth about not love or to remain silent about the answer? Let's ask psychologists.

1. Say nothing. Pull the cat by the tail.

A person who is so defenseless that it seems that all his clothes were taken off him and he was pushed out into the street in this form. The blood is pounding in the ears, the palms are getting cold, if someone confessed their love first, then of course they remember these feelings forever. Those seconds while you wait for an answer seem endless and you don’t have the strength to hear anything in response. Most often, if there is no mutual feeling, then the confession “I love you” is said “Thank you.” A little less often - “I am unworthy of you” and almost never “I don’t love you.” The rules of good manners do not allow us to break the heart of a person who is in love with us right away; we will give him illusory hope, pull the cat by the tail and cut this tail with pliers, slowly and painfully making it clear that there is no reciprocal love. Sometimes this process drags on for years and then the unrequitedly in love person becomes a chronically ill lover. Needless to say, if we don’t dot all the i’s right away, we practically destroy the life of the person who is in love with us. Then love will definitely be replaced by strong hatred, and instead of a lover, we may get the most merciless enemy. Human relationships are very difficult, it is such a subtle matter where there is no room for omissions.

2. Tell the truth face to face.

The unknown and uncertainty exhaust a person so much that it is better to hear the truth, no matter how bitter it may be. But to say to a person in love straight in the eyes “I don’t love you”, what kind of strong character and courage do you need to have?! On the one hand, such a statement, if it also has a ruthless and derogatory intonation, can lead to real tragedy. After all, it is at this moment that even the strongest person becomes helpless like a child.

On the other hand, if you gather all your strength and convey to your opponent as tactfully as possible that reciprocity should not be expected, this will be the best and most correct decision. At the same time, you should understand that the one you reject at this moment has his whole world collapsing. The first reaction, even with the most tactful treatment, is usually: “Why is this happening to me? " and " Why am I not worthy of love? The next step will most likely be: “I will prove that I am worthy. You will also understand what you have lost.”

Psychologists are sure that the more holistic and healthy a person is, the easier it is to survive rejection, to understand that this is just a failed meeting of two hearts, to prepare yourself for a new stage of your life, in which there is no longer room for illusions and dreams, but there is a real opportunity to meet mutual love .

But the lover feels everything so acutely that even the most tactful explanation of dislike leads him to despair and can push him to the most irrational actions. Therefore, having decided to dot all the i's, be prepared for an outburst of the most violent emotions on the part of your opponent. Try to choose the right words, place and time so as not to deeply hurt the feelings of the person in love with you. But remember that it is your right not to reciprocate. Don't feel guilty that another person is suffering because of unrequited love.

3. “I don’t love you. What else?”

Sometimes saying the words “I don’t love you” into the eyes of someone who loves you can be so difficult that it’s preferable to write a letter. It is easier to explain everything without fear that the unhappy lover will not let you get a word in, unleashing a flurry of tears, accusations or threats.

Naturally, this should not be an SMS message; you should not use email or instant messengers. It’s better to entrust your feelings (or rather, their absence in our case) and thoughts, the old fashioned way, to paper. Let's remember the classic, Tatyana Larina confessed her love to Onegin by writing a letter. In response, she also receives a letter from him, containing many reasons why they are not destined to be together, but the main motive is the lack of love:

There is no return to dreams and years;
I will not renew my soul...
I love you with the love of a brother
And maybe even more tender.

The love of a brother is not at all what the pure soul of a girl in love craves. Eugene's letter breaks her heart. However, later Tatyana still says:

I don't blame: at that terrible hour
You did a noble thing.
You were right before me:
I am grateful with all my heart.

4. Remain friends.

Wanting to smooth out the impression of refusal of reciprocity, some, during an explanation, propose with a fan or admirer. For me, this proposal looks strange; I sincerely don’t understand how you can see and be friends with someone who, even unwittingly, has caused enormous suffering and the collapse of hopes. But they say that such friendship is possible. If the explanation was tactful and restrained, you have common friends and interests, then over time, when passions subside, you can maintain good friendly relations. Although psychologists say that if you were able to remain friends, then you either never loved, or continue to love until now.

5. “We choose, we are chosen, how often this does not coincide.”

But it turns out that in addition to the fact that we can refuse love to someone, at some point we ourselves may face the same refusal. The feeling that comes over us may well remain unanswered. What should we do when, upon confession, we ourselves hear: “I don’t love you”?

Psychologists advise remembering that the oppressive feeling of uselessness, rejection and emptiness that inevitably arises after such an explanation can develop into. To prevent this from happening, try to understand that you cannot force anyone to fall in love; you should not turn the life of both the person who rejected you and your own into hell. In fact, every second person encounters a situation where love is not “for two”. If even the mention of a loved one causes pain, try to remove correspondence with him, his photographs or gifts from your sight, and do not go to places associated with painful associations. Don't be alone, meet friends, pick up a hobby, go on a trip. And remember that new horizons and new meetings are open to you. And who will definitely say in response to your confession: “I love you too.”